Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
30/09/2016 at 17:03
I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and recently I have been feeling really alone. I am married and my relationship with my husband has changed a lot.
He used to be really affectionate and touch me and kiss me a lot. Recently, I feel like I try so hard to be close to him and he's just not interested. I know I have gained weight during the pregnancy and he's told me before it's an issue (he said I need to consider how the way I looks makes him feel). I am worried he is going off me. I try not to eat too much to stop gaining weight but I don't want to hurt the baby and I think this is just the way I carry a child. I know every woman is different and some ladies hardly show at all but I seem to be all bump! Also, my legs and feet swell a lot due to pregnancy which is making me look bigger than I am.
I have tried to talk to my husband about this but whenever he feels like I am in the slightest way criticising him he gets defensive and tries to blame me. He says that he knows I touch him a lot and kiss him a lot but that I don't have healing or comforting hands so that when I touch him it doesn't feel good for him. He says the reason he doesn't kiss me or touch me anymore is because when I touch him it doesn't feel good. He says I don't massage him properly or scratch his back properly but I do try, I guess I'm just not good at it. Last night and this morning I was quite weepy because I'm feeling so down, when I tried to explain it to him he countered with the fact thay yesterday he had to go to his mother's house to get her to massage his shoulders because I don't do it properly so he knows how I feel... Throughout this whole pregnancy he has never once rubbed my shoulders or done anything like that so I really don't know how he can say he knows how I feel. At least I try to massage or comfort him!!
I am still working full-time and yet I do all the housework and laundry. I can't remember the last time he even made the bed (I come home at lunch to do it because I leave when he is still in bed in the mornings). I hear other women talk about how their husbands did everything when they were pregnant and it's just not like that at all for me. If I complain about something (sore joints, sore back, sore stomach, heartburn etc.) then he just replies that he suffers from the same thing all the time. I just want someone to care for me, even just for one day. I feel like I am going through this whole process alone. My husband already has a child from a previous relationship so he's really not as excited as me. He hasn't helped buy anything for the baby anything for the baby or nursery, I try to get him involved but he's completely indifferent. We don't even have a crib yet because he never wants to go shopping for one and I can't do it alone because it's too heavy for me to carry.
I am under so much stress with this pregnancy. I earn a lot more than my husband so I feel like I'm solely financially responsible for the house and bills and I plan on giving up work for a little bit after the baby is so I am trying to save a lot now so we can afford to go to one income for a while. I am currently trying to refinance house which is a lot of paperwork and effort and I can't even get him to read an email from our mortgage advisor. I just need some help with things or at the very least someone to talk to. I don't have many friends anymore as my husband doesn't really like me going out without him.
I have just been getting really down recently with everything. I'm not having a great pregnancy health wise and on top of that I am still working, doing 100% of house work and being responsible both financially and physically for managing the household (bills, mortgage etc.) My body is exhausted and I have no emotional support anymore because my husband is not interested. I sometimes think it would be easier if I was alone because then I'd only have to clean up after myself and be financially responsible for myself instead of him as well. I do love him a lot but I feel so rejected and under appreciated that I'm not sure it's a healthy love.
Sorry for massive rant, I just need to get it all out. If I tried to say half the things I just said to him, he'd completely lose it!
30/09/2016 at 19:53
Hi sweetie I didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry to say that your husband sounds like a control freak. He is not treating you how you should be treated. Its not for me to say what to do in your relationship but I know what I would do if treated like that. When baby comes you will need support and some help with the baby and keeping the house in order you shouldn't have to worry about picking up after him. It should be the other way round. I feel bad for you that you said he doesn't like you seeing your friends I just want to give you a hug. I have Seen a few of my friends in this situation and have always stud my ground and refused to be pushed away by a controlling man. Do you have any family you could turn to ? Or an old friend that would understand why you have distanced yourself from them. You need to stand up for yourself and do the things you want to do. I hope he isn't ever violent to you ? If he is you need to get out for your own sake and the sake of your baby. Sending lots of hugs to you xx
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