Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
02/09/2013 at 12:45
From the ask anything post.
Do you tend to parent your own way?
Not quite sure copycat is the right word but do you do things because others are doing them or because you want to for yourself/children?
02/09/2013 at 12:53
Very much not a copycat. I sometimes find myself single-minded to the point of obnoxious, I'm sure. I have always just 'known' how I wanted to do things and what I felt was comfortable/best for him/us. How I disciplined my son caused family arguments (my gran moaning at my mum about me, threatening to call social services, wtf). I knew I would never smack unless faced with circumstances I couldn't imagine. I knew I wouldn't shout.
There were a few things my parents did that I swore I'd never do and didn't!
I copy ideas I like or think would work with A, for example I saw a friend use the 'thinking mat' as time out and thought the portability of a mat is a good idea.
Generally I do my own thing, although I'm often conscious of others. For example last week at the park A and two of his friends we climbing on a wooden platform which didn't have any railing next to the 3 foot drop. The other two mums were calling/screaming at their boys to come back from the edge. I don't want to be that overprotective parent, and would rather when I do shout/scream at him it has an impact, rather than being the norm. I quietly told A to stay a little back from the edge. Of course A was the one who fell off (not completely his fault, someone fell into him). I wondered what the other two thought of the situation, but I'd handle it the same way again. A scared himself more than he hurt himself, and I hope the pay off is he'll have learnt to be more careful in future.
It's tough as now they're at the age where you discipline them it seems the difference in parenting approaches is greater.
02/09/2013 at 13:03
I do my own thing.
I often get looked at like I am a cruel Mum. If one of my kids fall over, I say "get up, you're OK". I don't go rushing over, in over protective Mummy mode, unless I know they have really hurt themselves. They get up, dust themselves off and carry on. I have noticed kids who get "Awww, my poor baby" when they fall, are generally mardy, like my SS. Even now at 5, if he falls over, we have screaming, and tears. As soon as he realised I wasn't running over to help him up, he stopped crying... The look I get off other Mums at the park is hilarious.
I let C watch films with 12 or 15 ratings. His friends aren't allowed. They can only watch Disney. He is also the only one with an Xbox. I constantly get talked about on the playground, as being too lenient with C.
02/09/2013 at 13:06
I can't be a copycat as I'm making it up as I go along! Seriously, I have ideas about how I would like to do things, which like BG are sometimes influenced by stuff I've read, heard or seen (sometimes as in I'd like to try it and sometimes because I hear something so try to do the total opposite!) but generally I tend to do things in an instinctive manner rather than planning them in advance.
02/09/2013 at 13:09
no i wouldnt say i was a copy cat but i do try things that i hear on here/hitched iyswim so for example i did BLW, non of my IRL friends did it but only me, so to them i looked very unique but then everyone on hitched was doing it, but i just did it because i understood the reasoning iyswim not because x y and z were doing it.
il try some things out but otherwise i tend to make it up lol
02/09/2013 at 13:18
Abnormal Kitty - My cousin is the same when her 2 fall over. They are great kids. Not at all wimpy and really confident too. Another friend's OH is always rushing over to thier son and molly coddlig him. He is soooo wet! Even my friend says so. She rolls her eyes all the time at him and wishes he was a bit tougher.
02/09/2013 at 13:26
I guess Ido my own thing. All of us NCT girls started BF but I was the only one to stick at it all the way. The others ended up mix feeding and then just formula. I also did BLW whereas the otters did purée and some finger foods. It was hard when they were all feeding real food at 4m and I waited until 6m, but I'm glad I did what I felt was right. In the long run it was way better anyway as I recall sharing cheese on toast with my son whilst the others were half feeding- half eying their own food and trying to hold a conversation.
I think a lot of it is being confident in your own decisions and approaches and not to be swayed by others. There have been times when I wish we'd had an amazing new pram/travel system or whatever, but actually in the scheme of things it didn't matter, it was just us being sensible with money.
02/09/2013 at 13:38
I do see others do things and will "copy" if I think its a good idea and will work for us. But I parent my own way, I don't do things just because another parent is. Although I do think it's evolved over time as I've grown in confidence in what I'm doing and am now more likely to stand up for my own way of doing things (I'm thinking to MIL for example)
02/09/2013 at 13:39
I do what feels right for us as a family. I try to give D the independence she wants without being too overprotective. I like to think she's learn more from her mistakes than mr shouting at her.
I try and spend lots of time with her doing things like play do and painting etc as my mum spent lots of time with us and I have lots of happy memories of that.
02/09/2013 at 14:23
I'd say I'm similar to what others have just said. I do t rush over if my child falls and as a consequence we only have dramatics if they have really hurt themselves, which means I know when to jump into action.
Though because I don't jump at their every fall L has a nice scar on his eyebrow which I suspect should have been stitched. And A suffered with a dislocated elbow for 2 hours until I decided it was more serious than just a bump (I'm not proud of that one)
I will "give into them" as my mum puts it to avoid arguments and for an easier life.
02/09/2013 at 14:56
I often ask my friends 'in this situation what do you do' and see if the response is something I feel would work for my clan but mostly I do my own thing - break a lot of 'rules', tend to take the harder route now for ease in the future (such as dealing with strops at bedtime/faddy eating spells). i'm quite a disciplinarian but I have 3 kids and hoping to have another so rules and behaviour is very important to me - EG: i cant spend hours on convoluted bedtime routines like I see some of my friends do, I don't have time - we have a routine and there is no deviation from it, none of this 'now I need a drink/snack/another hug/another story' and dragging it out by an hour (yes dear RL friend i'm thinking of you!!)
I'm sure people think i'm strict or possibly cruel (I used CIO, naughty step even in public, very limited treats) but my kids know and respect the rules and we have a blast and they are very good as they have good boundaries.
ooh, sorry that was a bit OTT - just had a long drawn out convo with a friend who keeps going on about how 'easy' mine are and she wishes hers was like mine (she attachment parents, never puts him down, still cuddles to sleep at age 4 and wonders why he's high maintenance) she asks how I have done it, I tell her and then I get 'oooh I could never do that'
02/09/2013 at 16:26
MIL really annoyed me last week when she said that I would be a lot softer with my baby than I am with SD. She half said it in jest when H said that I was more strict than him but I know that I treat SD no differently than I will my own. I wouldn't say I'm super strict but SD literally had NO routine when I met H which resulted in H putting her to bed every night with a DVD on as this was the only way she fell asleep, then she woke up every hour/ hour and a half screaming when the DVD went off. She is also really fussy with food and used to take 2 bites of any meal before declaring she 'didn't like it'. Now she is happy to go to bed with a story, sleeps right through and we eat all meals at the table and she doesn't leave until we believe she has ate enough. Her mum doesn't have a bedtime routine for her, will make her 2 different lunch options if she suddenly decides she 'doesn't like something' half way through and is the kind of mum that rushes over to her when she falls over. H was always concerned that it would confuse SD if she had 2 completely different parenting ways as we only have her 2 nights a week but things have fitted in perfectly and she is so much happier now than she used to be (especially now she gets a decent amount of sleep!). It also means that she plays up so much more for her mum because she knows she can get away with it.
02/09/2013 at 22:45
Not a copycat as such, but I do take ideas from how I see other people parenting, and things I read about on here. For example, BLW - I read about it on here initially and then researched it before deciding that it sounded like the right way to go for us and A, even though I don't know anyone IRL doing it.
03/09/2013 at 06:45
No I really don't think I am or will be. I do hear things like bwl and think that it sounds good and that's what I will do but generally we end up finding our own way.
I do laugh when I see it happen with my friends. One parent will be doing an activity with their kids and then the other friend finds out and goes and copies practically straight away.
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