15/08/2013 at 10:58
I feel bad keeping being pregnant a secret. I spent years of my life keeping my work and home life so separate. I was almost obsessive about it. I was fighting hard for my career and things at home were sometimes horrendous, so it became self-preservation to never mix the two. So much easier to be vague or say nothing.
Now I've grown up a bit, I'm happy as a pig in ****, I'm much more comfortable with myself, more confident in my abilities, and pretty open about myself. For example, in years gone by I used to hide the fact I was going to slimming world because I felt embarrassed about being overweight, now I happily chat at work about fat club and sometimes even pop off for my weigh-in during the working day. I much prefer things this way.
It feels a bit weird keeping being pregnant from my team. There's 5 of them and they're all so lovely, 2 younger girls in particular. They're asking about the porridge pots I'm bringing in to work now, the headaches I seem to get all the time, I look upset/ill. They're so sweet. I feel a bit cheeky really, like a fraud, for not telling them.
I know it's for the best, particularly as I don't want my MD finding out. I've only been here 3 months and no way did I expect, at 37, to get pregnant first time. I just feel a bit rude because the people are so nice. Did anyone else feel bad not telling the people they work with every day?
15/08/2013 at 11:09
Err yes I do, especially now I've hit 12 weeks but I suspect it will be the worse kept secret when I eventually admit it!!
15/08/2013 at 11:12
Yes, i think it's natural when you are hiding something from people, especially people you get on with so well. I tried so hard to just void the truth rather than telling lies but sometimes it couldnt be helped.
Once you make the nnouncement, they will understand, or like im my situation, confess that they had their suspicions!!
I had a works night out quite early on so i told everyone I was on a detox to try and loose weight. i thought this would explain not drinking alchol and drinking decaff in the office. only problem was, they notice all the junk i was suddenly eating more of!! :-)
How much longer do you have untilt he 12 week scan?
15/08/2013 at 11:20
Glad I'm not the only one, my husband thinks it shouldn't bother me, it's a 'good secret' so don't need to feel bad. :)
Mrs Bass, I've ages yet, don't know the date of the scan, I'm only just over 6 weeks. Seems like 6 years. ; )
15/08/2013 at 11:46
In some ways it was a blessing I had hyperemesis this time as I had to tell my boss at 7 weeks! Consequently my small team found out too which was ok. I think people understand why you wouldn't tell early on. It's so hard though!
15/08/2013 at 11:50
no, but then again i dont work with nice people
15/08/2013 at 11:52
I waited until 16w to tell work to ensure it didn't affect my bonus or pay review. I felt awful, especially as I had to lie about why I couldn't go on a work ski trip and seriously delay recruiting a new member of my team as I knew we'd have to get someone senior in. I felt awful, especially about waiting the extra month after the 12w scan.
As it was everyone was really sweet and no-one really picked up on how late I'd left it.
I agree with your H, it's a good secret to keep!
You may find the girls have their suspicions but hopefully they won't call you on it!
15/08/2013 at 12:11
I was on Secondment in my job when I fell pregnant. I'd started at the end of June and I was pregnant by the September. I shared an office with 2 other girls, and the day I knew for sure, I went and spoke to my Line Manager because I didn't know where I stood with regards to mat leave etc. She was over the moon for me and then let it slip that she had plans to make me permenant in my job! I decided to tell the two girls in my office as I didn't know how I was going to cope with the first 12 weeks. i'm glad I did, because I was off sick on and off for 6 weeks and trying to explain that wasn't going to be easy...especially after me saying to them I had an amazing immune system, and that I never get sick! For everyone else, I enjoyed keeping it a secret until i'd got the all clear from my scan!
15/08/2013 at 13:12
No I didn't feel bad at all, I certainly wouldn't be telling at the very early stages, with Isaac I 'announced' at 20 odd weeks as in made a comment I was pregnant. People just don't need to know so early, someone recently announced at 5 weeks at work and everyone was a bit non plussed really, I'd never tell early purely because iv had losses before and its awful 'untelling' people, but also i think it makes it the longest pregnancy ever telling so early
15/08/2013 at 13:23
I told my MD at just over 7 weeks. I'm an awful liar and had 2 doctors appointments and a scan booked within 2 days because I had some early bleeding and pain on one side. I wasn't planning on telling anyone else but as I only work for a small company everyone knew within a few days.
The bit I am really annoyed about is that a couple of days before I confessed I was promised a pay rise, no figures were discussed but the impression was made that it was going to be at least a couple of grand. After I told them I kept getting fobbed off and it was about 4 months later that I was told the best they could do was £480. It was basically 'this is what we have sorted it will take affect from this months wage'. Basically saying there is no room for negotiation. Thinking selfishly I wish I would have held out as I think my salary would be looking a bit healthier if I had! It also means that I'm thinking twice about returning here after my mat leave.
I know it's difficult and I think a few people suspected before I told them anyway. I think everyone understands why you would wait and will just be happy for you whenever you decide to tell!
15/08/2013 at 13:35
I told after my scan first time round. Last time was just before my scan and as it was a mmc and I ended up off sick for three weeks they'd have found out anyway. On one hand they were great, told me to take as long as needed, but on the other hand I think they are now expecting me to announce I'm pregnant again at any time so projects and things are being given to others and I'm not being given anything new to do. I'll wait as long as I can this time I think and don't feel bad because it's none of their business yet! Don't get me wrong though I'd consider telling if they gave a big project to me that someone would have to take over halfway through but not sire for definite. Only my line manager and office manager knew last time though.
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