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18/05/2014 at 11:56
Hubby and I rarely argue. It's generally an annual event. We had words last night because he wants me to give up breastfeeding. There's a thousand reasons but mostly it's that the D-MER means I'm in tears most feeds and can't enjoy feeding (I physically dread it), and secondly I worry such a lot about the feeding it's turning in to an obsession and I'm not properly enjoying having her here because every day is all about negative stuff and it's taking its toll on our family. Hubby supports me in everything and rarely expresses an opinion on what I do but he had tears in his eyes last night trying to convince me to stop because he knew I'd be heartbroken.
I'm not ready to give up (fail?!) yet but agreed to look in to mixed feeding and consider it.
Any advice on moving to mixed? What age did you do it? Pros? Cons?
18/05/2014 at 12:49
I went through a phase of not really enjoying freeding, but thankfully it passed.
Mix feeding isnt failing. My eldest was ff and ebm fed from birth and middle we introduced fornula at 6m, if just introducr a bottle inplace of one feed to start if thats the road you go dowm x
18/05/2014 at 13:32
I'm still bfing at 1 year but I honestly hated it at the start and I have vowed never to go through that again as I did miss out on fully enjoying my son and Breastfeeding isn't worth it. Combination feeding can work very well and it's a good balance I think. Like ck says I'd pick a bf to drop so your supply adjusts correctly.
18/05/2014 at 14:31
I don't know much about D-MER, is it something that goes away over time, or are you likely to feel this way long term? If the latter I think your husband is right, I'm pro bf, but if you're hating every feed and are crying every day it doesn't sound like it's a great idea to continue. As everyone has said, I'd move one feed at a time to start off with and see how you get on. Please don't feel like a failure if you decide to stop bf though, I know it's a huge cliche but the saying happy mum=happy baby is there for a reason.
18/05/2014 at 14:47
SG - I found a group of D-MER ladies on FB and some say it goes off over time, some have said 6 or 9 months, some say it never goes. I'm finding it's getting worse, or rather I'm less resilient as each week passes. I think hubby is seeing my state of mind worsen and thinks it could lead to PND and that scares him (and me).
Thanks ladies, I guess starting with one feed a day means I can revert back to full BF later if I chose, or move another feed to formula after a while. I know she'll take formula, she's had it 5 times already over the last couple of weeks, so that's a start, if we go that way.
Going to speak to a HV tomorrow, and might try and see the GP about meds for D-MER.
18/05/2014 at 16:00
We've given C formula at 10pm then during the night since day 10. I was exhausted and if we hadn't started mix feeding I'd have given up completely. It's been fine and takes the strain off me a bit. He's now sleeping from 8pm and waking once during the night so we are down to one ff and hopefully we will be able to drop that soon too.
Only you can decide if you are ready. Start by replacing one feed for about a week or so, then another, so you dont get engorged x
18/05/2014 at 18:05
18/05/2014 at 21:05
I mix fed S from 3 months, starting with a bottle before bed and working backwards so that I next dropped the feed before that and then the one before that etc. Eventually, I was only BFing him when he woke up and the rest of the day was formula.
I won't lie, it was hard! S was always a fussy feeder and once I got down to just two feeds a day, it was difficult to encourage him to stay latched on, he just preferred the bottle I think. I never felt as though I had a great supply even when he was exclusively breastfed so I felt it was particularly hard to maintain mix feeds but I'm glad I did it. I had huge difficulty with the emotional side of BFing and slowly stopping was the best way to manage my emotions as well as the physical side.
If you're really struggling emotionally then it might be an idea to perhaps drop a feed and see how you feel and take your time to adjust. If you change your mind, it shouldn't be too hard to re establish your supply.
Hugs to you though, I know how horrible it is to be in tears with every feed from emotions even though I didn't have d-mer xxx
19/05/2014 at 22:23
I mix fed R due to weight loss/poor weight gain, not the same as you but I was very very emotional. I felt like a failure that my milk could not help my baby thrive. In my head the world was against me breastfeeding, I just wanted to be left alone with my baby & succeed at bf. Dh & I also never argued until I started bf, he couldn't stand to see R not gain weight. We compromised on one expressed bottle for dh to give R when he got in from work, this is the only way she would let him hold her then a formula bottle at night & when we felt top ups were needed. I cried when she had bottles, I was not against the formula, I was mad at myself for not being able to help her grow. I now look back at this & see I needed to do what I did for R & my relationship with dh & his relationship with R. I was also obsessed with bf, to an extent I still am.
No one tells you the emotions that come with bf when its not going well. The only thing that kept me going was my love for bf R, if I didn't enjoy it I wouldn't have got through it & still be bf now with the occasional formula bottle. You have to do what is right for you, your baby & your family. Introducing formula is a very hard decision but it may help your bf journey or help you make the decision of switching to formula, if it is right for you.
19/05/2014 at 22:50
Sorry didn't give you any tips ... We used aptamil as it supposed to be the milk most similar to breast milk, not sure how true that is but it worked for R.
At first R started getting lazy with her latch, she was trying to suck on me like a bottle. I just had to keep removing her & getting her to re latch.
I pump every time R has a bottle to tell my body to still produce milk, although I have had a decrease in milk on evening/nighttime even with doing this as the pump isn't as effective as R. Good luck with whatever you choose hopeful docs/hv will have some good advice for you.
20/05/2014 at 22:45
I hope the GP is able to help. We had major feeding issues to begin with - I was desperate to ebf and super stubborn too, so we tried things that a lot of people probably wouldn't have bothered with (and I don't blame them, it was heavy going at the time and I was lucky to have a lot of support around me) - fortunately by 6 weeks we were home free and it's been fab since. It helped me to have 6 weeks in my head (I don't know why - perhaps to get through the notorious newborn phase?) as a goal to re-evaluate, and to take it 1 day at a time until then. Suddenly we were at 6 weeks and everything was so much better. Maybe it would help you to have a time frame in mind, then if things are still dreadful at that point you'll know you've tried your best, and not made any snap decisions?
I think seeking support for the D-MER is really valuable, but there is absolutely no shame in mix feeding at all. Am I right in thinking you're going back to work very soon anyway? Perhaps it would work out easier anyway, as she will have to have bottles while you're at work, so maybe she could have formula during your normal working hours and breast feed evening / overnight / first thing in the morning? The added advantage there is that your supply will adjust accordingly and won't make much milk during the day, so you won't have to express at work (for A or for the sore boobs!)
21/05/2014 at 08:35
21/05/2014 at 08:38
21/05/2014 at 09:18
I haven't read any replies so apologies for that. I mixed fed my daughter for nearly 10 months.
I just replaced about 3 of the BF with formula feeds. We used cow and gate and avent bottles for no better reason than those were the ones we saw in the shop.
We had worries about weight gain and her failure to get back to her birth weight (by 5 weeks old I think).
I found my supply adjusted to the number of feeds that I was doing. At the most she was having three formula feeds - roughly one in the morning one in the afternoon and one before bed time. She was a very easy feeder and didn't seem bothered by the difference or become resistant to the BF. H did the first few feeds with the bottle so the she wouldn't be looking for it from me.
If it takes the pressure off you a bit then why not give it a go. We all know that BF is the best but we also know that sometimes it doesn't work out for you both. For me, I think that being able to switch did mean that I kept going for longer than I'd thought I would. (And I went into it with no expectations that I would do it).
25/05/2014 at 11:22
Thanks so much to everyone who replied. It really helped to normalise how I was feeling and to see how/why others did what they did.
Agnes was having one bottle on the mornings I went to work, so either 2 or 3 times a week, so on the HV advice we've extended that to every morning. Then, because evenings were what was stressing me out the most due to the D-MER and the physical demands, and leaving me convinced I couldn't satisfy her, we give her a slightly smaller bottle once per evening. So we feed as normal, on demand (often cluster feeding) but one is a bottle. I make sure I do the last feed, overnight feed(s) and morning feed. Two formula bottles a day.
I'm sooo much happier. I realise now that it was putting distance between myself and baby. That sounds terrible but at times I subconsciously didn't really want to be around her as I felt like such a failure and I was letting her down. Sometimes I'd find myself busy elsewhere in the house knowing I needed to be cracking on with a feed really. It sounds awful! But I think that's what hubby was picking up on and wanted to nip it in the bud.
My hours increase soon and there will have to be at least one full day in the office, or mornings longer than just 4 hours so we'll rethink our routine then but hopefully we can find a good mix feeding solution as I definitely don't want to lose the bf-ing altogether.
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