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Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
23/05/2014 at 17:08
hi i really need some advise, my eldest daughter found out she was pregnant in january and didnt want to tell her sister(who had been trying for a baby for 2 years) but in febuary my other daughter found out she was pregnant. so happy families, until my eldest daughter went or her 1st scan and found out there was something wrong. She was then sent to another hospital for another scan a week later only to be told the baby had die, she was devasted. So now this is where the problem starts, she cant cope now with sister being pregnant, she says she is fine but i know she isnt. she cant even stand being in the same house as her. its breaking my heart as i should be excited about my granddaughter being on the way but no one wants to speak about it for fear o upsetting my eldest. I really dont know what to do
23/05/2014 at 17:35
hi Gill... Sorry to hear this...
i would say just give your eldest time... & the opportunity to talk as much as she needs to.
i was in a similar position myself... Found out & shared pregnancy news with family a couple of weeks before my sister was due to have her baby (after 7 years of trying for her!). I had a miscarriage about a month later.
Honestly, in the very beginning it was difficult to talk to her & i remember being upset when she would send group texts etc with pictures of her baby... But after a little while i realised that that was the right thing for her to do...she had to carry on as normal & I had to start to move on. She always told me that the thing that used to upset her a lot while she was going through ttc & ivf was when her friends didnt share their pregnancy news with her / visit her with their babies 'for fear of upsetting her'... She said that this left her sad that she wasn't sharing in their joy & also isolated from them.
i would say just encourage your daughter to talk about how she is feeling & what she is honestly thinking (however bad or irrational it may seem even to her... Trust me we have those feelings / thoughts!). Reassure her that every thought & feeling she may have is 'normal' & ok. Dont make miscarriage a taboo subject as it is for so many people as that just makes it harder & also can lead to increased feelings of self blame. Reassure your younger daughter that it is ok to enjoy her pregnancy... & to make an effort to share this with your eldest when she is ready. Trust your daughter with what she is saying... If you are there for her & she knows its ok to talk honestly... She will talk honestly.
i hope things start to feel better soon & if your daughter needs people to talk to who have been through similar things then she might find coming on here helpful. I know myself it has been such a huge help since my miscarriage & continues to be today... There are some very caring & supportive ladies on here.
23/05/2014 at 17:47
thanks alot for replying, it all seems so hard at the moment, my younger daughter had her scan yesterday adn my eldest just suddendly go up and said i am going now mum found out the reason was cause she didnt want to cry in front of us when the other ne came back. then today the younest one was here and i told her that christine was coming and she did the same juat went because she feels guilty. i really do hope things turn out
23/05/2014 at 21:52
Gill give her time,
my story is not the same as your girls, i did lose 2 babies last year but a few years back now my little sister was due to have her baby and i was so happy for her until i was rushed to hospital and had a huge op where i lost an ovary and tube, i was told i wouldnt be able to have kids and whilst i was in hospital my sister had her baby, she wanted me to go over as soon as i got out to see her and the baby yet the last thing i wanted to do was be around a baby! after being told i couldnt have any!! luckily i did go on to have a baby in 2012 to the shock of the doctors, and then went on to fall again twice last year even tho i lost my 2 babies, i went on to get a bfp this year and so far touch wood iv got to 17 weeks so far...
Its going to be a hard time for both your girls, but it will get better, the pain never goes but it does get eaiser xxx
23/05/2014 at 22:21
thanks sarah its just so hard seeing your daughters hurting so much in different ways
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