01/02/2014 at 13:05
So I just wanted to get this off my chest as it's been weighing me down for quite a while :-( I gave birth to my first baby in July last year, and I had the most straight forward pregnancy and start to labour. My waters went in the early hours of the morning and I laboured fine throughout the day. I got to 10cm with no pain relief, not even gas and air (which was a big surprise to me thinking I would be a complete wimp!) I was finally taken to delivery suites and was pushing well for 2 hours, but my little girl decided it would be fun to turn in the birth canal and get herself stuck. This led to me needing an EMCS.
Immediately after giving birth I was so relieved about my baby being ok I didn't give the birth much thought. But from the following evening until now I can't help but feel like I was cheated out of the delivery. I know the most important thing is that myself and my daughter are healthy, but I feel like I went through 99% of the birth without the amazing part of pushing my baby out. This in no way means I think c-sections are easy, it took months for me to feel 'normal' again and it was a tough recovery.
This is something that really affects me to this day, so much so that when I read of another woman having a natural birth I am filled with jealousy and a sadness that I couldn't do it. I tried talking to my husband about it, but he doesn't see why it should be an issue for me. Does anyone else have experience of this? I love my baby girl to pieces, she just means the world to me, I just wish I could have finished the job of pushing her out!
01/02/2014 at 14:17
I had a similar experience with both of mine. Laboured fine until pushing, then couldn't get them out. C was ventouse and S was forceps, the later was quite traumatic. I do feel envious when i hear of people who seem to virtually pop their babies out, but both of mine are fit and healthy with no awareness of their entry to the world, so i don't let it bother me. It sounds like the position of the baby could have been an issue, so there's a good chance that you could have a vaginal delivery if you have another child. Don't let this stop your enjoyment of you little girl. X
01/02/2014 at 14:36
I also felt bad after my EMCS. I never actually went into full blown labour, baby's heartrate was very erratic so they decided on the EMCS. At first I was horrendously jealous of anybody who managed to give birth smoothly, but I'm really OK with it now. I'm happy with what happened. I knew I was OK with it when a friend had a perfect water birth a few weeks ago and I didn't feel any shred of jealousy or wishing it were me. My birth was Feb last year, hopefully you just need a little longer to get your feelings straight.
01/02/2014 at 17:59
I had a very similar experience, did really well on just gas and air, ended up pushing for what felt like forever! ( I think it was 2 hours in total) Failed ventouse and forceps so eventually had emcs. I too felt very jealous of those who seem to sneeze and out pops their baby! It's tough going through so much and feeling like you didn't really "finish the job", but time is a healer and I think the reality is that very few people get the birth they truly want.
Give yourself a bit more time, I found a chat with someone at the hospital quite helpful too. Maybe see if your hospital offers a similar service.
02/02/2014 at 03:17
I'm sorry you had such a difficult labour and are still feeling sad about it now. It's a very emotional thing.
I laboured well after being induced but S was delivered with forceps after failed ventouse. I felt like a failure too and felt so envious of my friends who had these serene water births. My labour felt like something from a medieval torture chamber! Rightly or wrongly I felt that my relief of S being here safely didn't help me feel any better about his birth. How I feel about him and how I feel about his delivery are separate. I had a birth reflections appointment at my hospital that really helped me, definitely see if you can arrange something like this, they will be able to explain why things progressed the way they did and what the chances are of it happening again with any subsequent deliveries.
Thankfully I feel like I came to terms with my labour/birth quite quickly, much sooner than I thought I would but it's a rubbish feeling to not get the birth you wanted. You did an amazing job bringing your little girl into the world, especially to get to 10cm without even a puff of gas + air! Wow! Maybe try to be proud of yourself for that :)
03/02/2014 at 10:21
I had a very similar experience with my first. Got to 10cm but she wouldnt budge so i had an emcs under ga. I ended up having a birth debrief back at the hospital and it helped massively. Would definitely rcommend this xx
03/02/2014 at 20:51
Thanks everyone glad to see I'm not alone! X
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