Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
24/06/2013 at 12:09
I feel really bad for saying this but I wanted to know if other women have felt the same. I am 16 weeks pregnant with my first child and had a scan at a private clinic yesterday and was told i'm having a girl and i'm completley gutted!!!! I broke down in the loo's after I left the scan!
I have always wanted a little boy and have pictured his little face since was a teenager.I have 3 brothers so have always got on well with boys,I feel likeI won't be able to relate to her at all.Im so upset I can't stop crying,I feel like everything I dreamed of has now been ruined.I don't know what to do!! it's so hard pretending to be excited around my friends and family when deep down I feel depressed. It's put me off ever having anymore children.
Has anyone else experienced this?
24/06/2013 at 15:06
I might be out of order here but I won't be getting my baby I longed for after a miscarriage in April so just think yourself lucky!!!!
24/06/2013 at 15:09
I agree - there are loads of women on here ttc and some who have conceived and are scared of losing their babies. Also women like carioke who have suffered a mc. You should (and in time will) feel grateful for what you have.
sorry for your loss carioke x
24/06/2013 at 15:50
I've read about this. I was convinced my first was a boy and really wanted a boy and we got a girl, and I love her more than anything in the world. I guess you had your mind set so hard on a boy that it'll just take somee time to get used to but as long as she is happy and healthy that's all that counts right? I think you will be surprised by how ur feelings change as you progress thru pregnancy especially when she's in ur arms for the first time. I really want a boy this time round but as long as its ok it doesn't matter to me x
24/06/2013 at 17:22
I had the opposite Peach - really wanted a girl but ended up with a little boy. Believe me - when you've had your little girl home for a couple of weeks you could never imagine her being a boy!
24/06/2013 at 21:40
It's not uncommon to have a secret preference, I think most people probably do, I would say your reaction is a little bit unusual though... saying that, pregnancy brings out many bizarre emotions! Congratulations though becoming a mum is the best feeling in the world and as soon as you see your little one gender will be irrelevant! Good luck
25/06/2013 at 09:00
People told me throughout my pregnancy with my eldest I looked like I was carrying a boy so much so that my DH & I almost started to believe we were most likely going to be bringing a boy home, only when I was in labour were we reminded it may be a girl & sure enough out SHE popped. My youngest we just knew would be another girl but both are very much wanted & loved even though friends comment on us not having what they call the 'perfect family' with one child of each gender.
Ironically my sister does have this 'perfect family' set up with one daughter & one son but she always saw herself with two daughters (the same as we were). It can sometimes fall into our heads that our own childhood should follow for our children (we have the same number our parents had & the same genders...) but real life has other ideas.
You may feel disappointed now but you will quickly warm to your little girl once you hold her in your arms & who knows that you won't have a little boy further down the line?...Best wishes. X
25/06/2013 at 10:25
And this is why I think gender scans are a bad idea!
25/06/2013 at 12:22
Thanks for all your comments ladies, I feel a little better knowing others have experienced the same thing and hope by the time the baby is born i'll be over this "Funk" im in at the moment. I know it may sound like im ungrateful to some people but im just speaking from the heart.
25/06/2013 at 22:55
with my first I really wanted a girl, in my heart I'd always wanted a daughter first and I knew that if I had a gender scan and found I was carrying a boy, I'd have been as upset as you are now. Very few people understood my fears but in my head it was totally normaldidn't just didn't want a son first and I felt terrible for feeling that way. I decided that after 40 wks pregnancy and then childbirth, if I was handed a son i'd just be relieved the baby was fine. Luckily for me I had the daughter I longed for.
don't feel guilty, take a few days to get used to the idea then enjoy shopping for your luckily, healthy daughter. xx
26/06/2013 at 16:22
You feel how you feel Hun , I have had gender disappointment and miscarriages I once voiced my upset about it on an Internet forum and got absolutely savaged for being ungrateful and how dare I post that cos some ppl find it difficult to conceive . It threw me into depression the bullying I got . everyone is different that's why we are all amazing i personally sacrificed a huge amount of my youth and started a family young whilst my friends were partying and getting on the career ladder i was working and raising kids I wouldn't say either was better but out of ten friends who put off motherhood until mid thirties 8 had problems conceiving - lifestyle choices ? I don't know I am not a doctor however if you feel bad about your babies sex feel your feelings embrace it I know when you see her you will love her just the same. I have four children and know how lucky I am however it's not my fault or yours when other ppl have problems . I have friends with downs babies friends who have lost infants at birth friends who had to give up on their dreams of being a mother friends who have had recurrent mc/s but it doesn't give anyone the right to critiscise you for how you feel gender disappointment is real but you do get over it - my friend has 5 beautiful daughters And they are divine ! Chin up and lots of love xxxxx
27/06/2013 at 19:19
Don't feel bad for the way you are feeling. You are here for support and advice, just like those who have had miscarriages have the right to their own support.
I honestly wanted a girl this pregnancy. I imagined having a pink room and could only think of girls names. We had a gender scan privately the day before we went on holiday and we found out we were having another boy. I was gutted. The next day i was sobbing on the bed about to fly to st Tropez! Don't think you can get anymore ungrateful to those that want to vent their frustrations/aggression. But that is how i felt. I am now coming round and accepting it and think I'm going to have a chat with the midwife about it as i know it can be a antenatal depression trigger.
Keep speaking about it, its a real issue, just as any other with pregnancy so don't be ashamed or feel guilty. I think that having the early scan will at least give you time to adjust mentally and prepare for your daughter. Good luck xx
06/07/2013 at 23:33
I'm a believer that having the gender scan can be a positive thing for somebody who has their heart set on a particular gender. Because you find out half way through your pregnancy you have a good few months to get used to the idea.
I think that the initial disappointment will be completely replaced with love and adoration the moment that you have your baby in your arms regardless though.
I was convinced that my first would be a boy, to the point that I thought that was what I wanted - and we couldn't find out during the pregnancy - but when my baby girl was placed in my arms, the only thing I cared about was that she was here and healthy.
With my 2nd, I was once again convinced that it would be a boy, found out at the scan we were having another girl and was over the moon.
My third was a little boy, we were absolutely delighted to finally get a son - but I love my girls to the ends of the earth and beyond and would not change them for anything!!
Funnily enough, now I would prefer to have another girl - mostly as I have found my daughters easier overall - after all the wishing for a boy I was blessed with a very energetic boisterous little boy!!
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy - hope you feel better about it soon x
07/07/2013 at 07:41
We all have a preference but just be glad that you're getting a baby. You'll love her the moment you see her Im sure.
07/07/2013 at 17:33
I always pictured myself with two daughters and 1 son, then I met DH and he has 8 boys no daughters. Fast forward 5 years and I have two very beautiful boys, I long for a daughter very bad. Found out this past weekend that I am pregnant again! Calculations suggest about 9 weeks along, will find outtomorrow, I've had a niggling feeling I am carrying twins :0 hope I can even the playing field though I will be over the moon knowing the baby is healthy
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