Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
29/05/2013 at 10:38
Even before I was pregnant, I said I wanted a surprise. H initially assumed we'd find out, but then quickly changed his mind and agreed with me that it would be great to have a surprise, especially as we already had to have genetic tests and so on so feel like we know more than normal about our baby.
However, I've had increasingly strong feelings that it's a girl. We genuinely have no preference at all as to gender, we just want a healthy baby, but I am starting to worry that I will continue to be sure it's a girl and then if it's not, it'll come as a bit of a shock. So I'm now wondering if we should find out! We've told our friends and family we won't be finding out, and both families in particular are keen that it stays a surprise, so if we DO find out, we'll be attempting to keep it a secret!
If you did choose to find out, did you tell people? Why / why not?
If you didn't find out, what were your reasons? Did you have an inkling as to gender, and if you got the other flavour, was it a shock?
I'm worried I'll not being able to help myself but look for evidence of gender on the scan, but obviously I don't know what I'm looking at really so I might think I 'know' and convince myself even more and be wrong!
Added complication is the H can't come with me to the scan due to work, so I'll be on my own with noone to control me
29/05/2013 at 10:43
We didn't with C because we wanted the surprise to be kept until the birth - I had considered finding out and just the two of us knowing, but MrDD kept saying I wouldn't be able to keep it to myself.
I always said C would be a boy, and I was right, but that was possibly me just convincing and preparing myself since I really wanted a girl - although when it came to it, it really didn't matter as he's the best little boy I could have had despite all his crying and tantrums!
I'm not sure if we have a second, it would be useful to know so that if it is a girl we can clear out all C's old clothes etc before they arrived.
29/05/2013 at 10:46
I found out.
With C, I didn't find out I was pg until 16 weeks, so wanted as much info as possible from my scans. I'm glad I found out, as it helped me connect to my surprise pregnancy, especially when he came 13 weeks early. My Mum was in the waiting room, so we told her. If people asked, I told them. I had C before the days of FB, so there was no big announcement (shocking!!!)
I found out with J, as I was desperate for another boy. If it was a girl, I figured i'd need time to get my head around that. Plus, i'm really not a patient person. I put it on FB that I was having a boy.
It's still a surprise. Just 20 weeks earlier than if you had waited...
29/05/2013 at 10:52
I had the surprise at birth with O and found out with L at the 20 week scan. I think we found out because we could and enabled us to get some girl bits ready for L's arrival. I think when we have #3, we're going for the surprise again as I'll consider it my last pregnancy and would like it that way.
29/05/2013 at 10:57
We found out. I'm far too impatient not to. The idea of having a baby moving and kicking me but referring to it as "it" rather than knowing if it is your son or daughter is strange to me. I can't understand why you wouldn't want to know that about your child.
It's our 20 week scan tomorrow and we have no idea of the sex, so when they tell us at the scan it will be a surprise. if we can't find out the sex tomorrow I would pay for a private scan. I am extremely impatient!!
The way I see it, if my birthday was on 25th December, I'd rather have my birthday presents on a different day to stagger them. Why get the gender surprise on the same day you meet your baby when you can have that surprise and excitement on a separate day.
But each to their own, I'm sure lots of people who don't want to know find it strange why you would want to find out.
29/05/2013 at 11:04
29/05/2013 at 11:06
We found out. We'd lost two prior to falling pregnant with E and I just had this need to know everything about the baby. It also helped us to really believe that she was real and was going to come home with us. After finding out I did feel much more bonded to her so it was definitely the right thing for us to do. We did tell people her gender, though mostly kept her name under wraps so we would still have something special to announce.
29/05/2013 at 11:09
We have not found out the sex. There are so few surprises in life nowadays that we thought why find out! I know that it sounds like a cliche but I am honestly of the view that it doesn't matter, what is more important to me is that baby is healthy. It has been quite fun speculating on what sex the baby is. At first I was convinced that it was a girl but I have then started to change my mind and keep going back and forth. Only time will tell I suppose! I don't feel that by not finding out I have bonded any less with my bump.
I thought that we were in the minority not finding out but all of pregnant friends have chosen to do the same and out of the 7 couples in our NCT class, only 4 know.
Sorry, that should read that only 3 know, not 4
29/05/2013 at 11:10
Our scan is a week today and we will be finding out. I always thought I wouldn't but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I wanted to know as much as I could asap! If people ask then we will tell them but I don't really understand keeping it a surprise for other people. I'm not on FB so nothing will be announced on there.
I like what Abnormal Kitty said, it is a surprise just earlier than when the baby is born!
29/05/2013 at 11:11
We are planning on having a surprise!
I suppose if you tell every one that you are not going to find out and then you let slip by refering to "Him or Her" you can just say that that is what slips out when you are refering to them. If people don't know you have found out, they wouldnt get suspicious!
29/05/2013 at 11:17
Well i had always been so determined that we weren't going to find out and H had always been adament that we were. I was sure that i was going to keep my foot down on this one. However, the day of the scan is H's birthday and i just think it would be a really nice birthday surprise if i let him find out. Plus im starting to come round to the idea myself. I don't think we would be very good at keeping it from others especially as i cant seem to keep a secret (big gob).
I understand what you mean about not being able to control yourself and look for clues in the scan. Do you think maybe theres a small part of you that does actually want to find out? I'd say go for it. Especially if you arent bothered what you have either way.
29/05/2013 at 11:19
I want to know, OH is prepared to wait until D-day. I am tempted to go for a private scan! The hospital I go to has big signs up saying the 20week scan is NOT a sexing scan. Work colleague hasn't found out.
I am having strong boy feelings - but I would love a little girl (obviously though we'll be ecstatic either way) and would just like to KNOW!
29/05/2013 at 11:24
We said we wouldn't find out from the off, I sort of have a sweet idea of H telling me the sex once baby is here. However, when the sonographer told me to look away during the scan of baby's nether regions last week I did peek. H has since shamed me for this. I now think it's a girl but obviously not being qualified to diagnose these things I'm keeping an open mind!
I hate surprises so am not sure why I agreed not to find out in the first place!
On a practical note, I am a bit frustrated looking for baby clothes when everything is grey or beige. It's a bit uninspiring and I find myself longingly looking at boy and girl specific stuff just to add a little variation to their first wardrobe!
29/05/2013 at 11:25
We only found out with L at 32 weeks when I had an additional growth scan - up to that point I had been convinced that I was having a boy!! I liked that i found out later on in the pregnancy but if i hadn't had that extra scan then I wouldnt have known.
This time i always knew that we were going to find out, mainly to prepare L as to what she was getting - a brother or a sister. The day before our 20 week scan, i had all these overwhelming feelings, from no where, that i was having a girl. Turns out we are having a boy - so what the hell do i know!
I havent told everyone, unless I am asked, then I will tell people. close friends and family know its a boy but other than that, no one does and not everyone knows what date i am having a section either.
29/05/2013 at 11:50
Mrs Bass, we already sometimes slip up saying him / her, so nobody would be suspicious I don't think! H is worried that if we find out, we'll subconsciously buy stuff for that gender - I don't think we will, because we've inherited several boxes of boy clothes from my sister, and so if it's a girl we might buy a few more things BUT I'm not into girly / frilly / pink / sparkly stuff anyway so I think we'd jut stock up on the unisex. Even with my girl feelings, we've bought a winter coat with tractors all over it - poor thing is going to be dressed as / mistaken for a boy regardless!
Popcorn, we've shopped unisex so far (if tractors also count as unisex!) and Sainsbury's was good for lots of bright and bold colours, but not totally gender-specific.
I'm not a patient person so the idea of waiting another 20 weeks is unappealing - I like AK's idea that it's still a surprise, just an earlier one!
I think part of our determination not to find out the sex came alongside our genetic testing - a girl with the genetic condition just have a small chance of not having symptoms, whereas a boy will definitely have symptoms, so we'd already said if the results said the foetus had the genetic condition then we'd terminate regardless, and didn't want to know the sex in case it was a girl and we might always wonder whether she 'might' be asymptomatic or now. Now we know it's fine, I think my mind has changed slightly.
29/05/2013 at 11:58
Yes we have found out all 3 times and will do again. I do laugh at those wanting a surprise, I had a fantastic surprise just it was in the scan room.
After L was born I was unconscious and he was poorly so I'm glad we knew so early, William died so it obviously meant we could know absolutely everything about him as we would only have him such a short time, Isaac I had to know, after having lost William I needed to know what was ahead iyswim.
I think its lovely knowing, knowing that you are having one gender and the baby feeling like a person iyswim
Also there's do much to find out about your baby when they are born,its just the beginning iyswim
29/05/2013 at 11:59
Yes we found out both times. I get very strong pictures in my head and find it quite hard to cope when things change, even if it is for the better (H always says if he told me he was taking me to McDonalds for lunch adn then whisked me off to Paris I would be grumpy). On this basis I didn't want to wait as I did have a strong feeling early on both times and was worried how I would react.
I also need to plan, I am a control freak, and living with that not knowing would have driven me mad.
It's still a surprise, just 20 weeks earlier.
29/05/2013 at 12:03
First time we found out but kept it to ourselves, didn't even tell Hitched! Not finding out wasn't an option for us, I was more 50/50 whether to but on the morning of the scan decided I did want to know. I also felt that as H doesn't get to make many decisions re baby at that time I'd let him have that one as he felt stronger about it than I did. I did have a slight preference for a boy, but only a little.
I must admit I found keeping it a secret really hard, I felt like I was lying to everyone, then telling more lies to cover up my lies. I don't know if we'd have said that we do know but aren't telling anyone would have been easier than pretending we don't know.
This time I had a really strong preference for a boy and needed to know. She is a girl and I'm glad I found out when we did and a month on I am still getting used to the fact, and to be blunt grieving for the brother A will never have. We've told people, but only as I've seen them, no big fb announcement, although I have referred to baby as she on there. It has taken a bit of the shine off, and I wish I didn't have a preference sonI could experience that moment at the birth. I'm not sure how I would have reacted at that time, with all those hormones!, if we'd waited.
If you have no preference, I'd not find out.
Re spotting things at the scan, you'll be very unlikely to see anything by accident.
29/05/2013 at 12:12
As your H won't be with you at the scan, could you ask the sonographer to write it on a piece of paper and then pop it in an envelope so you can open it together. We actually paid for a private gender scan before the 20 week scan, it wasn't specifically to find out the gender but it meant that H could definitely be there (he works away mon - fri and by being private we could book a sat) and it also seemed a more suitable environment for Zoe to come along to. It was nice as we all found out together.
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