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22/06/2013 at 22:36
I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding in December. However, I will be a little over 37 weeks on the day which has got me more than little worried.
I was talking to them both last night and his fiancee said that one of her bridesmaids was probably going to drop out and they could butcher the two bridesmaids dresses that they have to put in extra panels so mine will still fit me. I said that was assuming I was going to be up to the role at the time as I'm already starting to struggle a bit with hip pain at just over 12 weeks. I have hypermobility syndrome so have issues with my joints.
She said she would look into getting the dresses changed or getting me one made to match anyway which is lovely but I'm really worried about whether I'm actually going to be up to it. I know it's very early to be stressing about this but I don't want to let them down and I don't want them to be spending more money with the possibility that it might all be wasted.
I have offered to get a dress made myself (my cousin is willing to make it and she's very good at dressmaking) and I would feel happier with that...
But am I worrying over nothing? WWYD? I'm just wondering if actually it would all be ok. I've never been a bridesmaid as an adult and don't really know what's expected as when I got married mine just stood around!!
22/06/2013 at 23:03
Never been an adult bridesmaid or 37 weeks pregnant. But as a bride I'd be happy for you just to turn up and be part of my day. I wouldn't care if you did nothing other than walk down the aisle with me. I'd also be happy for you to sneak out for naps and a good sit down. I also woudn't mind if at the very last minute you has to pull out. I'd rather you tried.
In your shoes I'd do it. Book a room in the hotel (if it more than 10 mins from home) and bring your notes!
22/06/2013 at 23:34
Tbh you won't really have to do much. Walk down the isle, you could sit at the front during the ceremony. Stand for a few photos, sit during the meal and speeches, dance the first 2 dances then that's you really. I would still do it. I went to a wedding at 39 weeks and yeah I was tired, but no more than I would have been at home.
22/06/2013 at 23:39
Thanks both. I really want to do it. I think I'm just scared of letting people down
Custard, that's a good point about the hotel, it's about half an hour or so away, they only have a couple of rooms available for guests but I'll have a word and see if they can get me one
23/06/2013 at 08:04
I'm 36+1 and would be shattered going to a wedding - as a guest or a bridesmaid though. Photos tend to take ages at weddings and there's no way I'd be able to stand about getting pics taken with the pains I have in my legs and back just now. As long as there were seats available for you I'd do it but you really won't know how you're going to feel til nearer the time
23/06/2013 at 08:29
I had a seven week old baby in special care by 37 weeks. My point is you just never know where you'll be. I'd have an honest chat with bride, saying you'd like to aim for it, but that she needs to be relaxed about whether you make it/how much you will be able to physically contribute/you attending the hen night. I'd also pre-warn her up front about standing for photos for long periods. Just set her expectations a bit.
23/06/2013 at 08:38
I'd have been fine to last time, although we didn't go to one at 37 weeks but that's because it was 400 miles away.
Just set her expectations, you could feel fine or you could be crippled with SPD by then (hopefully not though!), you won't know until much nearer the time. You may feel bad saying no now and then feeling fine on the day.
23/06/2013 at 08:46
I wouldn't have wanted to be. I was huge both times and I would want to wear something I was comfortable in, with L I struggled to walk from 36 weeks and was very very very moany! I'd have been fine with Isaac except I'd have scratched the whole time I was there as my legs were ALWAYS so itchy
My only experience of wearing a bm dress was when I was 14 weeks pregnant with L, the dress was horrible and I looked horrible so with a bigger bump I'd have looked worse, also there was huge gaps between breakfast, the service, then food and I almost fainted and h had to run to get me an ice cream cone
23/06/2013 at 09:06
I'd do as the others said. Set her expectations now and say you'd love to be part of the day but you don't want to make her think it'll all just run perfectly. If they are happy for you to just be part of the day and bridesmaid in name, photos etc then aim for it and see how you get on. As a bride i'd want to know you'd tried but would have had no clue what pregnancy entails so i think you have to kindly set out how you feel etc. You may well be fine and enjoy a day out to distract you from imminent labour, or you may not be wanting to move from your sofa. Play it by ear but keep them in the loop.
23/06/2013 at 10:06
I'm nearly 36 weeks and at the moment I'd be fine to do it I think. I'd need to be wearing flat shoes, a looser fitting dress, and probably need to go to bed at about 10 but other than that I personally feel ok.
23/06/2013 at 12:38
I'm almost 36 weeks, am struggling just to do the school run (by car) however as long as the bride is happy that you might not be able to take as full a part as normal then I would still want to do it. I would probably have to sneak off for a nap part way through the day and I doubt I'd make it to the evening reception.
23/06/2013 at 16:44
Thanks for the advice re setting her expectations. She already has 3 kids but all her prenancies were really straightforward. I might be fine and perfectly up to it, think that with already starting to get pain in my hips I'm just a bit worried about what I will be up to doing. Standing is already creating a bit of a problem, I've got a muscular injury across my left hip as well as the hypermobility so that's a real pain. She obviously wants me to be part of her day and I wnt to be part of it too, it's my little brother's wedding and unless I'm actually in labour I will do everything to make sure I'm there. I don't really know what would be expected of me so hopefully we can sort that out nearer the time. I think she was thinking I could keep an eye on her girls as well but might have to rope someone else in...
Hollywood, I did think of you and also one of m friends has just had a little boy 3 weeks early so it's possible that I might not still be pregnant at that point!!
cherry pie, that's a really good point about the food! Would it be totally inappropriate to take some snacks?
23/06/2013 at 18:27
I'd take snacks! For you and her kids! Weddings are long and I get hungry! You'll be the cool aunty sat down with the tube of Pringles! ;)
23/06/2013 at 18:40
Definitely take snacks! I always think there can be such a long gap between eating at weddings and i get hungry when not pregnant and waiting around!!
23/06/2013 at 18:45
Do you want to be bm? At 37 weeks I wouldn't want to be responsible for looking after her children, I'd be knackered enough myself and I'd want to try to enjoy myself without running after children all day.
23/06/2013 at 18:57
I wouldn't be agreeing to look after her children, in all honestly I can barely look after my own child at the moment and certainly not for a whole day like that.
23/06/2013 at 19:32
Jb, I feel the same and I'm not pregnant the thought if my 2 at a wedding at the moment, god it wouldn't be worth the stress at all, Never mind at term! I went for lunch in town last week with the 2 of them and only just survived as I had wine
23/06/2013 at 19:34
I was a bridesmaid at 26 weeks and it was pretty knackering to be honest. But the bride was also pregnant (16 weeks) so I didn't feel I could use it as an excuse, lol. Be clear that you are up for minimal duties only and may back out nearer the time. To be fair anyone would expect that i think x x
23/06/2013 at 20:45
CP I do want to be a bm but as much because her and my brother are so excited about me being bm than because I actually want to do it!!! Ahhhhh wine, the best way to get through anything lol Hers are a bit bigger than yours but still completely exhausting.
I think it probably will be a case of minnimal duties and she will have to get someone else to run round after the kids. To be honest I'm too tired for that now, never mind when I get that far!
At least I feel like now I wasn't overthinking it...
24/06/2013 at 22:26
I was my sisters matron of honour at 38+3 and was fine (and I wore heels). I already had my bridesmaid dress made before I got pregnant with a 25" waist :-s I had it fitted at 38 weeks. 7" panels were put in the sides so that I could get it on. My feet were very swollen by the end of the day and I gave birth 3 days later so for me it was a great experience and would definately do it again. It would be good to see how you feel nearer the time.
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