Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
17/11/2013 at 10:00
as some of you know already, last Tuesday night I was delighted to get a BFP at 12dpo.
I wanted to wait before posting anything until my AF due day was gone, which was yesterday. I got a very positive frer yesterday morning and plan on doing another cbd later to see if the numbers have gone up.
sadly, I had a mmc earlier this year, which was picked up at my 12 week scan, I had an ERPC in march and its taken to now to finally get that BFP. However, now, I'm just a huge bundle of nerves. I, hoping to have an early scan as reassurance but don't know when it will be yet.
my question for those who have gone on to have a healthy pregnancy after mc is, how do you stay positive? When did you believe it?
im swinging from ecstatic to terrified on a daily basis!
17/11/2013 at 10:15
I think when you can feel movements etc it begins to get easier. But really things can go.wrong at any time so its hard so relax as such but just get on with it as best as you can xx
17/11/2013 at 10:16
I was obviously not in the same situation as you but I found it very difficult to relax and stay positive until we were given the all clear by the consultant. A big milestone for me was the 20 week scan as that's where we were given the terrible news.
For you I guess the milestone will be getting past the 12 week scan. But hopefully an early scan will help as well. We paid for a private scan at 8 weeks because I was terrified something would be wrong!
I really have my fingers crossed tightly for you Rod x
17/11/2013 at 10:18
Thanks both, I suppose the fear will never go away.
I'm trying to just take each day as it comes. X
17/11/2013 at 10:42
Congratulations rod, really pleased for you. The only advice I can give is to take one day at a time, your always going to worry, nothing will stop that but as the days turn into weeks and you reach certain goals it does get easier, I started off by giving myself little goals, for example if it was Monday my goal wasto get to Friday, when it got to Friday I then set the next goal
Hopefully you will be offered an early scan? If not maybe book one privately, I did and found it really helped. As I said just take everyday as it comes and try and stay positive, x
17/11/2013 at 10:48
I'm waiting on a letter for a dating scan, so hopefully once that comes through it will give me something to aim for.
Thanks, we're over the moon, but trying to stay level headed!
My goal last week was get past this weekend, next one is get to 5 weeks, which is Thursday!
17/11/2013 at 11:09
Have you asked for a reassurance scan? I got one at 8 weeks in the same circumstances, then a dating scan at 12 weeks. I asked my midwife and laid it on about how anxious I was, which she understood. I won't lie, nothing will stop the worry; I'm still worrying and I'm now 36 weeks gone, but have had 2mmc and a regular mc. The days will pass one by one and you'll be fine. xx
17/11/2013 at 11:10
I think giving yourself goals is really good Rod, gives you something to focus on. Hope they offer you an early scan. Big hugs and congratulations xxxx
17/11/2013 at 11:13
I've lied n the midwife registration about my dates and said I'm unsure, so hoping they will book me in for a dating scan ASAP in case I'm further gone.
If they don't send it through I will book a private one, so either way I will know.
Thanks all, I know the panic won't go away but I just need to keep it at bay! X
17/11/2013 at 11:15
we had a TMFR at 18+5, then a mc at 6 weeks and a mc at 7 weeks. basically we didn't believe we would have a baby until i actually held him in my arms. every appointment and every scan was awful because it only meant he was fine at that specific time iyswim. after 20 week scan (we had had an early anomally at 18 weeks too, by 20 weeks id been scanned 14 times) we started thinking about aiming for viability (24 weeks) at 24 weeks we kind of thought aim for 30 weeks and then at 30 weeks it was aim for section date, whereas before 20 weeks it had been aim to the next scan iyswim, we just couldnt allow ourselves to enjoy it and embrace it as we had had so much heart ache and im always gutted that i couldnt have my lovely pregnancy bubble iyswim.
we got to 30 weeks and thought we had better see what is in the loft and what we needed to buy, we eventually got the clothes down at 34 weeks and he was born 4 weeks later
my advice is just set yoruself small milestones and aim for those.
17/11/2013 at 11:25
I think I feel a bit like CP said. I'm not sure I'll relax until u hold my baby in my arms.
At the moment on doing what you said Rod, setting small goals, each week/appt that comes up.
So next goal is an early scan. I'm shitting it though.
17/11/2013 at 11:38
I've still not relaxed. Staying busy is my way of coping but even now I could cry when I think I've got another four months of anxiety to go. Sorry that's probbly not helpful. Just take it one step at a time x
17/11/2013 at 12:01
I'm doing the small goals as well as a way of getting through. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
The ultimate aim for me is an early scan. I know that even if this looks ok it doesn't guarantee anything but it would give me peace of mind for a few days at least. I think it really is just taking one day at a time xx
17/11/2013 at 12:12
Oh it's so hard. After miscarrying I sort of expected to lose this time, which is a horrible way of wording, I know, but it fits closest. I wish I had good advice, but I think each person/couple finds their own way that fits them best, depending on their coping mechanisms.
My sister is 28 weeks and not bought anything yet. It's heartbreaking to see but at the same time it's how she copes, just 'wait and see'.
Really hope it's very uneventful for you and that over time you feel more at peace and start to enjoy it more :)
17/11/2013 at 12:23
Thank you everyone. So basically it's not gonna get better and will be the longest time of my life.
I'm just gonna take each day as it comes and hope for the best.
Stupid miscarriage taking away all my excitement and joy :(
17/11/2013 at 12:31
Sorry Rod, it sounds awful when you put it like that. I think once you have experienced something going wrong it does take the enjoyment out of it xx
17/11/2013 at 13:00
I guess the sensible way to look at it is that no matter if you worry/stress or not, it really won't change the outcome. If it's meant to be it will, if it's not there isn't anything you can do about it. That's hard to keep in mind but it might help you stay sane and hopefully enjoy your pregnancy in the meantime xxx
17/11/2013 at 13:14
IMO, you can approach it 2 ways be like me, totally burry your head in the sand abolutely terrified incase you experience that sense of loss and over whelming grief again (basically just holding your breath and willing that 9 months to go so fast)
or you can take the approach (the sensible one) that this is a new pregnancy, this is a different time, and you will take each day as it comes.
a lot of people take the approach i did as its through fear of what has happened before.
you are doing the right thing, small goals (and tbh thats what most people do even if they havent had mc, just aim for each appointment and scan)
17/11/2013 at 14:01
Day by day is the only way. I had a mc immediately before conceiving p and was very nervous during her pregnancy, and during this one. Particularly as this time i also had a huge bleed at 6 weeks when I assumed it was all over again. Despite the constant fear I refused to let it spoil my excitement and forced myself to he positive. Indent believe in tempting fate and things like thinking about names and researching prams etc helped mento think forwards rather than live every moment in terror. The worry is constant though and it never completely goes away. It eased slightly after early scans and then a little more after 12 weeks and a little more again after 20 weeks but pregnancy is a constant battle of worry I find
There are so many of us on here who have been were you are though and come out the other side with beautiful
Babies worth every second of worry. We are here whenever you need to talk.
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