02/10/2013 at 15:03
Hi, this is my first post. I'm a new mum, don't have any close friends I can talk to but I really need some help to figure out what's wrong with me.
I had my baby at the end July and have been in a bubble of love since then. At my 6 week post check I had the DP injection. Since then I feel I have totally lost the plot with my relationship and spiralled downwards in my mood to a point that I am hating my partner and have asked him to leave. I've become really angry at him for lots of things a couple of which I've listed below: -
When baby was just 13 days old we attended my partners friends engagement/birth of baby party. I was driving as I was BF'ing and I thought it kind to allow my partner to have a couple of drinks at the party. That evening when I said we needed to leave as I wanted to get our baby home and had an hours drive home in front of me, he started to drink spirits and neck loads an loads more alcohol, he was wasted, he totally humiliated me in front of complete strangers and ended up having to be as much as kicked out of the house two hours after I had originally said I wanted to leave. I had our new baby to take care of and also him, when we got to the car he was jumping in the back seat where baby was in his car seat and I only managed to get him out of the car when I threatened to call his dad, bear in mind that my partner is mid thirties!! I drove home and then he started vomiting in the bath, I locked him out of the bedroom for the night. He was sorry for this the morning after and cried because I was angry and called him a bad dad.
Soon after having the DP injection I was feeling a bit low and was looking through photographs since birth of baby. I was devastated to find that there was not a single photo of me with my baby after the birth. However, there were photos which I took of babies dad having skin to skin contact (OH with shirt undone and baby laying on him) whilst still in the delivery room. This is really getting to me, it may sound stupid but it really hurts. I asked my partner why there are no photos and he stated that it was all overwhelming and that I didn't ask him to take any pictures or that I didn't give him my phone to take pictures or that I went off for a shower, etc excuse etc excuse. I had just given birth and managed to get off the birth bed to take photos of him and baby but feel so insignificant that there are none of me and the baby together in that special moment.
On top of this, since I've given birth my partner hasn't shown any appreciation whatsoever as to what I've been through, not a well done, not a thank you, not a flower not anything. I don't expect him to buy me anything, all I have wanted is some recognition and appreciation for the part I've played.
I am not a sefish person and I give a lot. Since the birth I have sent my partner a thank you card, lovely text messages thanking him and bought him gifts to thank him for his part in giving us this beautiful gift.
However, for some reason I am now feeling really unappreciated and worthless, I feel low sad and invisible and don't know if it's just me being selfish or if I am starting with PND or just having mood swings from the DP injection. I'm really happy and joyful with my baby and everybody else but am feeling really low insignificant and worthless in myself and hating and blaming my partner for so many things.
My partner keeps telling me I'm depressed or blaming the injection and I'm so so confused and would really appreciate some advice to help me work out whats going on with me please.
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