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Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
16/08/2014 at 00:51
16/08/2014 at 04:02
Hi bookitty. So sorry to hear of your loss.
firstly... Yes... Everything you are going through & feeling are perfectly normal... Give yourself time... & permission to grieve for the baby you have lost. It's still really early days for you. I know the deep sense of pain you must be feeling now, & along with it the stronger than ever need to be a mother... I can't say honestly that the pain gets easier... But for me at least the frequency is less. When it hits me it hits me like a truck & i just cry & cry... But then most of the time I can be strong, get by & live a happy life with my husband. As much as you can, just take time to relax, make the most of the brief times you have together just to 'be' with each other & appreciate the love you have between you.most importantly... Talk about what you have been through... In as much detail & as often as you feel able to. You will find it a sense of relief not to bottle up your feelings & your other half im sure will appreciate you opening up to him & helping him have an insight into your feelings. It hurts them to see us hurting & not know what is going through our minds. Nothing you are feeling is wrong or something to be ashamed of... Whatever you feel is how your body is helping you process this.
i really do know what you're going through... Having suffered 2 losses myself. My first was a missed miscarriage like yours... Had a scan at 9 weeks only to find that the baby had died around 6weeks. My second i'd had scans at 6 & 8 weeks where perfectly healthy development & a great heartbeat was seen & then at 9 1/2 weeks i bled heavily & a scan showed our baby had died a couple of days previously. I was devastated both times but in such different ways.
if you feel able to, tell your colleagues the truth... It's nothing to be ashamed of & i hate that miscarriage is seen by many to be such a taboo subject... That only increases our feelings of failure... Which is just plain wrong. I am very open with friends & colleagues about what i've experienced & find that it has really helped me to come to terms with things. Just saying it out loud & acknowledging the losses has brought a sense of peace (most of the time).
Also... yes... Im positive that every woman who has been in our situation has at least once thought 'why me'... Why does she get to have her baby & I don't. You go through phases of blaming yourself, blaming others, trying to find answers when chances are there are none to be found.... But you will get through it.
i am in a similar situation to you in that my husband will soon be leaving too & I will be alone for 4 months while he is deployed. Honestly, like you, i am scared about how i will cope when i have my sad moments & he's not around. I have though found this website a huge source of strength & healing so will very likely be on here talking things through.. There are so many wonderful people on here who will help you.
finally... The why me... I dont know if you are a believer or not, if you have faith .. but what has really helped me at times is to think that if there is a god up there with a plan for us, he only gives us what we are strong enough to handle... & we will come out stronger the other side for it.
If you are not a believer, i also at times just run through the numbers in my head & that has helped me feel a sense of control of sorts... I have thought about the stats... That 1in 4 women will have a miscarriage for example... Then think about my 2 sisters & how much I care for them & would never want to see them going through this pain & so if its a 'game of odds' i'll take that pain for the 3 of us.... maybe that wont make sense to anyone but me... But in my head it did & it helped me through.
16/08/2014 at 04:03
keep posting if you need to talk more.... And take care of yourself x x
16/08/2014 at 09:05
16/08/2014 at 14:10
Absolutely... Whatever you need... Just talk it through x
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