basically i have been trying to say I have not been on as finding things tough. Have gone through spells of pure elation and those of crying for no reason. Have given up breast feeding as it was making Isabelle and I unhappy. much better on formula. Managed for 11 days though. Feel such a failure as i know breast is best, but sometimes best is not always the case.
The last 2 weeks have gone by so quickly since we have come home. The visitors are all lovely, but I cannot wait to get some time for myself and Isabelle so we can get to know each other and form a routine.
Hubby has been fantastic. Still waiting to hear from health visitor. discharged from mw yesterday.
Hope you are all well and lo's are doing ok,
Mary xxx

oh mary, i hope your ok?
i was going to post asking if you were ok as i noticed you hadnt been on for a while.
its always a bit up in the air at the beggining with people dropping in by the dozen, i know its great that everyone cares but somtimes they just dont realise you need some time alone!
you are not a failure for giving up breast feeding, you tried your hardest but if its not making you both happy then you have to do whats best for you both, it definatly doesnt mean you have failed.
dont forget you have not long given birth and your hormones are all over the place, but if you feel like you are feeling more unhappy then make sure you talk to someone.
hope you and isabelle get some time alone soon
lots of love
vikki xxx

Sorry to sound so negative. The first 2 posts were not as negative sounding, but kept losing them, lol.
Things are definetely easier now that Isabelle is on bottles. Isabelle is taking 2-4 ozs every 4 hrs or so. I am glad I had insomnia for the last 2 months of my pregnancy as it defintely prepared me for the sleepless nights as I am getting far more sleep now than I was.
I think the tears are nothing more than hromones and adjusting to life with our lo's.
My hubby and I are both watching for signs of depression as I suffered babdly with it for about 8 yrs. i now regognise the difference between being stressed or depressed.
Thanks for your words of support, I have missed talking to you all,
mary xx

Fairymary...i can understand how you feel with the whole breastfeeding. i really wanted to but after one day had to resign to the bottles.....i was anaemic after haemorage and iron levels were really low and i was too tired to try. Mia wasnt latching on either. I am actually alot happier now than i think i would be breast feedin. i find our routines are alot better and Mia is gaining weight great.
I went though the first 4 weeks feeling miserable. The nurse at surgery suggested PND to me but i knew it wasnt i was just so anxious about everything i had been through happening again.
I am pleased to say now that i am alot better. Me and Mia have had a week and a half on our own now and we are into a good routine.
you will find it so much easier when the visitors ease off.....although it is nice seeing people...just very tiring.
xxx

I had an early post partum heamorage on top of my tears and my hb dropped to 8.5 so was also on iron. i think this made me feel weak and feeble too. As each day passes I am feeling stronger and as I see Isabelle gaining weight and all alert I guess I must be doing things right :0

i am alot better now than i was.... i went on to have a secondary post partum haemorage 10days after labour aswell....so that added on top of the haemorage left me totally down and scared. But time is a healer....and im feeling stronger everyday aswell. and its so much better now that i can enjoy my time with mia!!
xx

Ahhh Mary..sorry you having rough time. I just feel like coming out the end now and she is 8 weeks. She is sleeping, feeding and more content than in the first weeks. Even tho I have done it 5 times I still find the first weeks exhausting and so overwhelming.

I did not bf my first 2 and they are fine. I would not feel guilty..you did your best and thats all you can do. It is not the right thing for everyone and it gets my goat when mw start making mums feel bad. Formula is perfectly fine for our babies and at the end of the day what is best for both of you is the right thing to do! You have to enoy your baby and if feeding is miserable then you will look back and not see any fun in your first few months which is such a shame. You have done the right thing!

If visitors are overwhelming you then ask for a few days when no one comes. just relax and enjoy some time alone as a family. My last visitors left today and I am looking forward to getting a routine going!

Remember we are all here and make sure you talk to someone if you feel your slipping under! good that your OH looking for signs too. Thats so important to have their support.

Keep in touch
hugs


denise xxxx

Hey Mary,

Hope you're feeling bit better now, the first few weeks really are the hardest-honest!! You're all hormonal, your iron levels are low and like you said you're short on sleep but it really does get better. At least you know what to look out for and your hubby sounds like he's being a star.
As for the BF, don't beat yourself up over it. You've given her the best possible start for 11 days and what's best for baby is a happy, contented, pain free mummy. If you're happier bottle feeding then she'll automatically be happier. I had to stop BF'ing Evie after 11 days too as she just wasn't getting enough milk from me and I was in agony every time she fed. I was really upset as it had been going so well and convinced myself that I was a bad mum til a really good friend pointed out that my son had been bottle fed for the same reason and he's now a thriving 3 year old.
You'll look back in a couple of months and only be able to remember the best bits of the first few weeks. The sleepless nights, random screaming and hormonal flashes will be forgotten but her first smiles and acheivements will stay with you.
Like the others have said, we're always here.
Xx