Can't even think what to say, just feeling royally c**p today. Time for a change I think. Sorry for short, pointless post just wanted to say it out loud. xxx

Oh hun, sorry you are feeling so cr*p! It is horrible when you feel so down you can't bring yourself out of it! I hope you feel better soon! xxx

I can empathise with you...and saying it out loud does help!

I hope you feel more positive soon, and are able to make the changes you want to. Its such a weight lifted when you can xx

[Modified by: joemoeuk on July 13, 2010 07:57 PM]

Sorry ur not feeling great i'm asuming you mean routine/life rather than illness from what you've written.

Hope your spirits are lifted soon
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks ladies. Feeling a bit better this evening. Just a multitude of little things mounting up so that it feels like everything is wrong. OHs work is being a complete pain so he's not getting days off which means he's completely exhausted, doesn't get to see me and Cam and I have to essentially cope on my own with Cam as he's out the house from 6am - 7pm (Cam goes to bed at 6.30pm!). Then there's the fun subject of money, OHs pay is going to be bonus-less this month (due to the actions of others in his company and not him) which means we'll be down about a grand on the next pay day. This in turn has completely spoiled the surprise birthday gettaway that I had planned for his birthday at the end of August. I have saved up for a hotel for 4 nights but we'd use the joint account (aka his money) while we were down there but now there won't be any to spend so there is little point in us going. I'm personally finding my SMP really had to live on and hate not being able to do the nice things or buy nice things like I used to.

Then my parents have moved back from Cyprus and I am now feeling very suffocated! I left home at 16, nearly a decade ago and since them have seen them bi-annually at most and now there is weekly visits and 'poppings' in which I really really can't cope with. I feel like my space has been invaded and like I don't even want to live where I live anymore. My mum is living about a 30 minute drive away now but we're seriously considering moving 10-15 miles down the road so that we are just that little further away!

I myself am feeling really lost at the moment too. It is probably a lot to do with the fact that OH is working so hard but I feel like all I am is Cam's mammy and I've lost the old me. I don't really know what I want to do workwise or socially or anything really. I'm find certain aspects of my relationship with OH difficult too. Because i'm at home all day with Cam I don't have that much adult conversation so when he comes in I want to talk etc but he spends all day with people and wants to come in and have some peace and quiet and time to chill out so then there is a clash of moods and I just end up a little disappointed that OH doesn't want to play as it were. Also, it obviously doesn't help matters that I am completely exhausted all the time at the moment, despite our little angel sleeping 12 hours a night. I guess what I am most worried about though is my depression coming back. I've been on and off medication since m early teens and while everyone keeps a close eye on me in terms on HV/GPs etc I can't help but feel that it might be rearing it's ugly head again and there is very little i'll be able to do about it and I know it will impact negatively on Cam and I'd hate for that to happen

I know I am very lucky to have my beautiful son and wonderful partner but sometimes I wish the 3 of us could just hide away and ignore real life for a while!

Rambling over though and chin up as they say. Thanks once again for your support xx

Hey
Things do seem to be mounting up for you - I'm sorry it's getting to you
I'm on my phone and trying to feed a squirmy baby so can't really type as much as I'd like to say. ????If I remember correctly from the postponed north meet, you're in the Leeds area? ????If you'd like to meet up for coffee and some adult conversation (Hah - no guarantee on the quality at this stage though), I'm always looking for an excuse to get out of the house . Just drop me a line on FB

If you do feel your depression creeping back or if it's even just a concern to you, talk to your HV/GP sooner rather than later. ????As you know, it's better to keep on top of it than allow it to get on top of you.
Anna xx

Ahh flimpo I totally undertand your situation.
As you know from previous posts I spend most of my time alone with Emilia as my OH works long hours and is often not home until after midnight. I know how it feels to be chief cook and bottle washer, and although the babies are sleeping all night it is still exhausting, especially when they are having a rough day. It def effects your relationship as well, its so hard to reach out to the person you love the most, when your lives are so different. Plus I know Emilia takes all my energy, often I dont have time to deal with OH's problems.

If you cant go away for OH birthday, could you perhaps organise a special meal at home. Then you could perhaps have a chat with OH. Maybe even get your mum to have Cam for the night, so she gets her grandma time? My MIL lives next do so I feel you pain on that score

I wish I were back in the UK already, so we could all meet up! I would love to go back to the leeds area Depression creeps up on you so quickly and you are so brave for recognising that it might be appearing again. Defo speak to your HV or a good friend. I know from experience it is awful, and so uncontrollable.

As you say chin up, and have lots of hugs with Cam
xx

Hey flimpo.

Sending you a huge hug.

Don't have as much time to reply as I'd like as bab is just waking, but just wanted to offer my support too. Also to say the issues you have described in your post are common to so many of us: nightmare parents/in laws - tick, money worries - tick, not being able to afford a holiday at a time you most need one - tick, OH not spending enough time with little one (tick - mine leaves at 6.30 returns at 7.30 on a good day), and relationship challenges - tick. Only last night I got annoyed because LO, who has decided her new bed time is 10pm, had just gone down and I came downstairs and turned the TV off so I could have a cuddle and chat, at which point OH moved to the other sofa to stretch out because he was knackered, and asked if he could just watch the news headlines!!! I know he loves me but these little things seems so huge sometimes.

Anyway, I just wanted to say whilst I agree with the otherladies that it's important to keep an eye out for signs of your depression returning, the issues you're facing are completely normal and your worries about them are the same as lots of us too. So, not that it's any consolation, but you're not alone.

Loads of love and hoping you feel better soon,

Rx

So sorry that you're feeling so lousy. I can't really add much to what the others have said, but it's great that you're recognising the warning signs of depression & acting on them. It's scary how it creeps up on you.

I really hope that you can sort something out for your OH's birthday, give you something to look forward to. I agree it's a shame that we're not all closer together as putting the world to rights over a few glasses of wine would be perfect (or would have been 3 months ago!). Feel free to message me on FB if you want to chat, and of course, we're always on here with an ear for you to vent. Big hugs xx

Hey hun,

I agree with the others, have a chat with your HV and explain your concerns. I would also speak to your OH and tell him how you are feeling. Men are a completely different species and sometimes (most of the times) need things pointed out to them.

I agree with Reeny in that we would (and do) feel frustrated with the things you have listed: money, interfering parents/in laws, inconsiderate men!!!! However, if you have suffered with depression in the past I also understand your concerns about it creeping back up on you. When you do feel like sh*t remind yourself of how far you have come and what you have achieved! You're an amazing mummy and you have an amazing little boy. Also try and get yourself out and about to keep your energy levels up!

Where your partner's birthday is concerned why not contact the hotel and ask them to move the dates to perhaps a months time. You could then place photos of the hotel in your OH card and it will give you something to look forward to! It will also give you a little extra spare cash this month.

Remember we are all here for you!

I agree I would love a few drinks with you all and a good old Bit**. I have some lovely things to say about my OH! Do you know the other night on a weak moment I asked him why he loved me. His answer was... -Because you frustrate the cra* out of me'

xxx

Ha ha - Artysmammy I love your husband's answer. That's cool.
: )

Thanks again - you guys really are the best! It's good to feel that i'm not alone (although obviously not 'glad' that everyone has similar problems if you know what I mean). Cameron has had such a positive impact on my life but it's still hard and worrying and stressful and different and allsorts of other things. I definitely wish that we could all have a glass of wine or 10 together in the real world

Will have to try and sort something out for OHs birthday. Problem is I booked the hotel at a great price but non-refundable. Maybe if I call them I could persuade them to change the dates for us? Either way I know it's not really the end of the world but I was really looking forward to a few nights away, just the 3 of us and I know OH would have loved it because it was in Brighton. It's where his best friend lives and he turned down an invite to visit him on this week off that he's got coming up over his birthday because he didn't want to miss out on time with Cam and I so I booked a hotel there so we could go together as a family but he could still see his friend... hmmph, guess i'll see what the hotel says

Will be sure to chat to HV (if it's a nice one at the clinic and not the dragon lady) and I have a review with the GP in a couple of weeks about how i'm coping anyway so will probably cry at him for a bit and see what he thinks about it all...

Thanks again for your kind words though - they made me cry, but in a good way - Will keep you updated xxx