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04/05/2013 at 11:09
N is so laid back and really chilled. We've been very lucky that he's not one to tantrum, he doesn't run off and is generally so laid back he's horizontal. But occasionally he does get a bee in his bonnet about something, usually because he can't communicate what he wants.
The world just ended because N wanted to unpack our Sainsbuggers shopping. I was feeding baby and H was ignoring N who was saying he wanted to help "help, help daddy". I told H to let N take the bits out of the bags and to just tell him where to put them as I could tell a storm was brewing. H didn't listen and just didn't understand what N was trying to communicate and the situation escalated to N sobbing and H calling him a brat. Yes I was raging.
The shopping was all over the floor where H had ignored N and taken it all out of the bags but inexplicably not actually put anything away and N was sobbing.
I put baby (now asleep) down, went into the kitchen, got N to stand up, gave him a hug and at his level I asked him what he wanted. "Food away mummy". Easy. I asked him if he wanted me to pass him things to put away and he said "Please mummy". Situation sorted in about 20 seconds. Shopping all away.
H is now in a strop because "N never listens to him" but in fact the issue is H not listening to N.
Is this because I just know N better as spend so much more time with him? H's fuse is quite short but it was clear he wasn't listening or even communicating with N.
Do your H's "understand" your toddlers??
04/05/2013 at 11:19
My H does a lot of the time, but we have had similar situations where I can completely understand what C wants to do but MrDD doesn't - when he gets into a bit moany he isn't the easiest to understand. Sometimes it's just that MrDD doesn't want to do what C is asking even though I know it is just the easiest option to let him do it to save having a full blown tantrum! Fortunately MrDD doesn't go into a strop, he's pretty horizontal and rarely gets worked up about anything (unlike me!)
04/05/2013 at 11:55
Most of the time he does but N is a hard one because he is highly strung and is very impatient, he can get funny about a lot and those things can change week to week so we always have to tread a little carefully and let him do things like in your example - put the shopping away, press buttons in lifts, open car doors etc. Sometimes though H forgets or doesn't know his latest 'thing' and I feel like I have three children because I'm barking at H to let N do something at the same time asking N to communicate properly and ask nicely not just throw himself on the floor because we haven't answered him straightaway. I'm the one with the short fuse in our relationship so for this reason I understand N a lot of the time but we also clash when I've run out of patience!
04/05/2013 at 15:42
This used to happen to us too, H never got stoppy, he just felt sad that I understood our daughter and he didn't. I do think the time I spend with her is the reason for it. It happens on the odd occasion now- E mumbles when she is tired but H never seems to hear/understand her. I guess I'm more tuned in.
Poor N, it does get easier though as speech improves xx
04/05/2013 at 18:05
Sounds very much like our house. Most of the time H gets her but there's just been a meltdown in the kitchen as D wanted a pepper cut in half and put on a plate. She then chops the rest but H has chopped it up. so cue D having a fit and chucking it all over the floor.
I wish she was a bit more laid back but things have always got to be just so x
04/05/2013 at 20:13
Same as everyone else really, most of the time he gets him but there is tge odd thi.g that results in a tantrum. It's usually cos I've told H that J likes to do something new and H isn't rlistening so it really annoys me.
04/05/2013 at 20:27
Probably role reversal in our house. L had much more patience with M at that age. I got annoyed that she didn't use her words.
Silly Mr Hep though. Unpacking the food shop is a highlight for M. She lives it and we enjoy talking about what everything is, their shapes and colours etc.
04/05/2013 at 20:49
He's pretty good, the issue I have is that he deals with things differently.
I tend to try to calm a situation down before it escalates, H stands his ground more and doesn't comfort A to calm him down when he can. I don't think H is wrong per se, and IMO it's not such a bad things for children to learn that parents and others deal with things differently.
I understand more of A's words than H, but there are some he works out that I can't.
It's hard when he deals with something differently to me, especially when A gets upset but it's important for him to find his own way, I tend to bite my tongue a lot.
04/05/2013 at 21:24
I think H just gets frustrated that he doesn't understand as I can interpret N better. His language is coming on keeps and bounds but until he can speak a full sentence I think it's just going to be how it is.
H and I have talked about it and I've explained how I manage different situations compared to how H digs his heels in etc.
I think H needed it pointed out to him how his tolerance was low as he couldn't see it happening.
It's so rare that N has a moment like today that I think it really threw H. But it also made H realise that N is more independent than he sometimes seems and that he can communicate, but that H just needs to interact more, so at least some good came of it!!
04/05/2013 at 22:56
Glad it wasn't all for nothing, I'm sure the combination of N getting older and H tuning into him means they'll understand each other just like you and N do soon. I guess these little people change so quickly that you can think they're still at one stage when they've already progressed.
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