To my DH:
Telling me I can do the last bottle because i'm 'so good at it' is not a clever way of getting out of things. It pisses me off and I know you just want to play on the Playstation.
Getting up at 6am with our daughter 3 times in 9 weeks does not qualify you for a medal or even a cup of tea. I get up 4 times a night, every night.
And while i'm on the subject... it is not 'easier' for me because I have Chronic fatigue Syndrome and therefore used to being tired. It actually makes it ten times worse!!!

To my mother (who i love so very dearly):
Isobel is MY daughter, MY baby, MY little girl. She is your grand-daughter. Please stop referring to her as your baby.
Replying 'when did you last get her weighed' whenever i mention anything about BFing is not helpful and makes me stressed. She is gaining well and thriving.
Please stop letting your dog lick my daughter's feet. I don't like it.

To my MIL:
Not bothering to contact us throughout the 9 months pregnancy is not ok. Deleting your son off Facebook is not ok. Turning up at the hospital 2 hours after I had an EMCS is NOT OK. Not bothering to make another visit for 2 months is not ok.
Your grand-daughter's name is Isobel. Repeat it 10 times to yourself and perhaps that will stop you forgetting it.
Yes you have a lovely dog. You also have a beautiful, clever, amazing first grandchild so perhaps we can focus a little of the conversation on her next time you deign to visit. Just a small fraction of your time and then we can go back to discussing the total fabulousness which is your dog.
....and breathe.

Feel free to add your own!! x

What a wonderful post! I could fill a book! x x

totally with you on the MY!

To my hubby I KNOW you didn't accidently fall asleep in the spare room, you wanted a full nights sleep!

Love it!x

To all the people who talk to me in the street...

He's a boy - the blue outfits and blankets give it away even though he is "such a cutie".
It's none of you business how old he is, how much he weighs or how I'm feeding him.
How would you know whether I'm looking well. Actually I feel fat and tired.
Oh, and no, he's not sleeping through the night and I really don't care that you know a baby that does.

Grrr

ha ha ha, this is great! will have a think

ha oh soo much to my mum yes he is hungry im starving him today, is he tired? I dont know ask him! Yes i have bought the gripe water! I get this everytime i go round lol. Friends, is he good? Yes hes a baby is there such thing as a bad one? im sure there is more cant think though

To my husband's client's: every time you demand that your work needs to be done immediately he has to stay late / work over the weekend thus depriving him of valuable time with his daughter so don't do it!

To my dad: No, I am not getting lots of sleep, I have young baby to look after so don't even ask if I am getting lots of sleep. If you ask my husband if he is getting lots of sleep you may get a positive answer.

To my husband: When was the last time you changed a nappy? I think it was about 7 weeks ago when you were still on Paternity Leave. Also - I don't want to hear about how shattered you are and how annoying it is to be woken up at 6am by me. Try being woken up during the night. You could always go to bed earlier instead of posting Monty Python lyrics on facebook and saying hello to me via my wall.

To the ladies in the chemist: She is a girl. Does the dress not give it away? No she is not "due a feed" she's probably fed up with being cooed over by you all and wants to go home.

To my Mum why is it when your first Granddaughter (aka Lily) was born you visited about 10 times in the first 3 months of her life yet when your 3rd Granddaughter arrived you have seen her all of 3 times in 10 weeks 1 of which we had to come to you and the 3rd time will be when you come to celebrate her sister's birthday!

To my brother just because you and your wife are struggling to conceive does not mean you have to take it out on my baby girl and not see her until she was 6 weeks old and even then that was because we came to you!I do understand and sympathise but the world can't stop having babies because of your problems.

To the nosey people on the bus who stare at me for having such a big buggy because they can't squeeze their fat asses past I HAVE TWO BABIES IN THERE who have as much right to be on the bus with you.

To my darling husband I know you go deaf at night and swear you can't hear anything but can you not get angry when I am dream feeding Mia and Lily wakes up and needs someone too and I have to poke you I have not got 2 extra arms that can stretch to her room to cuddle her (as much as I would love too!)and when I am having my 10 minutes relax and distress in the bath it is possible for you to look after your two daughters at once hey I do it all day every day...please learn to multitask!

[Modified by: ILOVEMYGEEK2 on July 10, 2010 12:31 PM]

love it im far too tired to write my own (trust me i have plenty) this made me smile xxx

seen this on the front page LMAO!!!!! thought id gatecrash with one of my own!!

To the people I meet when walking - im avoiding your eye contact because I am desperatly power walking to get my ds to sleep as he wont sleep unless i continually move, when you stop me to ask and or poke at him lift up his blankets to see what he is wearing (WTF is up with that by the way) you wake him up and no he has not 'just woken up' you did it so know I have to go back to the house and stick him on the boob and start the process all over again next time could you just f**k right off and leave me to it. thanks xx

Sorry to G/C but this is great!!!
To my Dad- I have just had an emergency caesarian section at 32 weeks pregnant and my tiny daughter is lying in an incubator in SCBU, do you really think that is the time to suggest I need to go on a diet!!???
Oooh that feels better, ta!!
Helen.xxx

had to gatecrash!!!

Yes i know how poorly i have been, yes i know how worried you all were about me! strangely enough it was my illness and it scared the sh*t out of me!! you do not get to use my illness for an excuse grrrghhh!

Mil you have grandchildren its a bit sad i have to show them photos of you so they dont forget you!

ex boyfriend 8 fricking years ago we broke up so no my 6 yr old is not yours unless you have some sort of blow dart contraption for impregnating ex girlfriends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR INSANE!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhhhh so much better

Sorry had to G/C from DIN

For my MIL:
Please stop sulking when we forget to tell you we are leaving the house for a family day out. YES day out we do not need to give you a run down of our every minute. Please stop calling Lily 'your' baby girl' she is not and never will be yours, Please remember I am nearly 6 months pregnant and that the baby is due on bonfire night. Your constant asking of this question is very boring and proves you never listen. Please stop sending letters addressed to Lily about how much you would love to visit if only 'your mummy and daddy would let me' you only have to ask and not be a petty so and so by writing to a 2 year old who can't even read!Please believe us when we tell you how bad Lily travels in the car and the 3 1/2 hour journey to you and then another 3 1/2 hour journey back is something we are not doing every weekend!

For my DH:
Please stand up to your mum, it makes me so sad that you admit you'd rather upset me than her.

For my SIL:
Hello, remember us? You've not seen Lily for 2 years...since she was BORN. If you can find it in your busy life then you are welcome to come here to see your brother and your niece.

Hmmmm rant over for now. x

To MIL:
Stop buying Lily crap! Endless bags of crap from the market that dont have kite marks does not buy you love. It buys you choking hazards. And there is no reason to give lily bags and bags of chocolate and magazines every time you see her. You see her at least once a week. She will end up as fat as the rest of you!

Plus on that note. When I say I go to slimming worls I mean I actually DO IT! Unlike FIL and SIL who go but live off a diet of cheesy garlic bread and cake. So no I do not want the giant bowl of ice cream you have just placed in front of me.
And when I say Lily is about to have her dinner, it doesnt mean that you can give her a biscuit and kinder egg.

To BIL: Start being a father to your kids. They dont deserve the s**t life you and your ex have given them. They did not ask to be born. Your new fiancee is NOT more important than they are.

To SIL to be: You are about to become a step mother. So act like one you selfish mare!

To hubby: Please divorce your family! (only kidding)

I feel better now. Rather theraputic!

Great idea. Am going to have to try really hard to not make this TOO personal!

To my DH:
I'm so glad we're over our rough patch brought on by the stress of the lo's colic. BUT please do not attempt to "get it on" with me when she's awake, it only leaves everyone frustrated!
I hate that even when it's my night off and you do the night feeds, I end up awake and sat up in bed too. I try to keep quiet, make sure Corynn is quiet too. Why can't you do the same?
Just because you're tired (how, exactly?! You sleep through her cries 6 nights a week) does not give you the excuse to be a complete arsehole sometimes. Talk to me like I deserve to be spoken to. Denying you're in a crappy mood only makes it worse, so admit it for god's sake!
Despite all the above, I love you more than ever. And thanks for the help you do give me sometimes, you've no idea what it means to me.

To my father:
I'm so relieved you love Corynn so much. I wasn't sure you were bothered about anything but drinking. Please stop for her, mine and above all, your own sake. I know you lie about it, because everytime you ring me I can tell and we've had the same conversation every night for the past week because you don't remember.

To my mother:
I also wish you were closer and I know you're heartbroken about being so far away. I wish you'd just take the plunge and move out here like you've been saying for years. Stop being a scaredy-cat, you'll never regret it if you come. I wish you were more daring and grab life by the balls, I feel like the mother sometimes always coaxing you to do things, try new foods (mission impossible!), etc. I was absurdly proud of you for taking a plane by yourself for the first time ever two weeks ago.
You do drive me batty though with your constant questions! Stop it!

To my brother:
I wish you weren't so bloody selfish and wrapped up in your own things. There's not much else to say here as I know it's a lost cause. We're never going to get on whilst you have this attitude and everything revolves around you and what you want. I'd kill anyone who hurt you though, just for the record.

To my friend:
Please stop taking on the likes, dislikes, personality, etc of any bloke you are remotely interested in or dating. No guy wants a lapdog long-term and that is why they use you and get bored of you after 5 or 6 months. Be your own person.

I'm sure I'll think of some more!
xx

I love this & it couldnt be more appropriate this morning.

To my DH: Please do not instist on telling me how tried you are. I am so so greatful that you help me with the 2am feed at weekends but you only do this twice a week. I on the other hand do this all week & also get up again for the 6am one. Please triple how tried you are & you may end up in my world.

To my dad: Yes you have only seen the baby 3 times in 6 weeks but when we were growing up we were lucky if we saw you 3 times a year. Just because you have changed doesnt give you the right to act like grandfather of the year-the damage has been well & truely done.

To my MIL: Move abroad PLEASE! He is OUR son, please stop referring to him as MY grandson. Please stop telling me he is hungry after having a full bottle. He isnt crying because he is hungry when you hold him he is crying cos he is tried. You have been cuddling him for over an hour & he wants his mummy or daddy to settle him to sleep. He will not settle for you so give up trying & bloddy give him back!
And dont give me advice on how to hold, feed, change or generally care for my child, Im a paedictric nurse & more importantly his mother I am fully capable of looking after him without your help. And yes we will look after your grandchild, you dont need to say those words to remind me to do it!

To my nan: I love you very much but please please stop rocking him to sleep. I have told you many times that we do not rock him as I dont want him to get used to it.

To my mum: You are my rock & I will be eternally gratefull for all your help. I would say this though.

THANK YOU I needed that! xxx

[Modified by: babymay2010 on July 11, 2010 12:01 PM]

To my OH- I know all you try to do is help and I do really appreciate it but when will you understand, that when you come in I don't want you to do my share of the housework for me, I'd like you to take Ryan and give mr a chance to do it myself quick. When at the beginning of your 4days off last week I told you that for the first time in 9 and a half weeks I'd like you to do his first feed while I sleep and to tell me which day you'd prefer I didn't expect you to completely ignore me. I know you don't hear him, but if I knew which day I could've given you a nudge (or a kick) when he woke up, not have had to gotten up myself, done his nappy wide awake going down to get his bottle being asked if I want you to get up?!
Also I do expect you to have developed telepathic abilities to know what I want, I know this is unreasonable but I'm fed up of being bad to feel bad asking you to do certain things.

To my mil- you abandoned your son so don't try getting in touch now, you have nothing to do with this family and I'm glad I don't have a mil driving me mad lol!

To all the rest of our family- thankyou for getting us and doing what we need when we need x

fair play cn xx

haha love it!

to FIL- you know i love you holding my daughter but when she starts crying could you please give her back so i can settle her rather than holing on to her for an excrutiatingly long time saying 'ssshhhhhhhhh'. she is crying because she either needs feeding or changing or just to be with me for a bit as she can be quite clingy. you can have her back when iv sorted her out. and if she needs feeding can i please do it, its not that you do it wrong but you dont do it how i do it and it upsets me watching someone else struggle to feed her just because you dont want to hand her back over, i am her mother after all!

to OH, you actually dont annoy me when it comes to baby duties but could you please not spend all day on the xbox on your day off haha!??


sophie
archie 3
and phoebe 8weeks
xxxxx