Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
26/09/2016 at 13:26
Hello everyone, Thank you for reading this post, I'm fairly new to this so I'm unsure whether I have posted in the right place, and please excuse my lack of lingo. I could really use any words of encouragement from an outsider or anyone who has been in a similar situation as I don't have anyone unbiased in my real life to talk to about it.I have had someone in my life for over a year now, he really is the most special person I've ever met and I love him dearly. In January this year we were both shocked to find out I was pregnant as we were being so careful. I ended up having a medical termination at 5 weeks and can say honestly it was the worst decision I've ever made. I feel like I was pushed into it by my partner because he was so forceful about not wanting it and would sometimes say quite hurtful things to make me feel bad about the possibility of going through with it. The experience itself was very traumatic and I didn't cope very well, and until present day it still hurts so much emotionally, it hurts to be around people talking about pregnancy or having children. I know that sounds very strange. I had an operation booked for two weeks time and because I'd missed a period the hospital needed to do a pregnancy test during my pre op. Imagine my shock on to discover I am pregnant again. We understood how it may have happened the first time as I had been quite ill but this time we are baffled as I've been told that most antibiotics don't interfere with the pill. I am heartbroken that I am back in this situation. This time I am being as firm as I can and speaking up for myself but my partner is so forceful about not wanting it. He's even tried to say he's 'flabbergasted' that I would even consider keeping it and in no uncertain terms said because I sometimes suffer from anxiety how could I consider having a child when I would pass all of that onto the child and the child would end up being messed up. He's also said he feel physically sickened by the thought of it. I know I didn't choose this situation but all I can do is try to deal with it and I'm not sure what to do. When I think about this pregnancy and having a child, I feel so happy it makes me cry. I know I would be the best parent I could be. When I think about terminating I just see all of that hurt and heartbreak again. He has said he will be there for me more afterwards this time if I can be more open about how I feel but I don't think it will help.So I guess my problem is that I'm really struggling here . I am not in the best situation to have a child, I still live at home and I don't think my dad would be too happy with me bringing a baby into the house. I don't have a very supportive manager at work, she's not a very good manager in general and she would be very annoyed. I don't feel like anyone would be very happy if I told them I was keeping it because I'm on my own and I'm afraid more people will be angry at me. But I don't think I can go through an abortion again. It tore me apart. I know the decision I make I need to be behind 100% and I'm not ruling anything out. If anyone with any sort of insight or with a similar story could reply I would really appreciate it. Thanks
26/09/2016 at 17:55
Hi, I ant fully relate but I have had a termination whilst at university (around 7 years ago I was 19/20 at time). Me and my partner hadn't been together long and we're young and naive. I told no one about it I was ashamed and embarrassed and generally it was just to painful to discuss. I was in no way talked into it though. I knew then and still do know it was best decision for us.
We now have a beautiful 4yo daughter and I'm pregnant with number 2. Neither of these were planned either but I dont think there is a perfect time or a perfect situation to be in before a baby. With my daughter we both lived at home and we're between jobs and my partner was out of work due to an accident. We applied and were given a council house and everything fell into place.
Your partner shouldn't be talking you into it. It's Yourgent body and emotions. You can apply to local authority housing. Your boss can't not support you. It's the law you are entitled to maternity leave and time off for appointments. Child tax credits etc will top up your wages. It wouldn't be easy doing it alone. But it's possible. Sod everyone's opinion. He should learn to wrap it if he doesn't want "accidents" to happen. Not only the ladies responsibility to be protected.
Good luck xx
27/09/2016 at 10:11
Hi hun nobody is ready for a baby but if u want ur baby dont let anybody force u into anythink this big i dont mean to sound meen but ur boyfriend sound so selfish and quit sputfull of what hes doing to u do what u want to do dont worry about everybody else a baby is a precious gift only u can no if u are ready xx
28/09/2016 at 20:19
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Don't let anyone force you to do something you really dont want to do. It is your body, your decision and your baby. You do not have to have an abortion just because someone else tells you to. If your boyfriend loves you he needs to understand that it is up to you. It is your life and you are the one who has to live with the decision, not him. Some people seem to think that having an abortion is as easy as throwing away a gum wrapper but it is obviously not. He should behave like a gentleman and respect your decisions. I wish you all the best. Talk to your friends and parents to help you with this. Good luck. Xx
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