Hi there ladies, had a bit of a hard day yest. A customer at work who didnt know I had MC asked me how I was doing.... .does anyone else find it so hard to say the words out loud? I cant say 'I misscarried' or 'I lost the baby'...I just kind of shrugged and shook my head. It was awful....the poor man didnt know what to say. I hadnt told a lot of people that I was pg, but he was one of them. Later on in the day my best friend, who is 36 and has 3 kids, told me that she and her new partner are thinking that they may want a baby in the future,( she told me I was mad when I said we were trying for baby). Anyway, she said that as long as she did it before she was 40, that was just too old. Well, im a 40(and a half). My dh says I am just being oversensitive. I dont know. Am I kidding myself? Physically I am fit and healthy, dont smoke, exercise, have 2 kids already. Im really hurt by this. Back to thinking that this was the reason I MC last month. Are there any other older ladies out there trying? or any younger ones with older mums. Whats your thoughts? I value your opinions girls xx

Hi Tashelby, I myself do not have older parents and I am 28 but my hubbys parents didnt have him until they were in their 40's. He never went without anything, his dad used to take him to football and play games with him so he still had a good childhood even though his folks were that little bit older. Its entirely up to you and your husband if you want to have another child and I think your friend was completely insensitive for saying 'as long as I do it before I am 40' . I too would have been really hurt.
At the end of the day its not about her, its about you and your husband.Stop thinking the mc was because of your age, unfortunately its just one of those cruel things in life.

Good luck to you TTC honey.
xxx

Hi hun,

I know how you feel, it's terrible to have to say those words! And then people never know what to say. Most people just didn't mention it at all!

With regards to your age, i'm 21 and i had a mc and if you asked everyone on here you will probably find there's a whole range of ages of us who have been through it so although they do say age plays a part i can't see much evidence of that!

After all, plenty of older ladies have healthy babies just the same as younger moms.

Dust yourself off and try again. Chances are you won't go through it again the same as anyone of any age!

Try to be as relaxed as possible and enjoy trying. And when you fall pregnant again chances are evrything will be fine!

xx

Hi Tashelby,

Firstly - I am sorry you had such a down day and hopefully your friend was just not thinking when she came out with that comment? Please give yourself a big hug - you are NOT old.

I have just turned 41 and am now trying again for a baby, having lost my first pregnancy at 9 weeks (just into the 10th week) at the beginning of July. I too have been labelled by the doctors as old - and yes I realise I am older than the average mum to be (and as an older mum to be we face more risks than others) but it doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Everyone has a reason why they find themselves on this road at this time in their life.

I too have found it hard to say what has happened to people (I have not said anything at work as some of the people there are just mean when it comes to girls having babies). I think you can only say it when you are ready to and if the situation is right - sometimes its just too painful to say anything. I think what you describe is normal and please don't beat yourself up about it. I am sure the customer will not be offended.

Sometimes people act in unexpected ways - A friend of mine who I least expected to be sympathetic after the mc surprised me by reminding me that I should be kind to myself - that body and mind need time to heal. Please give yourself a hug and know we are all around for support.

Apple xxx

Hi
I have been lurking on BE for ages (very very broody but have to wait before ttc a bit.) Anyway I just wanted to let you know that my mum was 43 and my dad 55 when they had me (and this was 25 years ago.) I cannot imagine a better mum in the whole world, and despite me being a bit of a monster (10lbs 3 and mum is only 4 foot 11!!) she had no complications at all. So please try not to worry!

Thankyou so much for your lovely comments. Apple, its lovely to meet another lady my age, good luck to us. Cornish Girl and Bubs please, thankyou so much for your posivity....its lovely to read. Lady 2188, so glad to hear your doing well, look after yourself. Thanks again ladies, Tracy xx

Hey
I dont think age comes into it! Im 20 and i miscarried and i am totally fit and healthy so it is most definately NOT your age! So dont be worrying about that! My mum had me at 28 but then had my little bro when she was 40 so there is no age limit and she only had ONE ovary at that point following an ectopic pregnancy!
I too find it hard when ppl dont know about the miscarriage i couldnt tell anuyone other than parents so they told everyone else my dad FORGOT to tell my NANNA and she rang yesterday asking how i was and the baby and if id had a scan yet.....i just burst into tears and hung up my dad had to ring her back and explain i was so mad at my dad like but never mind! Ur not alone in that score hun! And im sorry but your friend seems rather hypocritical 40 nis not a cut off point and eveyones opinions are different on older mums the same as they are with younger mums.....and i think that givwen how youmg teens are starting to give birth u feel like an older mum when you have reached 30 these days i felt old at my first (and unfortunately only) pre natal class these girls were sitting in SCHOOL UNIFORMS so i feel for you older ladies!! But if shes 38 she is an older mum too you shud remind her of that! I know shes your best friend and all but she shud be showing you a bit more support! Hope i havent offended anyone by my age comments it is not intentional i am most certainly of the opinion that its the personality and nature that makes a mother not your age if you can give love to a child at 14 then go for it and the same if you can do it at 60 as long as YOU are happy and READY then stuff the world and others opinions you have us on BE and were right behing you =D
So in mummy mogs words (which mad eme giggle i may add lol) Lets get dancing (baby dancing that is
Good Luck and Baby Dust to ALL xxxxxx