I can't believe how crap I am at being a mum. I really and truly believed I would be a natural as i've always been good with kids. But Leo is now 7 wks old and rather than be starting to pick things up I think I'm actually getting worse at it.
He is so unhappy. Every moment he is awake now he screams. And not just cries but screams. It's awlful and I'm losing my mind. I don't seem to be able to help him. I've tried cuddling him, playing with him. Only thing that seems to work is hugging him tight across my body and then pacing the floor whilst gently rocking him. He gets to sleep, I sit down with him or put him in his bouncer but it only lasts about 15mins before he wakes up screaming again. The only time he is not screaming is when he is feeding which doesn't seem affected and he seems to be ok with.

I just feel a complete failure. I couldn't provide for him when he was inside me and so he didn't grow, had to be taken out early and go to SCBU. Now he's home I'm not doing any better. I feel guilty because I should be grateful I even have him but I think he hates me and I can't stop myself thinking he'd be better off without me.

I've called the health visitor and left a message asking her to come see me because I don't know what to do anymore. My husband is excellent and he helps out tonnes but he works nights and sleeps most of the day and it's so lonely. I just want Leo to be happy

sorry for the rant. I don't have anyone to talk to. My hubby doesn't really get it and my best friend seems to be
ignoring me. Probably because I've been a bit moody lately. Don't expect replies, just needed to vent

UPDATE
spoke to healthvisitor and she thinks it's reflux. Told me to take him to doctors. Just been and he thinks lactose intolorent which I'm not so sure. Given me colief to give him but he's also refered him to the paedritrican as he's a bit worried about him and him being so small. I've also got to go see doctor for a chat on Monday as he thinks I might be suffering from post natal depression. Feel a bit crap that I'm not coping with this I should be stronger




[Modified by: arlik on 08 June 2010 12:14:39 ]

Oh hun,he doesn't hate you and your not a bad mummy cos you wouldn't be writing this if you were! It sounds like he may have colic if it sooths him being on you like that?! Babies like feeding as their tum hurts i think it feels like its releving it a little but then it'll come back after, have you tryed gripe water?
I hope the hv hurrys up as it sounds like you need a good chat with someone. Vent away when ever you need,being a mummy is hard and filled with guilt but it does get easyer i promise! Xx

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way arlik, you are not a bad mum though as you are concerned and you love Leo. I hope the HV can give you some helpful advice to mae things improve. ((Hugs)) x

Oh Kelly, I promise it gets better. I was exactly the same with Lily. I felt terrible guilt about her birth and then felt guilt because she was so unhappy all the time.

Leo is fed, clean and loved. That makes you a brilliant mum. Just some times some babies have a bit of a rough time for the first few weeks of life through no-ones fault.

It took me a long time to realise that.

If you want to chat, call me

Serena X

Hon you're doing a great job, and you're a great mom. Leo has exactly what he needs, which means you're doing a good job.

I hope the HV has been some help.

Have you thought about getting a baby sling? It will be similar to hugging Leo tight but you'll have your hands free. I've bought one for Sophie's off days, but a quick word of warning - I can't use it yet as the minimum weight is 8lb and she's not big enough yet.

You're doing a fab job hun and are certainly not a failure so don't feel crap about anything. Leo doesn't hate you he certainly wouldn't be able to cope without you. Big hugs xx

You're not a bad mummy at all, it's all so overwhelming when lo is ok, let alone when there are any worries to contend with - and to have PND to boot will just make things seem even harder right now. I'm glad you're talking to HV about it, as help is available and the light at the end of the tunnel will appear hon - all we can all do is our best, a zillion times a day I wonder whether I'm doing it all wrong!

Big hug x

xxx

im sorry you're having such a rough time chick. Im in no position to give advice so just sending hugs xxxx

Oh Kelly, gutted you're still struggling, But you are not a bad mum! I know exactly how you feel because you know I wrote the same words myself the other week. It's terrible when you can't console your own baby, but I know all too well that in a situation like ours there's nothing anyone can do, not us, not anyone.
I haven't been on here for a while because Ive been the same as you, constantly pacing around with a screaming baby in my arms. I've come to check for an update from you and I'm so sorry to see that things are still the same. I've been finally given a half-solution. They changed Corynn's formula twice until we've found one which seems to keep her pretty settled. I know Leo has to have a special one, but are there other options you can try? It's worth a look; it's made quite a difference for us. She still cries and screams in the evenings, but it's gone from chronic all-day screaming colic to "normal" evening sessions.
I don't know if you'll get the same results, but it might be worth a try mentioning it? As for the reflux, it might be that too. Corynn seems to hate being laid down and I have to keep her upright for at least 20min - 30min after a feed and then she accepts being laid down. Is Leo the same?
xxxxxx Sending you massive hugs and strength, I know how you feel xxxxxx