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20/02/2014 at 12:51
Anyone else feel like they're just not cut out for this?
i know my girls are a blessing and I love them more than life itself but I am just so crap at being a stay at home mom.
i feel like I should go back work so at least I can afford to pay for people to do all the things I'm rubbish at.
my day at the moment is just full of housework I can't get done, babies who just seem to be miserable around me and me constantly chasing my tail, achieving nothing and failing at everything.
Or is it just me?
20/02/2014 at 13:43
MamaD you are not a bad mum (well if you are then so am I). I feel exactly the same but I think it's because we put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect at everything.
I feel awful that W tantrums for me and it's obviously because she's not getting enough attention and is bored. At weekends when H is home she's like a different child so he doesn't have a clue how hard it is on my own mid week.
I do worry loads that I'm neglecting them both, they're not getting enough interaction and stimulation from me etc. but I tell myself that I am over worrying. at this age they won't remember when they're older what it was like. I've started to accept that life can't be like it was when your first is little and they get all your attention. I'm sure we are not the only ones feeling like we do as a two year age gap is really common, and all those mums probably felt like us and their children have grown up perfectly fine. It's a difficult stage but it will only be a few months.
Obviously I don't know yet but I'm sure that in a few months time it will be so Much easier as baby isn't so demanding, and they are mobile so are able to play with toddler so then toddler doesn't get bored and unhappy.
This is my theory and what gets me through the days and weeks. I feel really bad that I'm wishing the time away until then as the baby stage it's so amazing and I want to enjoy it and make the most of it, but when I'm exhausted and putting W in front of the tv to watch toy story for the millionth time I tell myself it's just a few months,
20/02/2014 at 15:30
You're definitely not a bad mummy. The fact that you've said that you love your children more than life says it all. I felt like a bad mummy because i went back to work and had abandoned my boy 3 days a week. As it transpires, i think he has more fun without me, so i know he's ok and that i've made the right decision. Children do feed off your emotions, so it is important for you to be happy. I'd say sod the housework to make more time to do things with your children! Throw a load of washing in when they go to bed, have some dinner with the Husband, hang up the washing before and do the dishes before bed and start again in the morning!
20/02/2014 at 15:38
Your not a bad mummy at all, we all feel like this at times (I know I do and I only have the one). I guarantee both your children are wonderfully happy, we just think their not coz we aren't happy with what we are doing with them! Like everyone says forget the housework, it will get easier. So you manage to get any time for yourself at all?
20/02/2014 at 15:45
You're really not a bad mummy, I feel like this with 1, and I can't imagine how much more difficult it is with 2. You're doing everything you possibly can, please don't beat yourself up over not having more than 1 pair of hands, and really, sod the housework! It will get easier, until it does just know you're doing your best, and if necessary break out the wine! (After the kids are in bed.)
20/02/2014 at 17:20
Thanks all. I just feel like every day I'm just winging it. Fake it till you make it should be my motto in life. A is 5 months and has no resemblance of a routine at all, E refuses to sleep and its a challenge to get her to eat most days and I just feel like all that is my fault. I have every intention of doing activities with her but the time always seems to get away from means it never happens, I don't go to any groups - I can't even seem to make friends with any other mummies to hav play dates with! I'm just useless!
20/02/2014 at 17:29
I'm sure A has a better routine than you think, am I right in thinking A wont be put down? Whereabouts are you, if your near me id be more than happy to meet up, I'm sure their are others that would like too also! Don't be so hard on yourself being a mummy to one is hard, I can't even imagine being a mummy to 2 so i take my hat off too you xxx
20/02/2014 at 18:17
I feel exactly the same and have posted similar before. I work 30 hours and feel like I'm always doing a bad job wherever I am! Spend thursdays which is my day with E (and which I look forward to all week!) chasing my tail to get things done and exhausted from constantly chasing an 18 month old and counting down to nap and then bedtime, where i then have an hour to sort everything out for the next day, wash up and get straight before collapsing into bed myself knowing he'll be up at least twice in the night
I wanted kids so much but just had no idea how hard it is to juggle everything, especially working as well. It doesn't help that I allow things to get to me, silly things like facebook posts. A friend has two boys under two and she just seems to be absolutely sailing through. She is extremely glamorous and always fully made up with hair and nails done and her house is absolutely beautiful and seemingly always spotless. I know it's viewing it through the facebook lens but I can't help but feel totally inadequate when her posts come up in my feed everyday!
Big hugs, you're not on your own I promise xx
20/02/2014 at 18:27
MamaD I would really recommend trying to get to some play groups.
I try to go most days as it means W can run about and burn off some energy, they often have craft stuff/painting etc which I don't have time to do with her at home because of B not wanting to be put down, and they're nice safe places where you can let them run about and just sit down and watch them so it means you can sit and rest.
I look a total mess most of the time- hair like a scarecrow, baby sick and snot on my clothes etc, but I have got past caring. Before I had two I never would have left the house looking such a state , but I just don't have the time to get myself ready so I just go looking a mess. It's worth it to be able to get out of the house. I think if you stay in all day it makes you feel worse about everything.
I also try to get W to walk there and back so by the time we get home she's ready for a nap, and if I'm really really lucky B will have fallen asleep in her pram and so I can have a sit down and a cup of tea
20/02/2014 at 18:43
MamaD I'm sorry you're feeling like this. You are absolutely NOT useless! You are doing a fab job I promise you. You've had an extremely tough time of it with A's allergy and its been really hard on you lovely. The housework can wait. No one is going to go to their grave wishing they'd done more washing up. Echo what noodle said, whereabouts are you? Are there some mumdrummers on here that you can meet up with? I'm in the south east if that's any help?
Definitely try and get to a playgroup. I go to a church one and they've been amazing helping me. They've held S in the past when he's been screaming just so I could drink a warm cup of tea and it was amazing.
Sending you a massive weird Internet hug xxx
20/02/2014 at 20:24
Thanks all for your replies. Noodle, yes your right - she won't be out down for more than 2 minutes, she will only be rocked to sleep and even then fights me for about 20 minutes before finally giving in to it. And then I have to attempt to put her down! I'm in the midlands. Estralitta, I know exactly what you mean - I feel like everyone else is a naturel mother and have perfectly balanced being a mum and still have perfect hair, clothes makeup and homes. Today I am wearing cropped maternity leggings (did a mention A is months old!) As they were the only clean pair I could find! But at least I made it out of my PJ's today! Jellytot, I wish I could be past caring but the ones I have ventured too I found very cliche. I've not long moved house so maybe I could see if there are any more local to my new house. Popcorn, how's S doing now? Thanks for the hug! Its a shame we dont live closer as we could have met and supported each other through the horrible reflux! Thanks again to everyone for taking time to reply x
20/02/2014 at 20:40
I'm in south east also, such a shame we aren't closer. I understand about the groups but sometimes if your not feeling great about yourself they can make you feel worse. I'm sorry I have no further advice to give but keep talking to us, we can offer virtual hugs and wine lol
20/02/2014 at 20:55
20/02/2014 at 21:14
I've even tried taking e to a dance class on a Saturday when H can watch A cus she loves dancing at home but she just cries the whole time we're there and I feel like one of those pushy dance moms torturing her daughter!
20/02/2014 at 21:31
Oh lovey, you are such a good mummy. I take my hat off to you as I was having a meltdown with all the carry on before we got O confirmed as cmpi so I have no clue how you even made it through a day doing that with a toddler too! Your a super mum in my books!xx
21/02/2014 at 01:40
I know what you mean that some are very clicky.
I would try a few different ones. And even if they are all like that , if you can be brave I would still go but not focus on trying to make friends. Just go with the aim of letting E have fun. When you also have a baby you have something to do/ to focus on so it's not like you're sat all alone and no one is talking to you, you are sat feeding your baby or sat letting them kick about on the floor etc. so you can act like you're focusing on the baby and not bothered that you're not chatting to anyone.
I find that people don't chat to you the first few times you go , but eventually someone may do. And if they don't then so what- you wouldn't be chatting to anyone if you stayed at home anyway but at least at a group E is having fun and burning up some energy and you're getting out of the house and not sat staring at all the housework that's not getting done.
I live in the north west so am not near you unfortunately as I'd love to meet up as I feel we are very much having the same worries and problems at the moment. Please remember you really are not alone, keep chatting to us all on here. And every day that goes by you are a day closer to it getting easier xxxx
21/02/2014 at 02:07
S is doing ok atm, thanks although he still has some off days. He's still prone to meltdowns in public which I'm sure people judge me for but I just think no-one knows what he's been through and how to handle him like I do so bah! It is a shame we don't live closer, I just want to give you a cuddle, hold A for you and make you a cup of tea :) keep talking on here xx
21/02/2014 at 09:12
Definitely go to groups, I forced myself to sit with a large group and talk to them...it was sooo scary and I don't was so close to walking back out but I'm glad I didn't. Sod the housework, I do 30 -60 mins when A is in bed. Then an hour at the weekend. The place isn't spotless but I try and remind myself that I wont look back and regret not vacuuming but I would regret not enjoying my baby. Try going to the park, baby in the sling (without she sleep as you're walking?)...I find just leaving the house makes the day easier. We even walk to the library and he plays there happily, just something different. Are you near Nottm?
You are definitely not a bad mum though, you're knackered and it's relentless! I only have 1 and it's hard work...some days are fantastic and others are so draining! Keep going, try and tell yourself you are a great mum and enjoy your babies (a mind over matter trick!). I do think people are brave being sahms...it's a full on job!
21/02/2014 at 09:13
Stupid predictive text!!!
21/02/2014 at 10:20
Sorry you're feeling like this but you are in no way a bad mummy! A group would be good for you I think, I just started going to one and was really nervous and expecting it to be clicky but the ladies couldn't have been more friendly. Hope you're feeling a bit better today xxx
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