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28/08/2013 at 14:13
I love my children but have just realised that I don't particularly like being a mum. Does anyone else feel like this?
This probably makes me sound like a terrible person. I am not and I love my children beyond belief. I am not in anyway a sentimental person but I would literally lay down my life for my girls but the endless drudgery of it all is sucking the joy out of me.
We are on holiday this week and I have just realised that work keeps me sane. The same work that keeps me out of the house and away from them all for large chunks of the week is the thing holding me together. I just feel so guilty I am not giving them enough joy and am willing them to get older so they aren't such hard work (my eldest is three and the twins are 14 months). I am fed up of packing bags, sorting out washing, organising everyone, changing bums, keeping them from peril (always "stop", "don't put that in your mouth", "give that back to your sister", "don't throw sand" etc etc) that I never stop to revel in them.
I am by nature a coper but I have had enough. I do not think I am depressed (maybe just a bit menstrual ;-)) but I think I have just run out of energy. This holiday was supposed to recharge me not make things worse. :-(
28/08/2013 at 14:16
I get it. I am not cut out to be a mum full time. I cannot entertain the idea (even if we could afford it) of not working. I would come home from work and look forward to seeing my son, and enjoyed every minute, but then I LOVED getting my clobber on and going to work.
Work has kept me sane through lots of emotional times actually.
It does NOT make you sound like a bad person, it makes you sound like a normal person, who can get bored of wall-to-wall drudge and chores. It *will* get better, you know it will :)
28/08/2013 at 14:22
I hear you. I am going back to work in January even though it won't actually bring any additional money into the family pot as I just cannot be a full time stay at home to the 2 of them. I'm just not set up or made out to do it. I'd lose my patience too often, the domestic chores would do my head in (plus I'm really bad at housework). I totally admire anyone who can do it, I really do.
ETA you're SO not a terrible mum.
28/08/2013 at 14:25
Oh thank god. I am not the only one. I am sitting here in deepest darkest rural France on what is supposed to be our holiday feeling like the worst person in the world because I am not enjoying it because it is unrelenting. I am knackered and narked. It is not a good combination.
28/08/2013 at 14:31
You sound very normal to me. Gosh I only have one and he's at a good stage right now, but I still have days where I feel the drudgery.
Worse than BW, I plan to go back to work after having another baby even though I will be PAYING to go to work for a few years due to the cost of childcare, and it's not even a particularly fulfilling or enjoyable career, just a normal job. I just don't want to risk not being able to find another one, and I'm the sort of person who'll need to get out of the house to stay sane.
Work means that when you're at home and it's all getting on top of you, you can look forward to going to work. And when you're at work missing the kids, you can look forward to going home. You won't be spending all of your time with the same hat on, and that's a good thing if you're that kind of person. It absolutely does not make you a bad mum.
My mum worked full time when I was a child, and I had a great childhood, we get on great now, and are very close. H's mum was a full time SAHM, and he had a great childhood, they get on great now, and are very close. Different things work for different families.
28/08/2013 at 14:33
I feel exactly the same. I love my children more than anything but I need space away from them. I miss working full time, I miss full days and nights away from them when I worked long shifts. It made me appreciate them when I got home!
28/08/2013 at 14:36
You are not alone!! I adore my daughter more than life itself but I could not be at home 24/7. I am coming to the end of 7 weeks summer holiday and I'm really looking forward to going back to work. To think fr myself and use my brain even if I dint need to work for the money I would do. if you ever want to have coffee and discuss in real
Life you know where I am!!
28/08/2013 at 17:16
Another one checking in.
I honestly thought when I went back to work after having A that it'd be a short term thing until I went on maternity leave the second time, but now as I'm about to go on maternity leave I've never been so sure that I want to go back. Admittedly, part time is ideal for me as I genuinely feel I get the best of both worlds, but the thought of not going back at all is a very scary one.
Bad mum status denied.
28/08/2013 at 17:28
RS you have the same age gap as I have between my singleton and twins and it is such a demanding age for them all. it is bloody hard work, everyday feels like a battle and when you look around at the end of the day its is like a tornado or two has been through the house and your mind! I totally understand, it is exhausting, mentally and physically. what it is hard for people to understand is that a 'holiday' for a mum is the same work just in a smaller space with less facilities usually! I do not find holidays relaxing unless I up the adult:kid ration by bring my folks along!
in short, you are not a terrible mum, it is perfectly normal to feel completely drained by the little monkeys. i'm a SAHM but boy on occasion do I wish I had a job to escape to! would your husband/partner or perhaps your parents or inlaws be prepared to have your girls for a weekend so you can get some proper down time? my H has occasionally taken all 3 off my hands and even an afternoon without the little rascals can make the world of difference to my mental state.
Bad mum status well and truly denied i'm afraid!
28/08/2013 at 17:40
Thanks all. You have made me cry. I think I have lost some perspective because I am so tired. I was really hoping we might get a bit of rest this holiday but that hasn't really happened. I don't see it happening either for a good few years either until the girls are big enough to do their own thing and play together. We have my mum with us too but that just evens up the adult to child ratio!
My H is run ragged too - he has looked after all three of them pretty much single handedly all summer holiday (he teaches) and he says he can't wait to go back to school for a rest!!! I think I was a bit unrealistic in my expectations of our holiday and now I feel deflated. It would be lovely to have some time for H and I but it is a logistical misson finding enough people to look after them all (my mum doesn't feel able to look after all of them on her own overnight so we have to rope in the in-laws too!).
Self indulgent moan over. X
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