Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
19/06/2014 at 22:03
Seeing Noodle's post on WW's BA made me want to post this. Apologies if it's repetition...
19/06/2014 at 23:58
Thanks for sharing x
20/06/2014 at 07:31
20/06/2014 at 08:10
Thanks for sharing counter, an interesting read! I don't think it sums up the psychological/emotional side of it completely or the way I saw it but very interesting.
20/06/2014 at 08:37
I'm with you noodle, I read it last week and didn't like it.
20/06/2014 at 09:20
I like it because it's the first thing I have read in that vein that might mean people (like my midwife the day after birth) don't automatically trot out the same sentiment. I know they mean well and understand why they say it, but...
20/06/2014 at 09:38
Oh I agree counter it's a line people say and I know they mean well and feel like they make you feel better (also like everything pregnancy/baby wise people feel the need to say something). It sounds a bit 'hippy' to me, I can't find the words to describe it lol!
20/06/2014 at 09:44
That's what I think too noodle, very hippy dippy like, let's all have a group hug, when no one can ever really know what the individual has gone through. Yes ultimately baby here safely is the main thing but instead of saying that, for me as an individual people should have said to me about the gross errors in my care and absolute incompetence which led to a horrific birth. It's all a bit to 'spread the love' for me.
20/06/2014 at 09:58
I think you can tell we are both medical TRF lol!
20/06/2014 at 10:09
Thanks for sharing this Counter, I read it with interest. I was really unhappy with my birth experience (not due to any lack of care on the part of the medical staff looking after me, I should add and also nowhere near as bad as some people unfortunately experience) and I was deeply upset for a long time afterwards. I'm not sure that this article totally covered what I expected from the title - it seemed to be more along the lines of how disappointed a mum can be if she didn't get the birth she wanted? Obviously I wouldn't have chosen failed ventouse/forceps/huge PPH etc but it wasn't that I didn't get my water birth that upset me - it was the sheer terror of how quickly things unfolded and how ill I was that traumatise me.
I got a lot of "aw, poor you, still...he was worth it, he's safe" etc and it really got to me. Especially my MIL who basically told me to pull it together when I sobbed in front of her. Weirdly, the people that I found tried harder to understand it from my POV were my friends who don't have children - they were concerned for my welfare and not just S's. I think because they looked at it differently. They saw a healthy baby, yes but they also saw me: scared, unable to talk about it without crying and still suffering the emotional and physical effects 9 months later. Whereas people with children just kind of wanted me to get on with it, like I was being selfish for being upset. It really surprised me! I don't know if anyone else found that.
Sorry - that kind of veered off topic! Actually feel a bit better for writing it down!
20/06/2014 at 13:25
I agree popcorn, I found people without babies were more understanding. I've been told by some people I was lucky not too labour or 'give birth' and they wonder why I now dislike them! It's very hard to deacribe how I felt but I certainly felt a failure and no one seemed to understand because my baby was healthy. Get it all off your chest here, we all understand! Sorry counter, now I'm hijacking lol
20/06/2014 at 13:51
I'd a category 1 section under general anaesthetic, he had been bradycardia and in distress for 40 mins at least which was ignored, it was picked up eventually and then they broke my waters and his heartbeat stopped and I was intubated and he was born seconds later. What angers me about the whole thing, isn't the fact I had a section, its the fact that the staff were incompetent, and a few days later when I asked why I'd had a section, people looked at me as if to say 'now now, what are you asking silly things like that for' , when I questioned things the drs were fantastic and immediately said there was grave concerns due to level of care, whereas the mws just kept saying everyone is ok, you are both well, then at the official complaints the deputy chief mw kept saying 'I don't believe my girls would do that' Wrt to thinfs thAt happened and things they missed, i mean wtf!!!
Re the birth experience, I'm not gutted I had a section, I'm gutted that staff error meant that my child was born alone, with my husband sat in a relatives room and me unconscious so L was surrounded by no one he knew, if there hadn't been incompetence which led to retraining and the birth went the same way and I still needed crash section then I think there'd have been more acceptance from h and I rather than the way it went.
Mil couldn't understand why we complained, she just kept saying we were all ok and why dredge everything up again but we needed people to be answerable for their errors. O also I remember the mw coming to the house (she was horrible) and said 'o you had a section then, what's the reason failure to progress?' H said no huge mistakes from your colleagues, and she just sat there
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