Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
26/12/2013 at 11:50
If you were able to have 2 babies, and you planned to stop at 2, what would be your:
a) shortest preferred gap between births;
b) ideal gap between births;
c) longest preferred gap between births;
26/12/2013 at 12:23
I have a 14 month age gap between my 2 - It wasn't planned! I'm hoping it will be better once they're a bit older and able to play with each other more but at the moment they are both in nappies, both supposed to be taking naps, (Neither like to sleep!) both teething and I'm finding it really hard.
26/12/2013 at 12:40
Wow. You must be TIRED!
26/12/2013 at 13:09
26/12/2013 at 13:11
26/12/2013 at 13:59
My shortest age gap would have been 2 years I think. Ideal would have been 2.5, longest - well that's a hard one, I'd say three years but as you know there'll be almost four between mine, that was due to a mc last year then took a while to conceive again. So I knew I wanted M to have a sibling, so the "longest" age gap grew as we got well passed the "acceptable" age gap point
For me, the age gap was about them not being too far apart in age so they would play together and hopefully be close to each other as they grow up, also wanting to do things at the same stages, e.g. my 9 yr old stepson likes the cinema, M won't sit thriugh a film, she likes softplay, he's too old for a lot of places, she likes parks/farms etc, he wants to go biking and play his Xbox. Etc etc.
Are you already thinking about the next one??
26/12/2013 at 14:25
26/12/2013 at 15:41
Are you already thinking about the next one??
It was agreed before we got engaged that we would go for 2 or more, but not stop at one. I've raised an only child for 17 years and it's been wonderful but was never my preference to only have the one. Had a miscarriage the week of Harry's first birthday then we never got in to a place where we considered having more, and we eventually divorced. I'm 37 and feel strongly that we need to be aware of my age for family planning. Nothing urgent or dramatic but it's there.
But mostly we were talking over dinner about the gaps we will have in the family (my side 17.5 yrs, sister's side 7.5 yrs) and the 5 years between my sis and I and I wondered about others' preferences :)
26/12/2013 at 19:28
I never wanted more than 1, but a loss made me want another, so my 7.5 year gap wasn't planned, per se.
7.5 years turned out to be an amazing age gap. C was at school, aware of what was happening, was old enough to help out etc.
My H's age was a factor, in us deciding on no more. He was 36 when J was born, and he decided he didn't want to be an "old dad", or to be bringing kids up for the rest of his life, as I would have wanted a big age gap again, if we were to TTC again. I wouldn't have wanted a small gap, as for me, it'd be important to spend as much quality 1 on 1 time with my kids, and having a toddler aswell as a baby would have made that difficult.
26/12/2013 at 20:54
My shortest gap was 2 years, and the longest would have been 3 years I think. I think 2.5 years wold have been ideal, but I had the fear that it would take ages to conceive and I'm getting on a little bit and have pcos, so wanted to get on the babymaking sooner rather than later. I'm getting a smidge under 24 months and I think it'd have been easier if I'd have left it a little bit longer as J is still really needy, but overall I'm ecstatic to be pregnant again, and hopefully they'll get on well and be able to play well together as they're so close in age.
26/12/2013 at 21:22
Shortest 18 months, longest 2.5 or thereabouts. Always wanted a small gap, wanted to still be young when having the youngest child and do it all at once. I want to go after a career after having my babies, but didn't want to leave a young baby too soon, so maybe when the youngest is about 2 years old or so (maybe 3 yrs) I'll feel better about putting them into full time childcare. Therefore didn't want a big gap as it'd make me even older IYSWIM. I also thought that if I got my full nights' sleep back and a more independent child, I wouldn't want to give it up again and have another baby and "start again" as it were. Ditto with the breastfeeding, I would like to BF A until 2yrs and this way I can tandem feed for a bit and have shorter overall time with a baby attached to my boob!
I realise having a small gap will be hard (it'll be 19 months) but we're both still young (baby due day after my 26th birthday) and energetic and very excited. I don't think we really expected to catch so quickly again as I'm still breastfeeding a lot, maybe the 'ideal' gap for us would be 20-24 months so we started TTC at the point where we would be happy with the gap IYSWIM and happened to fall pregnant first month.
26/12/2013 at 21:55
3-4 years. I have 3 years between F&T and 4 years between T&R and they've both been great. I wouldn't want any smaller or any bigger really.
26/12/2013 at 23:27
Personally i wanted a 12mth ish age gap. The friends I had growing up with a small gap like that got on brilliantly with their sibling. I categorically did not want a 3 yr gap, as that was the gap between my sister and I and we have never ever got on, I'm sure personality probably had more to do with it than age gap but that was what was in my head. I didn't really want more than 3 yrs tbh but have ended up with a 4.5 yr gap and it seems so far to be working out really well. Zoe is very very independent, and also started school 6 weeks after Orla was born, which helped a lot too.
27/12/2013 at 06:45
We will probably wait until W is nearer 3 before we try again, but that is for practical reasons. I'd have liked a smaller gap for the same reasons as others have said regarding sibling's being close. But I also want to spend as much time 1 on 1 with W while I can.
27/12/2013 at 07:47
We wanted 2 and also wanted an 18 month gap, we were luckly and have a 19 month gap. It has been hard work at times but I guess whatever age gap you have it's not going to be always easy. I love having the gap we have, the boys get on so well, really loving to each other and play well together too
27/12/2013 at 08:32
This is really interesting, thanks! A couple of people have made points that echo my own thoughts (keep the 'baby pain' close together, siblings of a similar age playing/growing up together), but I also think I am carrying some sibling baggage as it seems other families do really well with a 4-5 yr gap and I feel as though my sis and I were practically different generations as we were never anywhere near the same stage at the same time, but that's partially (mostly?) personality stuff to be fair.
27/12/2013 at 09:12
There's 18 months between me and my brother and it's only been over the last couple of years that we've been able to get along! We fought a lot growing up and looking back I feel really sorry for my mum. But we were happy to play together on holiday etc, and when we we did things at weekends we were quite happy to do the same things, there wasn't a problem with one of us being bored because it was too childish etc. I think ideally I'd like about a 3 year gap...I'm only 29 and so is H so hopefully time is on our side.
27/12/2013 at 16:48
I wanted between 2-3 year gap but it looks like it might take longer than this to conceive number 2 so it's just a case of seeing how long the gap nature gives
27/12/2013 at 19:56
We always said 3yrs...until I got ridiculously broody! A factor in ours was H is 37 next year and he didn't want to be too old a Dad (from his own experiences with his Dad being older). We were lucky in that number 2 only took 2 cycles of "seeing what happens" (we never opked/charted/temped etc) so we'll have a gap of 2yrs 4 months. O is more independent all the time now so I think it'll be a good gap...he'll be starting pre school around then too.
I think gender can play a big role in siblings getting along with certain gaps too
27/12/2013 at 22:20
It varies so much between families. There is 4.5 years between me and my sister and we didnt get on at all growing up, I always felt it was our age gap and have always been adamant I didnt want as big a gap. We get on now (mostly!) But it was only when I mived out to go to uni that we became able to get on.
Continues below ad
Nice to see you! Please do nose around, sign up and join in.