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12/07/2013 at 08:23
I work in a very pressurised demanding job doing risk managements for values into the high millions. I have worked my way up the career ladder the last 10 years and am finally in a position where I earn well and have a good standing in the company. I think I have a good work/life balance. Yes its absolutely crazy sometimes but I still love my job and the feeling it gives me.
I have a 3 year old and we will be TTC-ing # 2 soon. My question is I think I can have it all - a good job - ok when # 2 comes along I will take 6 months maternity leave and then go back at 35 hours. BUT why oh why must I always have to justify my working hours to my H? We live abroad where I am the only one of friends with children that works fulltime. They all have given up or work part time. If we lived at home (Ireland/UK) s it would be the norm. that Mums go back fulltime...
Grr, sorry for the rant - I'm annoyed because I was told yesterday that I may get a promotion soon to create my own team which means more work, more responsiblility but less travelling and all my husband says was good news but I don't want you working even more, its borderline already.
WHY Can't I have it all????????????? Any other similar experiences out there?
12/07/2013 at 09:07
I would be furious. To be honest I would just turn it round and say, why can't you cut YOUR hours if you feel the kids need a parent at home more. If you are happy with your work/life balance and HE is the one with a problem then HE should be the one taking steps to fix it.
I am not going back full time, but my H is in the process of asking for fewer days too. I see it that we are both parents and childcare is the responsibility of both of us.
12/07/2013 at 09:35
Thanks Saisi - the way of thinkng over here does'nt help either.....
Ah well - just have to convince him that I have everything under control and can do everything without showing any weakness :) MEN!!!
12/07/2013 at 09:42
Im sorry, but your comment " If we lived at home (Ireland/UK) s it would be the norm. that Mums go back fulltime..." is actually quite a slap in the face.
I dont work full time out of choice, I work full time because I have no other choice.
I hate spending all my time away from my daughter and I feel really guilty that I havent been with her for the first 4 years of her life and her grandmother has. Its personal choice if you want to work 40+ hours but to me having a family and spending time together is more important than a career.
12/07/2013 at 09:53
Didn't mean to annoy anyone Poppyseeds - sorry if you took offense. I do struggle with guilt about working fulltime don't get me wrong.
12/07/2013 at 09:56
That's the whole point that it is a personal choice and in my opinion there's absolutely no reason why you can't have a successful career and a family. That's what I am hoping to do anyway. My job is pretty demanding as well and involves a lot of travel which my H doesn't necessarily like either. Whilst I would want to cut down on the long haul travel when we have a baby, I have worked so hard to get where I am that I don't see why I can't work full time with a family.
12/07/2013 at 11:27
None taken Sue xx Well done in getting to where you are.
I guess i am just not as career minded, but i dont think i would be able to have a full on career, all the added pressures, extra working hours and be a mum at the same time.
12/07/2013 at 11:55
I am with Saisi on this one. Your OH needs to realise the child (ren) are BOTH your responsibilities. If he feels they need a parent more then HE should cut his hours.
I do think sacrifices need to be made for a family, but this needs to be on both sides if both parents are present.
12/07/2013 at 15:34
We are in a similar position and it is tough, my H may sometimes make comments but In general is very good, every so often i remind him that i to have to work and can only do so much. I am not so career minded and may have also mentioned to him to hurry and get a promotion so I can change jobs lol
Good advise already given, daren't say it to my H as be would prob take me up on it!
Good luck for the promotion.
12/07/2013 at 17:14
I'm not sure going back to work full time is the norm in the UK. Of all my mummy friends only 2 went back full time, one because she was planning another soon and wanted the full mat package next time, the other went back for career reasons (she was a colleague before a friend IYSWIM).
Those who I know do it at my company/in my market, pretty much all have nannies which helps ease the burden.
Personally, the 3 days I work H does his fair share, either dropping A off or picking him up from nursery. If either of us is travelling, which is rarer these days than previously, then the other steps up. We're lucky that we both have understanding line managers/directors too, and I think that makes it a lot easier to juggle.
Best of luck with the promotion, my view is that if you are ad want to continue working full time then go for it, and if you're doing it, why wouldn't you want to progress and go for another promotion? You obviously enjoy it and are good at it.
Slight tangent, but I think finding out I'm having a girl this time has spurred me on even more to not only return to work after but to not just keep my career ticking over and to climb the ladder a bit more. It's like a feel a responsibility to be a role model and show he it is possible to have it all.
12/07/2013 at 18:15
I have a career - I work full time hours over 4 days and also work most evenings (inc at the weekend). Do I think you can have it all? Honestly, no. I think your work and home life gets comprised as a result. I think you have to find your own personal balance which works for you as a family and that includes working with your partner to find a solution as a team. My H works far fewer hours, earns less and has a job that is less all encompassing so picks up a lot of childcare duties. He has never complained about my hours unless it impacts my health/ wellbeing and then he'll say something.
I too love my job and so I had to find a way to let me be the mum I want to be and the professional I want to be. I hope it's working. You can only do the best you can.
Best of luck with your promotion.
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