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Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
04/07/2016 at 20:51
I have looked through these boards for years and never done anything like this before so please bear with me if I get it wrong.
I was so shocked but excited to be told at the 12 weeks scan that I was having twins, but secretly I already knew it was twins, I just had a feeling. At the same scan the so no graphed said that the nuchal fold (skin on back of neck) was a little over average on 1 of the twins and that it mentions there could be mean spina bifida. My excitement quickly turnt to worry and I looked through many boards of similar situations. I was seen by a consultant who said it was best to get a amnio fluid test done to check for deformaties on both twins even though the other twin appeared perfectly normal, in fact apart from the measurement of 1 twins neck they were both growing perfectly normal. I eventually got the test done and the consultant said don't worry, no babies have died to date having this done. The 1st baby a boy had it done first, he was the twin with the above average nuchal fold and it felt fine. 2nd was my little girl who had nothing wrong but it was decided to do both, it was trickier to get to her cause she was at the back.... a little uncomfortable but both heartbeats were fine after the procedure.
2 weeks later we received the results and there was no abnormalities with either twin.... finally I could be excited but a few days later I started to become unwell, I went to my local maternity unit to be told I had a water infection, I thought this was strange because it didn't feel like a water infection, I was discharged after a few days. The very next day I started to bleed so called my consultant who told me to come in tomorrow. Over night I continued to bleed and was in pain, when I arrived I was told it was thrush I was experiencing from the antibiotics, I thought it was wrong so I asked for a second opinion before I was going to be discharged again, I was scanned by another consultant on call and she told me my twin baby girl had died, this was 21 weeks. My world came shattering down but I was told not to cry because I could start contractions and the other twin my baby boy would be born and have no chance of survival. I was heartbroken but had to hold in my tears (looking back I think this was a terrible thing to be told) but I was so scared to loose my other baby. I was discharged again and told to hope for the best and to have complete bed rest.
2 weeks later I was having stomach pains and thought I needed a toilet, but I soon realised that I was giving birth to a baby but I didn't know which baby it was, I called an ambulance and was told to lay on my bed, I had to carry my baby between my legs still attach to the umbilical cord to the bed until they arrived, I was so scared because I didn't know which twin I had delivered because my belly was so big and also scared that this meant that my other baby would not survive because it was 23 weeks. I was taken to hospital where they cut the cord and gave me my beautiful baby girl, she was perfect. I was told that there was no chance of survival for the other twin and that I had to wait for him to decide to come. Hours past as I lay with my baby girl beside me, still in labour but I would not push. The following morning I was checked and they told me that I closed back up and that my baby boy was not ready yet to come.
Over the next coming weeks I was poked and prodded and scanned constantly, my little boy was a fighter but he was slowly getting poisoned by my little girls placenta and cord still inside me as it started to rot away. I eventually gave birth again at 34 weeks to my beautiful baby boy. He was born with septicaemia and severly jaundiced. Again he was fighting for his life but he made it through with only 5% odds of survival. It has been 4 months since my baby boy was born and his sisters ashes are sat in front of me on my chest of drawers, I still haven't grieved because I have fought so hard to keep my baby boy alive. I blame myself that I couldn't save my baby girl too. I wonder everyday what life would have been like, everyone thinks I'm so strong but it is only because I have had to keep going for my baby boy. I have nightmares of holding dead babies and I feel like a big part of me has gone. Everyone has carried on with life and I'm still here with this loss
I'm so sorry for the long post, I just don't know what to do.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
04/07/2016 at 22:44
Hi Kate just wanted to say sorry for your loss and your awful experience. It's not your fault. have you considered some counselling as your in such a difficult position? There is a group on here for people who have had late losses and they maybe able to help you more than me. I know this is different but I am on the forum of trying not to get pregnant after a miscarriage. I know this is different but everyone is supportive on there. look after yourself and talk to people xx
05/07/2016 at 10:28
Hi kateMate55, we are so very sorry to read of your loss. We can't imagine how you must be feeling. As Cberg says, we have a thread where women have had late losses, and there are some truly wonderful girls on there who might have some be able to help you. Please do come and take a look if you'd like to, the thread is here. We're sending you love and strength.
05/07/2016 at 11:33
So sorry to hear about your loss!! <3 I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you.
Take as much time as you need to grieve an if you ever want to talk then we are always here..
Sending lots of love & strength your way
x x x
05/07/2016 at 16:27
Thanks everyone, I will take a look at the other group now. Sorry for posting in the wrong section x x
05/07/2016 at 16:32
Hi kateMate55, please don't apologise, you didn't post in the wrong place at all. We just wanted to let you know about that thread, as it has other women who've sadly been through something similar to you.
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