19/01/2013 at 10:58
my name is brittany, im 22 yrs old, my daughter is now 13mnths old.. i developed PND 6 weeks after giving birth.. well at that point i didnt know i had it, i hadnt been diagnosed yet.. i actually thought i had intestinal worms or a virus of some kind, i was weak and frail, i couldnt move, it was literally like i was slowly fading away, but at the same time i was very anxious and not sleeping atall.. i was sure i would die.. i was hospitalised and put on an IV for 3 days, the doc told me he thought it was all in my head and i was "making" myself feel ill.. i went home and felt better (for about 3 days) then the anxiety just got worse and worse.. i couldnt even feed my baby let alone pick her up, i went back to my weak self.. but this time it was different, i was thinking about death everyday, i was sure that something bad was going to happen to me and my family, totally paranoid, heart beating through chest, and i would just drink myself to unconciousness from the moment i woke up at 6:00am untill i passed out, i drank about 2 bottles of red wine from this time until i was unconcious.. and when i woke again i realised my baby had been totally neglected.. for hours.. half the day, no food or anything.. she was just a newborn. she would be screaming, i would cry, realising there was something really wrong, that it wasdnt in my head, i felt so guilty for what i had been doing to my baby girl! i spoke to my doc and he told me to go back to hospital, i was there for two weeks.. where i was diagnosed with PND.. they pumped me full of so many anti depressant trials, it took months before they found the right one and the right dosage, im currently on pristiq 100mg which eventually worked out great for me. its a very very long story but cut to the chase, i was again hospitalised another 2 times after the 1st two times (4 times in one year). i was put on suicide watch twice and had many telecompherences with psychiatrists plus spoke to a councillor every week (which doesnt really help). i eventually stopped the drinking and regained my energy.. the reason i was so lethargic through most of it were because of the zyprexa (scitsophrenia medication) as i was holusinating and so anxious i had a heartrate of 230pm. as soon as they weaned me off that i was fine and the pristiq could work its magic.. that was almost 12mnths ago now and i have been ok ever since.. i get down every now and then and the occational panic attacks but nothing like before.. im so greatfull that i didnt commit suicide and i didnt harm myself in the tough times.. my little girl got me through it all, i had to live for her and for others that love me, keep strong ladies there is always a light at end of tunnel, i know its hard to comprehend at first but it does get better.. i went through raw hell and i came back to earth.. u can do it too.. xx thanks for listening
Continues below ad
with our partner Childcare.co.uk
Nice to see you! Please do nose around, sign up and join in.