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20/01/2014 at 13:16
Hi, I'm sorry to dump on you all bit I didn't know where else to turn. I'm feeling really low today and can't stop crying. I feel like in failing as a mother. I met with another mum today who has a little one with reflux as I thought talking to someone going through it but it didn't help at all. She seeme so together and I on the other hand was just a mess. I'd got A screaming if I didn't hold her which meant I could hardly give E any of my time. I felt guilty if I held A as I felt like I was neglecting E and bad if I tried to play with E as A just screamed. I feel like I just don't want to go anywhere or speak to anyone as its just too hard and they don't understand. Even my H didn't understand - he goes to work and has adult conversation and a lunch break. I spend my day being sicked on and listening to one if not both of my girls screaming. E is having horrendous temper tantrums at the moment and I'm sure it's to get my attention but A is just so demanding and screams if anyone else holds her or if I put her down. I just don't know what to do for the best - I'm just so rubbish at this. no need to reply - I just needed to get it out.
20/01/2014 at 13:24
I can only offer hugs and tell you that I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job even though it might not feel like it. I bet that other mum has her moments too, we can all smile and say how fantasticly easy it is to be a mum! Xxxxxx
20/01/2014 at 13:26
Hang on in there xxxxx
20/01/2014 at 13:35
Oh lovely, it will get better
With regards ot the other mum you meet, please don't judge yourself by any other parent, we are unique as our children and what you think makes you a mess she may see as you being strong and coping.
A few suggestions - have you tried a sling? what other things have you tried with A with regards to dealing with reflux? with regards to E, how old are they? could you start a reward chart of sorts for behaviour with a reward at the end of the week, just to help you get through the week and general day to day rubbishness of Reflux?
20/01/2014 at 13:36
You are ABSOLUTELY NOT failing as a mum firstly. You are doing a terrific job! I've barely held it together and I only have one baby so to go through what you're going through with a toddler as well is no mean feat. I've had days where I've not wanted to leave the house and believe me, it's the worst thing you can do. Go to a playgroup or something and I guarantee you someone will hold your baby while you have a cup of tea. They won't care that she's screaming I promise.
I also promise you that the other reflux mum you spoke to either doesn't really have it together and is fibbing to make herself feel better or she just doesn't have it as tough as you.
Is there anyone that can help you out at all? Even just for an hour? Can your H take a few days annual leave? You desperately need a break *hugs*
20/01/2014 at 13:41
Sorry just re-read my post, wanted to add that you are doing a fantastic job as a mum, coping with one child is hard enough! I just didn't want to teach you "how to suck eggs" if you had already tried all the reflux type tips x
20/01/2014 at 13:55
Mamad I feel EXACTLY the same right now. Literally word for word I agree with what you're saying.
I feel like I'm just existing at the moment. Every day is a challenge and I hate it because I am wishing my children's early years away. I know in 12 months time they will be playing together and it will all be worth it but for now it's a nightmare.
I have no advice as I am also struggling but wanted to let you know you're not alone.
I feel like the worst mum ever at the moment, I'm not giving either girl the attention they deserve and I hate myself for it. My HV described it well when she said it's like doing shift work, you just get by every day until you can go to bed but you know you won't even get a proper rest then!!
I will be watching this thread for some magical solutions but I know none exist! I feel awful for it but Disney films are my saviour at the moment as W is always happy to watch them and it keeps her entertained for a while!
20/01/2014 at 14:03
God I feel like that some days and I only have one and he doesn't have reflux - you cope with a tiny age gap too! I take A to toddler group sometimes and enviously watch the other babies/toddlers play happily while A and I sit in the corner because he won't leave my lap.
I don't have any practical advice but wanted to say hang in there. You are doing fantastically to have even got out of the house with all that on your plate! Make your H take a couple of days off and look after the girls while you have a break. You sound like you need one. Or is there anyone else? Don't feel too proud or embarrassed to take up any favours.
Good luck xxx
20/01/2014 at 16:22
Oh mamaD your not failing, the fact your trying to get out and about shows your a wonderful caring mum! From what I've learnt recently don't compare yourself to other mums- some people like to put on a show that they are wonderful! I have no advice re reflux but I know it's tough work- I second nina beanie I don't know what you've already tried but do you sling etc? Do you have anyone that could help in the day, are you local to any MD's for support? Do you take any time for yourself once your H is home, I run regularly and think I would go mad without that hour out (and I have 1 well baby!). Keep talking to us but if you need a cry have one, you'll feel better to get it all out.
20/01/2014 at 20:01
Thank you all for your lovely replies and once again, sorry for the woe is me post. After I wrote it I realised it was blue Monday which might explain a lot! I have a coneccta which I do use for A but at the back of my mind there's a voice still niggling saying its not resolving the problem. I don't know what the answer is! I think I need a kick up the backside - there's mums with babies much more ill than mine and I bet they don't moan half as much! I wish you all lived near me so we could all meet for coffee and cake - you're all so lovely! x
20/01/2014 at 20:03
Ps - jellytot, so sorry you're feeling this way too. Hope you're ok - sending big hugs x
21/01/2014 at 04:48
I hope your feeling even slightly better. I take my hat off to you lovey as I'm getting stressed out and low dealing with one baby with reflux let alone having a toddler on top of that so you should be mega proud of yourself xx
22/01/2014 at 17:30
How are you feeling today mamad? Hope you're a bit better x
22/01/2014 at 19:34
Whereabouts are you mamaD? I'm sure there will be done md-ers that live near you x
22/01/2014 at 20:15
Thank you both for thinking of me. I'm still feeling pretty crappy - I just feel like I can't do anything right! I'm in the Midlands if anyone wants to slap me and tell me to snap out of it! JT, how are you feeling now as you were feeling rubbishy the other day too? P, hope S is still doing well on the renetadine
22/01/2014 at 20:20
Wednesday is a good day for me as W goes to nursery so I just have B. It's so much easier and I can actually enjoy B. I went out for a walk with her in the pram and it was lovely not having to drag a toddler along.
I'm in the north west so nowhere near you unfortunately. Keep posting though. And Keep getting out to groups if you can . Just avoid the mums who make out everything is perfect- they're lying!!
22/01/2014 at 20:27
Glad to hear you've had a better day x
22/01/2014 at 22:07
Firstly, you are not a crap mum. I am willing to bet that the mum you met has days just like you do. It's easy to look in at another persons life, and see it as the perfect life. Believe me, i've been there. But we all have days like you have, especially when you have a baby and a toddler. My early days with 2 were horrible. I saw my life as an existence. My H got really poorly too (he had pneumonia), so I had a tough time.
Can you go to any SureStart groups? I used to love a baby massage class I used to attend. We were all much more open and truthful there!
I used to do a lot of arts and crafts with L when A was little. I'd stick A in the sling, or bouncy chair, and we'd do painting, playdoh, drawing etc. It meant that L got some attention from me that she so desperately craved. We also used to do a bit of cooking. She used to help to spoon the ingredients into the bowl, and stirring. She was only just 2 when A was born, but she loved to help and be a big girl.
But I look at my two playing now, and it's a great feeling, although dragging them both out of the Wacky Warehouse today whilst both screaming like some banshee children was not so great!
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