Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
23/11/2013 at 19:32
Hi ladies, I'm a regular hitcher and me and the h have decided we want to start ttc the middle of next year but I was after some advice please.
Basically my maternity package at work is the basic 90% for 6 weeks then statutory pay after that. I have no idea if this is negotiable or not but if I wanted to ask the question should I ask before I'm pregnant? I was lurking the other week and saw the thread with counter asking the same question and was surprised at the number of people who said she had lost her bargaining power by asking after she got pregnant. Why would this be the case? I don't particularly want my work to know when we start trying as I work in a very male dominated industry and fear if redundancies were being made me as the youngest in the team potentially going off on maternity leave would be first for the chop.
Next question, I'm going to be maid of honour for my friend in October, if we start trying in july and I am one of the lucky ones that falls very quickly how big am I likely to be at 3 or 4 months? I know this is very subjective! Again I don't want to tell her we are trying.
Thanks all! I know we're a way off trying but I'm hoping to become more of a regular when we do start!
23/11/2013 at 19:58
No experience on negotiating pay but I definitely wouldn't be saying anything until I was actually pregnant, not for fear of redundancy but because it's personal and I wouldn't want people knowing.
At 3-4 months with my first, I was barely showing and could have got away with a size larger than usual in regular clothes.
If that's the package stated in your contract, that's what you're entitled to. Counter's situation was different. In your situation I wouldn't mention you're TTC. After all, you've no idea how long it will take or how sucessful you will be.
Again, I wouldn't be telling anyone you're trying re the wedding. For starters, it's private between you and your H, surely? Also, you'll be subjected to endless queations about whether you are pregnant or not. If you're struggling, that's the last thing you'll need, trust me. I wouldn't be looking that far ahead.
23/11/2013 at 20:10
Sange I'm not sure if you've misunderstood me but I definitely don't want to tell anyone when we start trying. my qquestion about my friends wedding was just a pondering if I'd still fit in the dress shes buying.
I only mentioned about telling work because of the number of people on counter's thread who said she had lost that power because she's pregnant. I know if it's in my contract that's what I'll get and that is fine and obviously what we will plan for if the time comes. I just wondered if I were to ask the question re enhanced pay when the best time was to ask.
23/11/2013 at 20:16
I don't think there is a best time to ask. I think it you ask now, before ttc, you risk them thinking you're trying and wondering about relieving you etc. If you ask when pregnant, I guess the worst they can say is no.
I also only get SMP. I've not consideex asking for more, I just font think I'd get it so there's no point in my case. Do you think your company would likely be flexible?
As for the wedding I think you'd be fine, maybe just a little adjustment to the dress.
23/11/2013 at 20:20
Thanks imp. I genuinely don't know if I stand any chance but my boss is a great guy who I would run it past first to see what he thinks. My job is all about negotiating the best deal so it's kind of in my nature to ask!
23/11/2013 at 20:26
No idea re the mat pay question. At 3 / 4 months pg I was still comfortably in my own clothes
23/11/2013 at 20:55
I wouldnt attempt to negotiate or mention to work about TTC.
At 3/4 months I could still hide my small bump. I suppose it depends on the style and shape of your dress as to whether it still fits.
23/11/2013 at 21:00
Thanks for the replies everyone it's much appreciated.
So if we were really lucky to get pregnant straight away (which I know is unlikely) then the dress situation should be fine.
Re work I'll be keeping my trap firmly shut, I must have got the wrong end of the stick on the other thread. If it does happen for us then I'll suss out the situation at that point
23/11/2013 at 21:08
Welcome to Md Holey!
I wouldn't mention anything to work or try to negotiate extra mat pay, I wouldn't want my work to know, especially if I thought that it might affect my position there. I would tell my friend though, presumably if you're maid of honour she's a pretty close friend, and I didn't mind telling my closest friends and family I was trying. My best friend is getting married next year and I'm a bridesmaid, and I told her we were trying so not to buy dresses too early as I didn't know if I'd be pregnant or how far along. Bump wise everyone's different, I showed early both times, and was in maternity jeans before my 12 week scan with both oregnancies. This time round I'm enormous at 13 weeks and would definitely not fit into any pre-pregnancy clothes, I think that's fairly unusual though.
23/11/2013 at 21:12
Cant add much to the advice already been given but just wanted to say hello
23/11/2013 at 22:40
Regarding the mat pay it depends on your employers. I have a huge HR dept so I could have rang them to see what was what before hand, ask for their advice without outing myself to my managers etc. As it stood I didnt need to as I have a good enhanced maternity package. If this is an option for you, you could try that? If not I would be careful asking as like you say you dont want it to affect your current working position.
By 3/4 months I wasnt showing that much, like others have said, maybe one size up would be ok. It all depends on if you put weight on and where. Ive gone up probably half a dress size in maternity clothes but its mainly all bump, there really is no telling what your body shape will be like :-)
23/11/2013 at 23:01
Holey, personally... I definitely wouldn't say anything at work. Whether it's fair or not, legal or not, being a female/prospective mother can definitely go against you/women in general. I'm sure things would be fine but if anything were to change and job security/promotions were up for discussion then you wouldn't be in a weaker position unnecessarily.
As it happens I now know that potentially there's a chance I wouldn't have been offered the job if I had said I hoped to try and get pregnant!
As for size, I got bigger very quickly because the 24/7 nausea I had for weeks and weeks was only lessened by eating crisps, chips, pastry (sausage rolls etc) and if I hadn't been eating those things I wouldn't have been in work and would have home ill. Lesser of 2 evils I guess, but plenty of folk don't change their shape in that time, I'm sure it'd be fine.
24/11/2013 at 08:33
Hi Holey and welcome to MD.
When it comes to your remuneration and contract terms anything is negotiable. I would disagree that you completely lose your bargaining power when you are already pregnant. However as a female, especially in a male dominated industry, sadly you don't have many bargaining chips to begin with. I agree with the others that you shouldnt tell anyone at work you are trying because it's personal decision. But when you do fall pregnant there absolutely no harm in asking and actually then you are at least afforded anti-discrimination protection in the workplace.
As for dress sizes, I didn't have even a trace of a bump until 22 weeks and this is my first pregnancy. If you do fall pregnant, dresses can be taken out. I wouldn't worry about it too much in advance.
24/11/2013 at 08:51
Hi holey, I can't help with the work question, other than to say unless it's mentioned nowhere in your contract and handbook whatever the company policy is you would have little to no chance of negotiation. If they changed policy for you, surely they would have to change it for everyone. I didnt read Counter's thread, actually, so I can't comment on her situation or why people might have suggested she should have broached the subject before, but I would agree with Little Dude: if you mentio you're ttc you aren't protected against discrimination, but if you're pg you are!
And as for whether you'd fit the dress... I'm 3 months-ish and still fit into my clothes. The smaller you are, though, the earlier you'll show. If you're blessed with a flat stomach, you will start to see the little bump sooner, whereas I've got a little padding and see nothing! And the uterus sits inside the pelvic bone until 12 weeks anyways, then only slowly expands up to start showing. If it's you're first baby you likely won't show until later! If you're worried, ask to get the dress a size up just in case and have it altered!
24/11/2013 at 09:39
Thanks for all the welcomes and help.
Little dude that's a good point about the discrimination. Thank you for that.
I never actually wanted to tell work when we start ttc but I must have read something the wrong way on the other thread that seemed like people were saying you should ask before being pregnant. It seemed strange to me for it to be that way round hence this question.
Wispa I'm a size 12 currently with most of my padding round my stomach anyway so it may be ok. Obviously this is all pie in the sky at the moment anyway but she's hoping to buy the dresses after Christmas. I don't think I'd be able to order a size up without arousing suspicion and I really don't want to tell anyone.
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