OH just does not want sex!!!!

I am sorry but is that not the point in babymaking???

I know some people might say that it is because it becomes a chore rather than fun but it really isn't like that with us. We have never waited until 'the right time' to have sex, it has always just been spur of the moment. He does always say to tell him when i think i might be ovulating and we have sex but even then we are not babymaking, we are having proper sex!!!

It just seems like the past few weeks he can't really be bothered anymore, i was at a friends on Saturday night until 1am Sunday morning and when i got home he couldn't sleep so we had sex, the time before that was about a week before in the kitchen (oops)!!! Another spur of the moment thing but it is gradually becoming a once a week thing, sometimes once a fortnight.

I don't mind but i feel a bit of a phony going to the docs saying i can't get pregnant when i am having sex once or twice a fortnight.

What to dooooo???? :\?

xx

hmmmm. didn't want to r&r
similar thing for me at min, only its me who has lost my drive and i was wondering what to do! we are generally babymaking n i'm gettin bored of it, want to get back to having proper sex

i'm thinking maybe i need to inject some role play, toys etc into our sex life. but also not jus have fun in sex life but in other parts of life too. we go to work come home do housework n go to bed, we never seem to have fun any more. i want to book a dirty weekend away and get back to how we used to be!

i think its quite easy to let the boring parts of life take over. have u spoken to ur oh as to why he feels like this, maybe he feels a bit like me??

not sure if i've helped one little bit, but i hope u get it sorted out soon hun, maybe he's feeling a bit stressed, have u tried massages, taking baths together ?? they always get us in the mood..hmmmm think i've jus answered my problems too here, hahah sorry

xx

Lol sounds like all the stuff you just said is what you need hun....get that dirty weekend booked girl

Well he isn't into massages and he is quite shy when it comes to toys etc. We are the same though, come home, have tea, watch tv, do housework and go to bed.

I have explained how i feel about the no sex and i must admit this has happened a lot in the past couple of years (only having sex once/twice a fortnight) and when i tell him it needs to change he says he promises it will.

Sometimes i get a bit spiteful and think no, i will not ask him for sex anymore, in fact i won't even mention it and see how long he can actually go without for but that is just me been me really. I know we need to sort things out but sometimes i wish it wasn't just me who did it all the time

xx

hey, without sounding intrusive is it always one that inititates it more than the other? that can make that person feel fed up of a while as though they have to do all the work. I don't tell my DH when the best time is as it puts too much pressure on him and makes it feel like we're doing it just for that (ok admit sometimes it is but i wouldn't tell him that! God that sounds bad!!!) we go through stages, some weeks every other day, or every day, sometimes twice a day... lol, others it can be about once a week! depends what we're doing etc etc. I like the dirty weekend idea! we're actually away on Sunday night! lol xx

Not really, sometimes i initiate it and sometimes he does. The thing is.....thinking about it, if i ever initiate it about 80% of the time he will turn me down. There are only random times when he will let me start things off. The rest of the time he initiates it and if i ever turn him down (only happened once when i was ill) i get the bloody silent treatment.

I have gone over every detail of our sex life to make sure i am not pressuring him too much etc but like i said in a post before, all of the infertility stuff is MY problem, the doc told me we should see it as our problem but he doesn't really understand it so in his eyes he doesnt see me as someone desperate to have a baby so that wouldn't change sex for him. He knows exactly what is going on but he has told me before it is very hard to understand because he has no idea how it must feel for me. xx

Hi IWAB, Hope you don't mind me asking, but has he always been like this, or has it just been since you started ttc?

My ex-boyfriend was quite apathetic about sex, I usually initiated and I often got turned down. Sometimes he initiated, but not often!
From your previous posts, it doesn't sound like its centred around BDing pressure, but the last one hints more towards it. It might not be you creating the pressure, but he's creating it himself?

I'm not sure if I have any suggestions to help, though. Maybe just telling him how attractive you still find him and emphasize how much you enjoy sex without even mentioning conception? You've prob already done that, though. Good luck xx

hi,
i sympathize with you, it must be v frustrating and hurtful.
how about maybe not telling him when you are ovulating cos even just that can centre it all back to ttc...my doc said to me the best thing to do is forget charts, temps,poas etc because it creates pressure in even the best relationships ( which i am sure yours is or you wouldnt be worried). everybodies sex life varies(even the lttc)sometimes we do it every day(rare) sometimes its a week.
try and remember how it was before ttc, there is a normal life still out there somewhere we just got to try and find its!!!
dont forget, all the experts say most ltttc get pregnant when they have given up hope of it ever happening and only had sex once!

xx

Thanks for the comments

Windy Miller - When we first got together i think it was the typical honeymoon period thing and we were at it all the time. He has always been very blase about sex and sometimes i think i am pressuring him a bit but i just dont know what to do.

angelheart - i have decided from now on not to mention the fertility stuff, i don't tell him anyway because i feel that may be putting pressure on him but it is kind of upsetting because he never asks. I mean yesterday i had a day21 bloods done, nothing major but it would have been nice for him to just say 'how did the bloods go babe, is everything ok'.

I have NEVER said this to anyone before but last night made me realise. My biggest fear is that one day he is going to think 'ah bugger it, i can go out there and find someone else who hasn't got fertility problems and have babies with them'. I know he would never do that but after 3-4 years of NOTHING it starts to make me sometimes wonder.

I just need to forget about all the baby making and just carry on with my bloods etc but let it become part of a routine from now on, so it is just a normal monthly thing for me

xx

Afternoon Ladies...

I feel like i could have wrote some of these posts myself!!!

Thinks have taken a bit of a nose dive here too at the minute!!

For a while there I was initiating it ALL the time... and it got to the stage where he was saying things like
"We dont need to kiss anymore, we've been together ages.."
"kissing does nothing for me"
"whats with the foreplay, theres no point"

It was bugging me no end!!!!! So i got to the stage where i thought bugger him, and jus stopped initiating, we went a good couple weeks with nothing at all.... after that he started to moan about it.. but i wasnt giving in that easily.. things are picking up ever so slightly now, but its soo very hard and frustrating!! I feel like im banging my head of a brick wall at times!!

This is going to sound AWFUL... but im beginning to understand why some people stray... I understand nothing ever stays the same.. and the "honeymoon" period doesnt last forever, but its still nice to make some effort!

This was probably no help at all... haha... but really do sympathise with you all!

XX

IWAB, This sounds like just another extra stress and heartache that you don't need while you're ttc. Its normal to let your mind run away with you and think things like your OH will find someone else or (like me) that you have done something to deserve these problems.

I'm no expert, but it seems these are the unfortunate side effects and added stresses that other couples don't have to deal with (there are plenty of problems that most couples deal with already!).

I think your laid-back attitude could be the right answer. Remember what your relationship was like before all this baby-making milarky started!

Take care xx

Well there was no sex over the weekend neither but never mind!!! I totally understand where cupcake is coming from with the whole 'straying' thing. ITs so frustrating when a man assumes foreplay is no longer needed because you have been with him for so long....ooh men do make me angry sometimes.

I have decided to take things as they come now, i started the slimming world diet yesterday so my mind is on that constantly trying to work out what the bloody hell i can and cant eat lol.

MAybe ignorance really is bliss in this situation