Is t just me or do our bodies love messing with our brains!

!st month back TTC for us this month - after the ectopic in oct and the emergency removal and then another lap in nov to remove endo they found which i didn't realise i had.

Because of the endo removal I now have no idea what my body is doing - my cycles, cramps, everything is different. I used to get a few days of spotting and then bad cramps for like half and hour before af started and cramps for the first day then they'd go.

This month I've had mild cramps for about four days - just strong enough to feel them, due af today and nothing, not even cramps. I'm usually bang on 30 day and it always comes in the morning. Plus I have a bit of brown ewcm which is worrying me as this was my first ectopic sign.

I wish it would just arrive or not - i don't know whether to be excited, pissed off or terrified. It may sound crazy but I'm so scared of falling preg again - obviously i really want a baby but the first few weeks, while they scan me to the hilt to make sure it's in the right place, will be terrifying.

Sorry to moan,

Rach x

Have you tested yet Rach - sounds like you may be pg. Try not to worry about brown ewcm as loads of non-ectopic pregnancies can start with this too. I totally understand that it must be frightening though, but take a deep breath, POAS, and if it's a BFP there's loads of support on here to get you through your first few weeks (which will be successful this time of course).

Thanks hunny,

I had a really really good feeling this month - which is quite naive really as it took us 14 months the first time - but now my PMA has dissapeared. I think it's because when you've been trying longer than 12 months you convince yourslef your period will come - do you know what I mean - but now I've actually been preg I sort of know it is possible, so I'm less negative. But is is so unlikely, especially now I only have one tube! Also I'm a real POAS phobic - I waited until I was a week late last time and my hubby had to bully me into it. For some reason a negative result is so much worse than a period turning up. I have to be a lot more careful now though as I'm considered high risk, but I was thinking of testing friday if it hasn't shown, but I'm sure it will.

I feel like a naive first timer! But our bodies are so cruel aren't they!

Rach x

The thing is after the lap in November you are probably more likely to conceive now than in a couple of months time. I'm normally one for saying wait for af (even though I never do!!) but given your situation I'd be tempted to not wait until after Friday in case you do get a bfp and struggle to get seen by anyone next week to put your mind at ease because it's Christmas.

Having said that I know myself I hate a bfn more than af so I'm not trying to talk you into anything.

Sorry, haven't been much help and have completely confused myself. I really hope it's your month.

Hey honey, lol thanks.

I'm extremely lucky in that i got all my ops etc private covered by oh's work health insurance. My consultant said next time i get preg I should call him on his mobile and he'll sort immediate scans out for me - he's brill and said that my insurance will cover it, as its still under ec care, but if not he'll sort it so i don't have to pay. If I was on NHS i'd have tested last week -lol - they missed the ec last time and told me i had a urine infection!!

Hubby is on at me to test and I've said i'll do it friday am - but I;m convinced my period will show by then. It's just my body being evil!!!

rach x

Still not arrived - three days late. But I got a BFN wednesday PM. What's going on with my body!!!

Rach x

Hey rach - how are you hun? Has af arrived yet or have you tested again?

Hey honey,

Yeah, typically three days late arrived on Saturday. Never mind onto phase two month two!

Although spoke to my consultant over the weekend and he said from what was going on - ie cramping and a bit of bleeding and cm a week prior to af, it sounds as if something was trying to implant and things weren't quite right - ie my body isn't quite ready following ops etc. So that's a positive I guess. I'm just hoping for one in the next few months as I know it's not long for some people but I don't want to hit my two year TTC anniversary!!

Me and oh decided on a plan over the weekend too. Consultant wants to do a second look lap to see how quickly endo is coming back, he said six months after the first, but we're going to wait until August if we're not preg by then. And after that we'll start down the treatment route too. If I don't get preg naturally it's IVF as I don't think there is any other treatment for only having one tube - lol!

Have a fab xmas, I think I'll be off the site after today for a couple of weeks.

rach x

Ah that's a shame - I had my fingers crossed for you. Good you have a plan though, seems you're being very positive which is good.

Have a lovely Christmas too and here's to a fertile 2009 for us all!

thanks hunny. I couldn't agree more: Here's to a fertile 2009!!