:cry:

I just know we've not done it again, It's CD22 and since CD20 I've had sore boobs, to the day when I usually do before AF.

Hubby and are have had a bad week for arguing and he really upset me this weekend with blatant disregard for me and selfishness. But to be fair drunk alcohol free beer all weekend.... ;\)

My job is on borrowed time.

Found out yesterday a friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd, don't get me wrong I'm delighted for them but am I alone in it being a wee stab in the heart sometimes when you hear such news?? One of my best mates has had 2 babies in the time we've been trying, another 3 friends have just given birth in the past few months. Another pal is 20 weeks, my SIL is due her 2nd next month... I'm just finding it very hard to be upbeat all the time when what I want more than anything is proving so difficult to acheive and it's out of my control... a feeling I struggle with.

Sorry for moan ladies, I hope you're all well and being a bit stronger than me!!

Love ~OP xx

Oh OP - sorry to hear you are feeling down.

We all feel like this sometimes, and BE is definitely the place to come. Never apologise for moaning - we're all here to pick each other up and offer a helping hand.

I agree it is so hard when those around is seem to breed like rabbits. But your time will come, and you will love your little one so very much. Someone wise on the board once said - no one ever said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it.

But if pearls of wisdom aren't your thing, then maybe these will make you smile: http://icanhascheezburger.com/ (scroll down to Harold's poker face - my personal favourite of the day)

xx

Hi OP, sorry you're having a bad time at the moment. You are not alone in how you are feeling. It is such a rollercoaster ride and unless you've been on it there is no way anyone can know how it feels, however much they try to sympathise.

You will get there in the end. Try to stay as positive as you can. These things are sent to us to make us stonger, including the job thing (I'm on gardening leave at the moment and will be made redundant next month!). Better things are to come for you.

Take care my lovely.

xxx

Hey OP, so sorry to hear you are feeling so rubbish. I don't feel I am in a position to be that positive at the moment but just wanted to say I can totally relate to all that you say. I feel like my life is spiralling out of control and I am just caught up in a whirlwind of negativity and pain. It feels like a total nightmare. I too am due AF any day now and I know she's coming....it never gets any easier does it? I have also had a weekend of tears and arguing with my hubbie. I know it's no consolation that I am going through similar things to you, but I just wanted to let you know that these are all normal ways to respond to the pressures of LTTTC.
I agree that 'no one ever said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it' - was that something you once said by any chance??! Hon, we will all get there....and as people have been saying to me, once you do finally get there, it won't matter how you got there...and it certainly WILL be worth it.
It is horrible being around so many pg people, and I think sometimes you have to be kind and compassionate to yourself and do what you need to do to make yourself feel better, even if that means seeing a bit less of these people for the time-being. Take care honey and never give up hope xxx

Hi Anne

Sorry to hear you are having difficulties. People can be so unbelievably crass about asking about plans for children. I sometimes wish I could snap back the truth about the disappointment, the frustration, the MC, the intrusive tests... but bite my tongue just in time.

I go for reflexology once a month, and I love it. The lady is really nice and I feel very relaxed afterwards. It's also someone to chat to about what's going on and where we are with treatment, as we have decided not to tell friends and family. I was having reflexology when I got my BFP in January (which sadly wasn't be be).

Anything that helps manage stress is a good thing, but I don't think there is any hard medical evidence that reflexology helps with infertility... Unlike accupuncture, which does have some support from the medical community (my local hospital offers it for couples going through IVF).

Best of luck and welcome to BE.

MrsD

OP, Ihad this time of the month... the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. It is so draining. All I can say is that you are not alone, I can completely understand how hard it is to see people pregnant or hear their news despite being happy for them. I was at a friends house the other week, she has a little baby girl who is my god daughter and then a few of her baby friends turned up and then another of our friends turned up that is 8 months pregnant and the whole house was invaded my children and pregnancy and that was the whole conversation... I just went to the bathroom and cried my heart out. I was so happy they had their little ones but it hurt so much as I was just thinking how badly I wanted it.
I have waffled here but I just don't want you to be hard on yourself, what you feel is natural... but one day we will be there with a bump and watching our little ones play... we WILL get there!
xxxx

OP, I hate this time of the month... the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. It is so draining. All I can say is that you are not alone, I can completely understand how hard it is to see people pregnant or hear their news despite being happy for them. I was at a friends house the other week, she has a little baby girl who is my god daughter and then a few of her baby friends turned up and then another of our friends turned up that is 8 months pregnant and the whole house was invaded my children and pregnancy and that was the whole conversation... I just went to the bathroom and cried my heart out. I was so happy they had their little ones but it hurt so much as I was just thinking how badly I wanted it.
I have waffled here but I just don't want you to be hard on yourself, what you feel is natural... but one day we will be there with a bump and watching our little ones play... we WILL get there!
xxxx

[Modified by: RachieS on September 07, 2009 03:02 PM]

op. i know exactly what you are feeling, i am too. i like you are happy when friends tell me there exciting news, but i am also sad that it isnt me, then feel enormous guilt for feeling so selfish, i have had awful month with hospital messing me around, i am on cd 23 but i dont hold any hope this will be any different to any other month, its just not fair sometimes. hugs to you hun xxxx

OP I haven't talked to you before but have read about you and maybe seen wedding pics...

I am sorry you are feeling down but don't be sorry for telling us. I am new over here, I normally hang around ttc but my two dear friends on there are now over in due in forums and scretly it breaks my heart, I am so so happy for them I really am but now feel even worse and left behind and in some ways really out of touch with them.

I hope you are lucky and get your well deserved bfp really soon.....and moan anytime we are here to listen xxxxx

Hi OP

This is a bit late of a reply but havent spoken to you for a bit. Im sorry to see that your having a hard time of it at the moment.

It is hard to know were to find the strength from to carry on especially like you say when there are people around us expecting or having there babies & were still waiting anxiously.

There's so many of us who deserve to have our much wanted families & I pray that after all the waiting & heartache we have endured our times come very very soon.

Take care sweetie xxxx

Hay OP

How are you today?
Well you certainaly are not on your own feeling a bit down at the moment. I think there must be something in the air because iv "spoken" to lots of ladies here this past 2/3 wks and we seem to all have a dip in PMA lately.
So im sending you all some happy vibes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HaPpY~~~~~~~~~~~~
and
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HugS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

and hoping it rubs off on me too hehe

Girls thank you so much for all your kind words, it's amazing what a lift they can give you.

I wouldn't wish this on anybody so it's upsetting that so many of you can relate so well to how I'm feeling, it makes me sad to know so many great women and Mummies in the waiting are having these struggles. At the same time though having ladies who understand how I feel and reassure me it's not a selfish way to be/feel but a natural one, gives me comfort that no-one else in my life can give me.

I'm 11dpo now and have had 1 or 2 more AF symptoms so I'm pretty damn sure AF will show on Sunday. Felt a bit sick this morning but was woken up very early and it doesn't take much for me to feel nauseous so won't be reading into that! I will NOT test early this cycle (vow) :lol: it's such a waste of my time, money and emotion...

Anyway, I'm ok thanks ladies, actually an easier 2ww than normal but purely because I have no PMA so the wait isn't as tense!! I'm feeling a wee bit down but looking forward to the weekend and I'll worry about next week, next week!

Lots of love and luck to you all xx

Hey OP, glad you're feeling a little better today. You sound exactly like I did this month. It's not over yet though honey and as you know AF symptoms can be v similar to PG symptoms so you never ever know. It's so hard to get that balance between being hopeful and positive without getting your hopes up tooo much and being devastated in a few days' time isn't it. Am sending you all my positive vibes and luck seeing as I don't need them now this month xx

Thanks you TBD- It's exactly that, finding that balance... too much PMA and the disappointment can be over bearing... none at all and I can be almost like a zombie, down and fed up.

I'll just keep working on finding that (happy?!) medium!! xx

hi girls. op when you find it let me know how to find it lol. all my pma went long time ago, and just isn't coming back im on 9dpo and last month my af came on 10dpo. but last month according to ff i ov on cd 23 this month it says i ov on cd 18. i am not even sure if i am ovulating. i have been using cbfm too and only ever got high never went to peak so i have now stopped using that and am going to sell it on ebay. i ordered some zestica lubicant the new pre-seed yesterday and also ordered babystart salvia microscope, never used anything like this before so hope i can work it ok lol. good luck to you tbd and op. and everyone else lots of baby dust to us all xxxx

Thanks Greenbean, sorry you're struggling with PMA too... doing what you've done and ordering some TTC aids is the best thing I find I can do for my pma in terms of feeling like I'm taking control a little bit and so I know at least I'm giving us a fighting chance... I've done a huge order today after AF found me and I realised I was out of CBFM test sticks.

I hope you get a lucky break soon xx