Oh Tufty, my gosh you have had a rough ride, and I wish I could say with full certainty that this time everything will be just fine. Lots of hugs and good wishes to you. Just try to take each day, each hour as it comes, and honestly don't wind yourself up about trying to not get attached. It's prectically impossible to feel differently than however you do. So if you feel overwhelmed with love and anxiety let your self know that is okay. While hard on you, I can't imagine a better feeling for a tiny baby then to know just how very wanted they are. Take care of yourself, give your self lots of treats and keep us updated. Best wishes