04/03/2015 at 22:09
Hello. I suffered PND with my frst child badly, it strongly effected my relationship with her. I was very worried about having another baby, in october i had my little boy and thankgod everything has been ok, i have an extreamly strong bond with in. the troble is i throught i was doing ok but it has shown me how i still dont feel a strong relationship with her. It had got better so i throught but now he is here i feel so different about eah of them. I feel treible. What kind of mother loves one chld more than the other!! i am so scard that se will start to notice as she has just turned 3. My husband says i treat them differently (i try so hard not to) and that will "give her a complex" i feel so guilty. she has has a few health problems which has lead to many many sleepless night. Infact she has onlyy ever slept through the night 2 times last week. this has lead to extream tiredness especilly when the new baby came along. i think this has not helped. i dont no what to do i am scard that she will grow up to hate me because she think i dont love her. when i do but in a different way to her brother
04/03/2015 at 22:34
Welcome to MadeForMums - and congrats on the birth of your second child!
We're sure some other lovely folk will be along in a moment with some helpful advice but we wanted to make sure your post didn't go unanswered for too long.
Please don't beat yourself up about your early relationship with your daughter. You had PND; you were ill - you have nothing to blame yourself for.
It's fantastic that you've been able to bond so closely with your son. Don't let that good news be clouded by regret for what might have been with your firstborn.
All you can do now is move forward, loving both your children - through that tiredness (poor you!) - the best way you know how. They're both so young; you have years and years of parenting ahead of you - and plenty of time to build a brilliant relationship with them both.
Be kind to yourself. I'm sure you're a lovely mum.
05/03/2015 at 09:56
Hi, i didn't want to read and run. PND is the worst - I myself has a bad case of the baby blues (Not PND - i know this much more serious) with both of my kids - but the second one was the hardest baby ever. It took me a year to fall in love with her.
My NCT friend had serious PND, and vowed not to have another child - it took her 4 years to feel ok with her child.I wanted to say this, and really echo what the poster said above - you were seriously ill - it's a hideous thing you went through - but you do love your kids, you said it yourself, and your little girl is only 3 - you have loads and loads of time for bonds to be made stronger. Please ignore the guilt - it's a horrid emotion. Just tell yourself, there's plenty of time x
05/03/2015 at 22:21
I had PND with my daughter and I'm now pregnant again and due in July. DD will be 2.
Im really worrying that I will feel low again. And im worrying that it will be towards DD rather than the new baby as the new baby will be 'easy' compared to the terrible 2s and the tantrums. However, I know that if that happens it's not really how I feel. It's the PND. It's an illness that takes over. I find separating my own emotions from the PND really helped last time and so will really try and do it again should the worst happen.
others are right - you have so much time still to bond and I do think that every mother loves their children differently anyway, because they are different little people! I am better with DD as she gets older. I always wanted a child rather than a baby and trally struggled when she was so small. Just try and make sure you have some time with her, quality time, perhaps when the baby sleeps? That way she won't miss out on mummy time x
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