To my DH:
Telling me I can do the last bottle because i'm 'so good at it' is not a clever way of getting out of things. It pisses me off and I know you just want to play on the Playstation.
Getting up at 6am with our daughter 3 times in 9 weeks does not qualify you for a medal or even a cup of tea. I get up 4 times a night, every night.
And while i'm on the subject... it is not 'easier' for me because I have Chronic fatigue Syndrome and therefore used to being tired. It actually makes it ten times worse!!!
To my mother (who i love so very dearly):
Isobel is MY daughter, MY baby, MY little girl. She is your grand-daughter. Please stop referring to her as your baby.
Replying 'when did you last get her weighed' whenever i mention anything about BFing is not helpful and makes me stressed. She is gaining well and thriving.
Please stop letting your dog lick my daughter's feet. I don't like it.
To my MIL:
Not bothering to contact us throughout the 9 months pregnancy is not ok. Deleting your son off Facebook is not ok. Turning up at the hospital 2 hours after I had an EMCS is NOT OK. Not bothering to make another visit for 2 months is not ok.
Your grand-daughter's name is Isobel. Repeat it 10 times to yourself and perhaps that will stop you forgetting it.
Yes you have a lovely dog. You also have a beautiful, clever, amazing first grandchild so perhaps we can focus a little of the conversation on her next time you deign to visit. Just a small fraction of your time and then we can go back to discussing the total fabulousness which is your dog.
....and breathe.
Feel free to add your own!!

x