Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
08/05/2013 at 16:15
Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble....
One of the reasons i stuck to mixed feeding with G is because i never felt able to bf when out and about unless i was in the car. I would never do it in cafes etc so every time i hsd to bf her i made sure i was at home which kind of took over my life for 6 months. Or i would take formula out then my boobs would be so uncomfortable.
So this time round with P i told myself i would get over my bf issues and just do it wherever i was and just cover up with a shawl/muslin. Well it turns out i feel the same this timeround as i did with G.
The 4 of us went to the pub for lunch today. Inevitably P wakes up hungry just before our food arrived and started to properly scream. So i am trying to discreetly get my boob out without revealing all (i had a vest top on under a normal top so i could pull one layer up and one down), whilst trying to cover myself with a muslin. H ended up trying to hold the muslin up like a screen while i sorted myself out. P is hollaring at the top of her lungs and wont latch on. Then lunch arrives and G needs sorting out. Finally get P to latch on but she keeps coming off because my top is in the way and then she cries again. By this time the whole pub is looking our way, i am in tears, P is still crying so i give up and give her the emergency formula i brought out.
How do i get over this? Do you openly feed in public? Its so fiddly to get them latched on without flashing boob.
08/05/2013 at 16:36
I don't have any experience (yet!) but have you thought about maybe getting a breast feeding cover for when in public? H's cousin had one and she was able to breastfeed in public easily and discreetly. Don't give up, and ignore everyone else around you - breatfeeding is a natural thing and there is no reason why you shouldn't feel comfortable in public x
08/05/2013 at 16:37
The way I got over my phobia was by meeting up with local hitchers who confidently bf in public. I soon got my boobs out without a worry. One memorable moment was in a forest where they were filming Harry potter. Rupert grint drove past whilst I was sat on a log feeding!
You could try tuckinh the top of the Muslin in the top of your top so it drapes over her?
Don't put too much pressure on yourselves x
08/05/2013 at 17:10
I got a proper cover. £27 but one of my best purchases as can feed anywhere discreetly and don't feel conscious as nothing, including baby!, Is on show. I would 100% recommend I use all the time and feed all over and I'm q self conscious
08/05/2013 at 17:11
I agree with WH. I used to go out for lunch at least once a week with friends who were also breast feeding. This gave me the confidence to do it myself. Also practise is the only way you'll get used to doing it more discreetly. whilst I was still 'learning' I'd make sure i was sat in a corner or facing a wall so I could get my boob out without too much worry. You'll get there eventually xx
08/05/2013 at 17:21
Is there a 'boob' group locally you could attend. I was exactly the same with my 1st and gave up BF very early on as a result. I then became friends with a number of mums who happily BF their baby in public and it gave me the confidence to 'join in'. I also attended a local BF group, which was basically like a coffee morning, but where everyone BF their babies. Maybe your HV could advise you on some. Until S would latch quickly, I used to do the same as Mrs B. If you can get over being so uncomfortable you will find it so much easier for out and about as all you'll have to take feeding wise is yourself!
08/05/2013 at 17:22
Perhaps a cover is the way forward for me..... I keep worrying someone will say something horrible as in my hormonal state i know i would burst into tears and probably never attempt it again.
Thanks for all your advice x
08/05/2013 at 17:24
LWO yes there are some breastfeeding groups i can go to. I will definitely be going once i can drive after the section. Hopefully that will give me some confidence...
08/05/2013 at 17:35
Could you maybe start going to places where you know they are bf friendly or lots of space for you to be discreet, or if you feel really uncomfortable a shopping centre with a feeding room etc just to get your confidence up?
08/05/2013 at 17:36
tbh I think those covers draw more attention to feeding. As you are putting it on in front if people. I was very conscious of feeding L so in the new born days if we were out I'd use a vest and top to pull up/pull down, we'd go to a table at the back and I'd sit with my back to the restaurant but face h iyswim and that way few people seen me. I then grew in confidence as I net other bfers and as L grew his latch etc got better so no one ever noticed.
I bf L for 14 months and I for 12 months (and Isaac fed A LOT!!!) and in all that time the only negativity I got was from family! People are often so busy that they don't notice or if anyone dared say anything at all then I'd shoot them down in flames (I'd cry after it !!! But at the time I'd be angry as I'd only be trying to feed my baby iyswim)
Can you get to a bf group?? Try ebm whilst out? Try feeding rooms? There are some lovely ones (John Lewis, mother are etc)
08/05/2013 at 17:37
When I first started feeding in public, i'd sit with my back to the room, until i'd got J latched on. I did this until I became confident enough to do it without hiding.
08/05/2013 at 17:42
Is the concern flashing your boob because you're embarassed or incase someone says something to you so you feel like you would offend someone?
Back to room is a good idea if your not confident to them the people to bugger off! I think faffing with a cover would draw more attention. I never BF so please fell free to tell me to bugger off, but my bestie BF in the pub all the time. She'd whip her boob out under top, latch baby on and pull top back down over baby's face. I would give the death stare to anyone even remotely looking in our direction.
Hope things improve for you x
08/05/2013 at 17:48
It takes a while to get the hang of it, and it's still early days, I did my first public feed in a Costa at 3.5 weeks and forced myself to do it as I didn't want it to become a big thing. When I think back now we were far from discreet, I tried putting poor A's whole head up my top, unsurprisingly he took offence and make a lot of fuss, as I couldn't see what I was doing he kept coming off and we were both covered in milk by the end BUT it does get easier, I went on to feed in all kinds of places for 10 months. Practice at home in front of a mirror and with that and as her latch gets more established you'll soon do it without a second thought.
I didn't BF outside the hospital but just wanted to reassure you that really its very discrete. H and his friend at a family wedding were cooing over the size of a baby there. The mom was bfing in a drop sleeve ballgown type dress and when I said to them after that the lady perhaps wanted a bit of space to feed neither had realised baby was being bfed they thought he was just having a good cuddle.
08/05/2013 at 17:57
I think my issues are a mixture of the 2 Belle. I would be mortified to flash someone in a Starbucks and equally worried about someone saying something horrible.
Perhaps i will see if there is a bf group i can go to before H goes back to work so he can have G while i get out. See how the other mums do it!!
I'm so sorry you had a bad experience, it must have been very disheartening so have a hug xx
A rarely cries for food ('cos I'm lazy and stick a boob in as soon as he whimpers!) but if he does then he really gets in a state and it's so hard to latch him. So I never let him get to that state when we're out, I try to feed right before we leave. I appreciate that can be hard to schedule but if I need to go shopping in the morning I'll get everything ready then wait for him to feed, then grab the bags and go. I'm lucky in that he will 'snack' so if I need to be somewhere at a set time then I'll try him on the boob before we go... 9 times out of 10 he'll take it and 'top-up'.
Okay so once we're out of the house, I try to watch him. The second he seems hungry, I try to find a place and feed him. If I know it's coming up to time, I keep an extra close eye on him. I don't bother with a muslin/cover, just do the 2 tops thing. Your boob is out for a second, then baby's head and your arm covers it all. Sometimes I unhook bra, then pull down vest top while the top one is still covering my boob, for extra discreetness.
I know it all sound very complicated but it just sort of becomes second nature.
08/05/2013 at 18:15
I went to BFing group when LO was tiny. She slept through the entire thing the 1st time I went and I remember being so relieved I hadn't had to get my boob out in front of people (even tho I went because I wanted help!) But seeing other mums getting their boobs out did help. I found a cover up too much faff. Somehow we got more confident in public - practice made perfect I think. Also, I realised people are so wrapped up in thier own world, they dont even notice you feeding!
08/05/2013 at 18:52
I used to use the pushchair as another barrier too - so I kind of sat behind it .
I think you're very brave and remember it was your first attempt. I used to feel exactly like that and could never imagine being someone who could just get her boobs out but I did become like that eventually. It takes practise and every time becomes easier.
08/05/2013 at 18:57
I would try to sit at a table in a corner or facing away from people but this wasn't always possible. I'm a shy person but one time had no choice but to feed in the middle of starbucks next to a table of firemen! To be honest I wasn't ever aware of anyone watching. It will get easier with time x
08/05/2013 at 20:34
I started out feeding where I was comfortable so at the homes of other NCT girls, then waitrose cafe, infact waitrose/johnlewis cafes are a good place to build up confidence as they have a breast feeding friendly thing in place so staff should ask you to move to respond to other peoples complaints there fore you don't have to worry about those issues.
Sitting with back to room while new to breast feeding also helpped. once we got the han of it there was very little opportunity of boob flasing. If I feel exposed I use a scarf or muslin to cover babys head but only put it in place once baby is latched as other wise it was to faffy.
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