Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
28/03/2013 at 08:03
Out of interest and to get conversations going - is motherhood all you expected?
What has been better what has been harder?
did you take to it naturally?
thought it might be useful for new/prospective mums to read and interesting for us all to share.
i found it totally diff to what I expected. I didn't have the rush if love, I felt so ill after the birth and I wasn't prepared for how it felt to have someone totally dependant on you - I found this scarily tying. Things got better once I started to feel better and H settled into more of a routine. I still haven't had the rush if love although love my H to bits it's more rationalised (if that makes sense). now we get smiles it's all worth it though :)
28/03/2013 at 08:08
it is and it isn't what I expected, b's birth was a shock that I haven't really got over and like you I didn't feel the huge rush of love, although I love him so much it was the overwhelming feeling everyone said I'd get the second he was born. I found it quite scary having him totally dependant on me, even worse when I was struggling to express milk for him
Waiting so long for his first smiles has been difficult as it was hard to know if he was ever happy . Loads of friends have said I'm a very natural mum and in the baby classes they e said I'm very relaxed and that's why B is, and to a point i have found that some of it does come naturally with him, and it hasn't been as hard as I was expecting
28/03/2013 at 08:17
It's worse and it's better...
It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The hardest 'job' I have ever had. It's tiring, frustrating and often very stressful. It makes me feel down (if I think I'm not doing enough for my children), it makes me shout and cry. It is bloody expensive- I never knew how many times a year I'd have to buy clothes, shoes, bedding, etc!
It's equally the best thing I have ever done. My children make me smile and laugh every day. I never understood how much I could love a person until I had children. I developed a protectiveness that I never knew I could have over my little ones- I would honestly be willing to kill anyone that hurt my children. It has made me fall in love with my husband all over again as I watch how he interacts with our children.
With Ella, I was terrified of her, of what we had done, etc. I did not feel an overwhelming rush of love for her at first, that came with time. She was a difficult baby, I was a nervous and neurotic mother. Ella taught me all about motherhood and as a result, Michael and I bonded before he was born. I felt that rush of love as soon as I laid eyes on him. He is a calm, happy, easygoing, placid, wonderful baby and I am a calm, happy, easygoing mummy. I feel I have Ella to thank for this.
28/03/2013 at 08:19
I'm so glad you both said about the rush of love because with both of mine it didn't kick in until they were 3 weeks old to the day, really bizarre. I loved them and cared for them straightaway and they fascinated me but I think the birth, the tiredness the new-ness etc all made me feel a bit like I was on autopilot. Once the baby is born that's it, things kick off straightaway with nappy changing, feeding, bathing, trying to get them to sleep, stop crying etc and there is no down time.
Everyone says how parenting is the hardest thing you'll ever do but you don't realise just how hard until they are here and each stage and age brings new things, I find I just bumble along, make what I hope are the right judgements, have lots of fun, discipline them, pick my battles and see how they turn out
28/03/2013 at 08:22
Oh yes and what WS said about protectiveness - I'm like a tigress ready to pounce on anyone who dares harm or criticise them! Children can and will drive you completely crazy and just when you feel like running away and hiding they do something so loving or funny that all is forgiven again.
28/03/2013 at 08:32
Yes and no. When C was born, I didn't feel like a Mum until he was 12 weeks, and home with me. I'd had people tell me how hard being a Mum was, but apart from all of his hospital visits, I found it easy. Sleepless nights didn't bother me (one good thing about being a teen Mum, I was used to being out all night and not sleeping ) i was also living with my Mum, so she took a lot of the pressure off. Considering I never wanted kids, looking after one seemed to come easily. I was on the Bounty forums at the time, and remember being puzzled as to why so many people found it hard. C was a good baby, a good toddler, and has turned out to be a good boy. My Mum said I "got lucky"..
With J, was expecting it to be easy, and it was. I was prepared for the sleepless nights, teething, tantrums, etc. He's more challenging than C, but for some reason, it doesn't stress me out. If J had been my first, i'd have said that being a Mum is so much harder than I ever thought, but due to having a child before him, I find him easy to handle.
Something I say a lot to H. "Being a Mum is easy, it's being a Step Mum that's hard".
28/03/2013 at 08:57
Well lets see. Watching K give birth was the most awful thing i have had to witness in my life, but thankfully it is slowly leaving my memory and we can finally enjoy our little princess.
I have found the bonding with S completely overwhelming and the love i feel for her is rediculous (I did worry i might not have this feeling). The tiredness a newborn brings is testing and does put a strain on couples, but you have to deal with it head on instead of letting it fester. I am yet to experience the toddler phase so cannot pass judgement on that.
I can speak for both of us and say that despite the lack of sleep and worry that we are doing things right we are totally loving our new roles and wouldnt change it for the world. I look at the future now and it excites me. I may even consider going to Disney (this was and used to be my ultimate nightmare), but for my little girl i would do anything
Fluff over, as you were!
28/03/2013 at 10:00
When I had my son I was young and fearless and looked at motherhood as a new adventure and didn't really know what to expect and with my daughter I was already a mother so knew what was coming.
This time round, everything was different. I had two older kids, a different father and I was 10 years older and a different person to the one I was when I had my older kids. I had no idea whether I would cope this time round, my life had suddenly done a complete u-turn as a result of our surprise baby and all the plans we'd made for our future were changed. Tbh, I didn't know whether I would bond with J when she was born as I was scared of getting PND like I had in the past, felt so down in my pregnancy and pretty much felt scared and worried all the time and it sent me a bit insane in the end. I had no idea whether I could cope with a newborn again and how my life would be once they were born. Luckily, I bonded with J straight away and she has slotted into our lives straight away and we're all besotted with her. I really don't feel like I've gone back to the beginning and I think that my future has changed for the better.
28/03/2013 at 10:57
For various reasons including the fact that being a Mum was all i ever really wanted to be i expected to hit the ground running and love every minute of it, but that hasn't happened. It's been overwhelming, exhausting and frightening at times. I feel very guilty that i don't feel the way i expected or was told i would feel all the way through my pregnancy. Especially as I too didn't have that rush of love that i was promised, i feel cheated in a way. He's wonderful and watching him do new things every day is amazing, plus the thought of anything happening to him makes me sick to my stomach, but i do feel as though something is missing, that i didn't get something that everyone else gets xx
28/03/2013 at 11:02
It's so much harder. Nothing prepares you for the guilt and the worrying! Suddenly there is someone more important than your own life. I really honestly thought I was supposed to be a mum and it actually does not come naturally to me at all. Well it's not that but I constantly worry about everything single little thing I do. And yet I can't place that trust in anyone else really either, maybe my H but even then he needs a bloody good shove sometimes to get things sorted!
28/03/2013 at 12:14
I never had a rush of love either, I'm sort of glad to see I'm not the only one. My love for A has just grown naturally rather than all at once.
At the beginning it was easy. I was hormonal and cried and BFing was so much harder than I thought, but the sleep deprivation wasn't and isn't as bad as I'd feared. Especially as A was a jaundiced sleepy baby, so had to be woken for feeds. I could sleep while he slept, and wake him at a convenient time for me. It got harder when this stopped, and he won't be put down, but I don't mind too much as I do love cuddling him on the sofa all day!
It gets easier too when they can smile and respond to you.
In conclusion some bits are easier than I thought, others are/were harder.
28/03/2013 at 12:30
I can't really remember what I was expecting, but I do find it utterly relentless - there is no break, there is always something needing doing to keep up. I think I spent a lot of time thinking about the baby days with #1 and didn't remotely consider that one day I'd be dealing with a 5 year old with an attitude problem, the challenges keep coming and they are constantly changing.
But as others say, it's the best thing I've ever done, I'm so proud of them for everything they do and they make me so happy (most of the time!)
28/03/2013 at 12:32
I'm much more laid back than I thought I would be. It works for us though. I think it can be as hard as you make it really, not applicable to everyone of course.
28/03/2013 at 12:34
George is now 3.5 and so far I've been surprised every step of the way!
I didn't expect the rush of love, but I got it, and it was amazing! I expected to be rubbish with a newborn but good with a toddler. So far it's been the other way around - I feel like with a baby there was a specific list of needs, you worked through them and all was well. With a toddler I'm getting into managing behaviour, sleep issues, reward charts etc, and it's challenging to say the least.
I expected to be able to sleep again after 6 months, but G has always thought sleep is for losers so I'm perpetually tired (even more so now at 23 weeks pregnant and a very energetic pre schooler).
I thought I'd get a quiet little girl who likes to sit and play or read books (like I was as a child). Instead I have a chaotic little boy, he's full of energy and very wilful. But I wouldn't change him for the world (just as well as we're about to get another one!).
I have been surprised at how you can't imagine life before you had kids. I was so petrified of having George, of our world changing. I didn't know what to expect. Now I can't remember what it was like before he came along. Of course, now I'm panicking about number two coming along... about how our world will change again. And I'm having to remind myself that it will just become the new normal.
It's constant hard work, tiredness, talking, educating, playing, feeding, washing. But he's worth it. I love seeing G grow and develop and he's turning into a fabulous little boy who I'm very proud of :)
28/03/2013 at 13:47
I didn't get a rush of love. In fact I remember just being grateful the whole thing was over with. And then hoping that she'd stay asleep because I had no idea what to do with her.
I wasn't really prepared for the sleepless nights - didn't know what that truly meant. That its not just that the baby wants to be fed but when they won't stop crying and its the middle of the night and you haven't had a proper night's sleep for months, and you can't imagine when you will get one again. That's when they frustrate you - how can something so small be so demanding. And then when she did finally manage to sleep without waking up, guess who was awake worrying about why she wasn't awake.
I think the love is fiercer than anything I was expecting. I would happily kill for her.
I've enjoyed most stages - she's 6 this weekend so not a baby anymore. Each age brings its own challenges but also rewards. She writes me little notes telling me she loves me now. I have to remember that when she's behaving like a stroppy teenager
The one thing that is true is that whatever they are doing now, that time will pass. They won't stay the same forever. And if you're having a time when you don't like your child very much that's OK too.
28/03/2013 at 14:02
Without sounding smug (I know he is only 3 and 1/2 months old so I am fully expecting it to change) it's been much easier than I thought. We do have our moments where I could quite happily pack a bag and emmigrate but it soon goes. Generally he's a good sleeper (at night) which I think makes all the difference.BFing was easier physically but so much harder emotionally than I ever thought it would be and I'm in awe of anyone who does whether that's for a day or a year.
I know I've had it lucky so far and some ways this worries me as I think it will be so hard to cope if/when he does become more hardwork with sleeping etc as I've had it easy before.
28/03/2013 at 21:40
I've found it easier than I expected, which I know I'm really lucky with. Sure she didn't always sleep through & this week has been up before 6 4 nights this week. It's juggling the other things in my life with motherhood that I find hard. Well actually just the 1 thing - work. I only work 2 days a week but I find it really hard trying to keep on top of planning, marking & assessing whilst looking after her so I have afternoons where I end up having to stick Peppa Pig on so I can get some work done.
29/03/2013 at 05:04
I really underestimated the impact it would have on my life, I thought that I would be able to carry on as normal and make some adjustments for J, when instead having him completely changed everything. I didn't think it would have a huge effect on me and H, but it did and has made is stronger. The first few weeks were a struggle and the lack of sleep didn't help but we learned to communicate much better and I really do love him more. It's also changed what makes me content, I love nothing more than seein H playing with J and staying in with my little family at night- totally different to how we used to be!
I'm another who didn't get the rush of love- J was taken off me straight away to have his airways checked and was gone about 15-20 mins- at the time I was just relieved it was over and he was out- I feel guilty over that now as I know if that were to happen now I would be there by his side. My love for him has grown and it honestly overwhelms me how much I love him and the protectiveness I feel over him, as others have said I would quite happily kill anyone who tried to harm him, and without a doubt put myself in harms way if it would protect him. I never thought I would be content just looking after a baby and although its relentless and the hardest thing I have ever done I wouldn't change a thing....well maybe just sleeping through!
29/03/2013 at 06:36
I didn't bond with J until he was about 6 months old, we almost lost him during labour and I felt that I had failed in my first duty as a mum - to keep him safe. As a result I found it very difficult and tbh wondered if we had done the right thing. I 'woke up' at 6 months to the happiest, most laid back little boy who made my heart melt just looking at him and the next year was a dream! I now have a 2 yr old 'Kevin the Teenager' who is driving me insane! I found the early days with b much easier but also feel very guilty for the love she is getting that J didn't at this point! My mum said you spend the whole time as a parent feeling guilty - she wasnt wrong!
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