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16/02/2015 at 11:38
I had a really bad experience when I had my daughter, fourth degree tear and depression. My marriage ended as a result of it and I felt like after my daughter was born my husband lost all interest in me.
I have a new partner now and we are due at the end of March. I have been advised that a c-section would be advisable to avoid causing further damage and I am at peace with that as best I can.
I have made arrangements for my daughter to meet her sister and then spend some time at her dad's whilst I recover plus it's half term that week and he was originally going to have her anyway.
My Oh came home from dropping his son back to his mums last night and told me that the same day I get out of hospital from the c-section he is picking his 4 year old son up for the weekend.
It's a 3 hour drive there and 3 hours back.
I feel very upset that I will need him and the support and that we won't even get 5 minutes together before he disappears to fetch my step son.
I am concerned about how tired and sore I will be and to be honest already feel like how I feel isn't being taken in to consideration or our needs are not being thought about.
I know I am probably going to be blasted for this post just want to know if anyone has gone through similar.
I know he needs to spend time with his son but the idea of being abandoned straight after I get home scares me beyond belief. Sat here crying.
16/02/2015 at 16:05
I really think he needs to support you on this one, and not have his son for that weekend. You will be sore, tired, emotional, and trying to get to know your little one, establish feeding, etc. Although, how do you know which day you will get out? You could be in for longer than you think, which may be preferable in this case. Huge hugs, it sounds like a tricky situation.
17/02/2015 at 07:27
I agree with Saffron. If he really wants his son down are there no family/friends of the family that would be willing to collect? If not could he not just skip a weekend and make the time up later. I agree with S, about half the people i know do not get out the day they thought they would, even if for a relatively minor issue. I think you and your child have a right to expect the other parent to be there when you really need them. Just like his son should be able to count on him when needed at other times too. I would also be upset.
17/02/2015 at 09:39
I had a emergency section with my first, and i'm opting for an elective this time round too. You will need support from your OH from the minute you get home. You will be recovering from major surgery and you will have to watch what you're doing for the first 6 weeks. You will probably be advised by the hospital/midwives that you shouldn't be lifting anything heavier than your baby for the first wee while too.
You also will not manage a 3/6 hour car journey after a section either. I live about 40 minutes from the hospital and i felt EVERY bump in the road home.
Do you have a midwife appointment coming up that you can speak to them about your concerns, maybe even take your OH with you so he can have it explained to him by someone other than you how important it will be for you to have his complete support?
I really think he should arrange to have his son over the weekend before or a couple of weekends after you get home. Apart from dealing with the recovery, you will also have a new baby in the house that will be a shock to the system that you both could do with having some time to settle into.
Please speak to someone about how you are feeling too. I don't want to suggest it, but if you're not careful, you could wind up going down the route of PND which is not somewhere i'd want anyone to go.
18/02/2015 at 14:06
First of all, hugs to you, my lovely. Your birth experience from last time and the plan for this time can be overwhelming enough without the added stress that you have with your H and childcare situations.
I agree with the others that I think you have the right to expect more support from your H. Whilst it's understandable that he would want to minimise disruption to his son's routine, I think an exception could be made in this instance. It's possible you won't get out on the day that you think so it would be best to have a couple of different plans in place but really, you need him there for you the day you come home and after as well.
He may not really be aware of how big a deal a planned C-section is so RKB's suggestion that he come along to one of your antenatal appointments is a good idea.
Don't suffer in silence on this - talk to your MW and post on here as much as you need to x
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