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Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
10/09/2016 at 09:17
Hi, just needed to write some of my feelings down.
Today I should have been 8 weeks pregnant but I started bleeding earlier in the week. Dark brown blood, slow at first so I hoped it was 'normal'. We'd had an early scan a week before (thinking I was 7 weeks at the time) as I wanted to be sure the baby was viable and seen it's little heart beat. I was booked for a scan at the EPU to be on the safe side but by the time I got there blood started turning red. I had drunk so much water I was dying to wee. I couldn't stand still and couldn't think straight. I starred up at the ceiling trying not to worry as the sonograher scanned my belly in silence. When she said that she needed to do an internal scan I knew things weren't right but kept hoping it would be.
My baby had no heart beat and had died at 7 weeks 1 day. Now I waiting for surgical management on monday but I think the pregnancy might pass naturally before then. It's so confusing knowing what is happening. Every time I go to the toilet I look on my knickers at the blood and think that is s bit of my baby. The cramping and bleeding got worse yesterday. I think I might have just flushed the remains of my baby down the toilet. But I'm not sure. I didn't dare look and didnt know what to do. How long will this go on for? Was my baby that insignificant that it's over with already? Surely the grief I feel deserves more physical pain.
The worse thing is, is that I don't feel justified to feel so heartbroken. Really I should just toughen up and get on with life. Others have been through far worse. Does it even count as a miscarriage if it was so young? Am I just making a mountain out of a molehill? Am I over reacting? Being a drama quee? I'm 40 now, 41 in December and am scared that I'm too old to even try again.
I feel so many contradictory feelings. Such confusion. Still a little bit of me hoping they have got it wrong. But the blood tells me the truth. 😞
10/09/2016 at 09:50
Sorry to hear your news having a m/c is very horrible there is a support group for ladies who have had m/c which will help you xx
10/09/2016 at 10:26
Very sorry to hear of your loss, you need to allow your self to grieve don't feel you need to be tough. Sending love and hugs xx
20/09/2016 at 16:13
i am terribly sorry for your loss.
Personally I think you're being completely rational, I don't think that uou can over exaggerate. I miscarried this Saturday just gone and I don't know what or how to think or feel. I was also at 7 weeks.
I understand how confusing it is. i think that you should talk about whst you are going through, it is so difficult. Don't feel ever feel that you are alone in this.
MC is a horrible thing, I am still experiencing the physical side of things..but the pain is getting better. yours will too.
If you want to talk, I could listen.
27/09/2016 at 13:09
Thank you for your lovely response. I'm so sorry you have lost a little one too. How are you feeling? I'm very up and down. I guess that must be normal.
The loss of my little one has broken my heart and is so hard to bear. And yet ... even though my little one had such a short life, just 7 weeks and 1 day, it changed my me (and my husband) in so many ways. I don't want to let that go.
There are so many things I want to say but at the same time there is nothing to say at all.
09/10/2016 at 13:44
I'm so very sad. I just miscarried yesterday at just over 7 weeks. I canhardly breathe I'm so sad. Any support gratefully received.
21/10/2016 at 10:13
It's never too late to try again, you have all our moral support an I believe in you, 1 m\c it's not something to be depressed about. I know it may feel terrible but dont blame yourself, try again until you sucseed! xx
21/10/2016 at 11:27
HI Stuzie Baby
I know exactly how you feel - I still feel heartbroken. Even though we are going to try again, it doesn't take a way the heart ache I feel for the baby I will never know. I think you need to grieve for the baby you have lost. I think the feelings will come and go. I'm sending you lots of love. The only thing I can hold on to is that being pregnant was such a positive experience and so I am determined to ensure that this little one is going to become part of me and make me stronger. I don't know if this helps at all xxxx
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