Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
07/08/2013 at 13:18
N is the first grandchild on both sides and so adored by all grandparents. They love him and it's brilliant. However we keep getting comments from both Mums about how they don't want another grandchild yet, they just aren't ready.
Obviously what they don't know is that we are ttc no.2 and I'm a bit nervous about their reaction to any potential news if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant. My Mum is worried I'm going to give up my career for babies and would be gutted if I did this as I trained to be a nurse it was hard work and I have a good job. Plus I'm doing more studying which I need to finish. On the other hand I'm 35 and need to get a move on with our family. I'm not planning on giving up work. H's Mum just can't imagine having another. I think they both worry that they couldn't love another as much, which of course they can.
Am I being ridiculous worrying about their potential reaction? I think I might be. They have been told that having another is nothing to do with them!
07/08/2013 at 13:22
Not ridiculous but it's your decision, not theirs and it sounds like one you've considered carefully. I was petrified about telling my mum we were expecting #3 and although she was surprised, she was also delighted, so try not to worry, I'm sure they will be excited by your news when it happens.
i can see why their reaction would cause you to worry...but its your life and like you say nothing to do with them. they will love No2 just as much as N so i would just try not to think about.
07/08/2013 at 13:23
Funnily enough i haven't told my mum i'm pregnant because i'm worried about her reaction!! Hehe, not in a massively serious way but i just can't put my finger on why i haven't told her yet!! So i totally appreciate your nervous-ness. Equally i think we are both being silly, it's nothing to do with our parents!
07/08/2013 at 13:25
your right, its your decision! im sure once another baby arrives though they will be over joyed and love it just as much!
07/08/2013 at 13:36
Certainly your decision, but totally understanable about worrying how they might react. We wont be telling our parents about TTC as they will only worry that we cant afford it and we need a bigger place, etc, but at the end of the day its your family your are creating and they will be happy for you.
07/08/2013 at 13:55
What exactly do they need to be ready for? I'm confused
07/08/2013 at 14:01
I'm baffled by what they might need to feel ready? Unless they are your childcare?
Could they be saying it so you don't feel pressured into having another one? Or reverse psychology?
I wouldn't let it stop you, they'll probably be overjoyed if/when you tell them.
07/08/2013 at 14:14
Ah yes, sorry I didn't think of child care reasons, I just thought as in day to day they don't feel ready [blush]
07/08/2013 at 14:22
I wouldn't let it stop you, I am sure they will be excited and happy for you when it does happen for you, My MIL is the same and keeps telling me when H isn't around (Because he would tell her) for me not to have any yet and to wait a few years, we are trying anyways H says she will be thrilled when we are pregnant! just let it go over your head!
07/08/2013 at 14:59
Just go for it, sounds like they adore N, they'll have double the fun when you have another xx
07/08/2013 at 15:07
My mum moaned at us for having a third - god knows why as they don't provide childcare and we don't ask much of them. Since S was born they've just gone on and on about my H having the snip and that they don't want another grandchild!! Have told them to mind their own business lol
07/08/2013 at 19:59
What exactly do they need to be ready for? I'm confused
I know, it's weird right?
I was just talking to a friend and she said exactly the same thing. N was a bit of a shock. We conceived on honeymoon never expecting for it to happen that quickly so announcing him was a real surprise for them!
However they are now adoring grandparents and I think they love giving all their attention to N. To be honest it's my Mum' reaction I'm more worried about. She was a sahm for quite a long time (but in a very different situation) and I think she worries that I'm going to give up my career for babies. She was really surprised when I said if I won the lottery I'd give up nursing. I think she's proud of what I've achieved but having kids doesn't mean that will change.
Forgot to add, they each live three hours away so childcare isn't an issue, we rely on nursery.
07/08/2013 at 20:19
A few ideas to throw in:
They might think they'll get roped in for child care
They might be concerned that as parents you might be very strapped, either financially or that it could be a big challenge for you as a couple physically/emotionally
Some grandparents are ridiculously protective of the first grandchild and might not want another coming along to 'spoil' things (it wouldn't, of course!)
They may be worried about more babies affecting your career(s)
Some grandparents struggle coming to terms with their age, and the first grandchild is a delightful surprise, but being a grandparent many times over can make them feel that they've reached 'old' (I'd disagree, but I've heard of a couple with this issue)
And I bet you *know* that they will adore no. 2 just as much, despite what they say.
08/08/2013 at 10:48
My mom Felt very much like this.. not another from me but E was due in January, her first born grandchild (she has a stepGD) and my brother announced they were expecting in May. My mom kept saying once E had arrived she felt robbed of time with E. Didn't feel she'd gotten enough time with her etc. Tbh I think it's fair enough and I understand because that's how I feel about even considering number 2. However it's really not their decision and it's something that IMO should never have been shared with you. I wouldn't worry about telling them though because regardless a new baby is exciting and they'll be delighted.
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