Hi everyone

I haven't been able to bring myself to look at this site for a few weeks now since our miscarriage at 7+2 on 22 January. It's been an awful time. I share a lot of your feelings and I'm posting now cos I am hoping that seeing them written down I will feel better and not quite as much of a nutter.

Anyway, I'm angry and sad still that the baby we wanted so much is gone. It's not anyone's fault but I am still angry and teary.
I'm scared to B'd cos I haven't had AF yet, I can't relax with my hubbie which isn't like us at all, I don't want to get pg again before AF arrives cos the doctor advised not to after ERPC, so I panic and can't relax at all.
The ERPC, I felt completely numb on the day and only since have I cried about the whole experience, it was just so invasive, the staff were lovely but the experience I don't ever want to go through again. I think that's why I can't relax, I am just petrified of going through it all again so soon.
One of my very good colleagues at work just had a beautiful baby girl, and another is 21 weeks Pg, I am happy for them, just overwhelmed with happy and then sadness cos it reminds me.

Sorry for the rant and thanks for reading!

I know other people have been through worse, I am very lucky to have my life and my husband. This has been one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through, it seems to have knocked me for six, all in the space of the weeks since I found out BFP on 29th Dec.

Thank you all for being brave enough to post on here and making me feel slightly less like I'm loosing the plot xxx

Hey there,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I found out I was pregnant on 28th Dec, and had a mmc which happened at 6 weeks, but we found out and I had a ERPC at 9 weeks. I know how you feel, and from what I know of others stories, it's completely normal. I flit between OKish to angry, to heartbroken, and every time I think of it it's as bad as the first time I found out our baby had died. Remember it's a bereavement. There seems to be a feeling among those who haven't had one that it's something that you should get over quickly, as it "wasn't meant to be" or some rubbish like that, That's totally unrealistic and stupid in my opinion. It hurts, it really hurts.
Try and keep talking about it, especially to your husband, it does help. And we're all here and know what you're going through.
It's difficult when others are pregnant. I found out a friend of mine was pregnant the day after my ERPC and just wanted to die. I think if they're good friends they will understand your mixed feelings, and give you time.
Look after yourself, and if you don't want to BD then don't. You'll know when it feels right. I know the prospect of going through this again is really scary.
Take care
Mary xxx

Hi hun,

Firstly I want to say how brave you are for posting and for surviving the past weeks.

We really are lovely on here so please post/lean on us.

I can't believe its the middle of Feb, seems only y'day I started to mc (xmas eve), time does heal hun I promise, you are not loosing the plot and you will get there like all of us.

I also took comfort in the good things in my life when it first happened and it was hard but I am lucky like you to have a fab hubs, job I love, wonderful family etc...

Am sorry you have had to join us but please pop back and let us support you in any way we can huni xxxx

Thank you mary and Mrs H. Unfortunately my colleagues don't have any idea that I had a MC, we kept it very quiet about the Pg and I'm in a management role, so noone has any idea why I was off work. I think that makes it harder.

I really, really do appreciate your replies, thank you so much x

My boss told my colleagues for me which helped as I didn't have to repeat my sad story so many times, work has been a great support so I am glad that they know. It came as a bit of a surprise too as it was early days for me so no-one knew about the pgy.
Just read your post on another thread on here and it was so kind and heartfelt, you are so brave.
Take care of yourself xxx

Have you thought about telling them about it? It might make things easier, and they might surprise you by being very understanding.
Also wanted to say I agree with Mrs H, it takes a lot of bravery to post on here, but it really does help.
Take care
Mary xxx

Hi I am so sorry. I lost my baby girl at 20 weeks still born and just going through an mmc (baby 11+ weeks) now. I got pregnant again after first cycle and this loss has really messed me up. I know I could not cope with losing another so have forced myself to be sensible and wait. If you're not ready then wait, give yourself time to grieve and let your body rest. Asfar as worrying about ttc before af I have no idea about erpc rules but know from other threads I have heard ladies say that drs suggest after af for dating purposes and so it shouldn't be a disaster should you fall pregnant- but check with dr that that's right.

Hi babysteps
You are allowed to feel all of the emotions you have described here! I had my ERPC on 13th Jan when I should have been 12 weeks. I was desperate to get pg asap and was told it was fine to BD as soon as I had stopped bleeding. The first time we did I got very emotional thinking about starting all over again and I did bleed a little afterwards. We then waited for AF to arrive which she did last weekend and now its all systems go. I am aware every Tues how far gone I should be and can't believe how the year is slipping away. Make sure you try and be patient with yourself physically and emotionally over the next few weeks. xx

Hi Babysteps, I found out at our 12 week scan that our baby had died at 9 weeks. I had to have an ERPC and I totally understand about how you feel about the operation. I found it soo devastating and although I knew logically my baby was dead I really couldn't bear the thought of them taking him/her away from me. I want to try again straight away but am also so scared of this happening again!

I also have a friend who is 20 weeks pregnant. She had her scan the same day as me and although i have told her what happened I havn't seen her yet. I think that I will find this so hard as last time I saw her we were both happy and talking about our pregnancies together

It really helps coming here to talk everyone understands and people give such wonderful advice and support. It is a hard thing to do to get it all out but it has helped me enormously. I have talked more here than I have to anyone else, including my hubbie.

It must be very hard for you to be at work and people not know what you have been through. You must feel like screaming. My thoughts are with you and just take as much time as you need to feel happy and comfortable to BD again. I am still bleeding so havn't yet but am aware it might be quite emotional as Muffin34 said.

take care

Jacqui
xx

Hi Jacqui, Muffin34, and waiting4baby

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing your stories and for your kind words. I don't know where I would be without this forum, in the nuthouse most likely!

BS xx

Hi babysteps,

My only advice is go with your emotions or it will do more harm than good. I had an ectopic pregnancy in September. I went from distraught to numb to angry to furious and back again.

When I knew my pregnancy couldn't go any further I vividly going to our local park with hubby and not even leaving the car park as I was so angry. I am too ashamed to repeat the awful things I said.

I then went to depression where I didn't get out of bed for 2 days. Then the tears came where music in shops would set me off!

It has got better. I still have my moments but not as many.

Don't pressure yourself into ttc until you are emotionally ready. I had to wait 3 months and at the time I was devestated by that. But someone asked me if I could cope if it happened again and at that stage it was a definite no. I don't think it is ever "easier" to deal with but when you are so emotionally low it could break you.

Be kind to yourself and work at your own pace x x