Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
26/03/2013 at 13:02
I know this is a how long is a piece of string question, but I am just curious to see your opinion.
IF and there is a huge IF we were to have another child is it easier (and more cost effective) to have them closer together or to wait until they are either at nursery or school and you would have more time?
26/03/2013 at 13:12
I want a smallish age gap (3 years at most) and this is purely for selfish reasons - we'd like to devote ourselves to childrearing now but have time to ourselves when we're older, so obviously it'd work out better to have a small age gap and be childrearing for a shorter total length of time.
There's 26 months between my little brother and myself and we're very close and it seems to have worked out well for my parents so I'd like to follow the same path. Cleverly, my mum had me in August and my brother in September so we were 3 school years apart meaning we weren't doing GCSEs and A-levels at the same time
However, we will have to save VERY hard to cover the cost of childcare when they are both too young for school, which is a big downside. Financially it'd be much easier to wait until A is in school.
26/03/2013 at 13:15
lol! I am impressed - I am sure you said in your Birth story you'd have a one and only. Time has already been a healer!
There are pros and cons to all age gaps.
We will have a 4 yr 4m gap. I am liking the fact that I will get the summer at home with both of my children and then M will start school in September and I will get baby time.
M is old enough to understand what's going on, she's mega excited about being a big sister. She's understood that Mummy feels sick and hasn't minded the many duvet days that we've had. I think she'll be a great help to me too when baby arrives.
26/03/2013 at 13:21
Rusty this is all hypothetical (i wish i could make up my bloody mind what I want to do ) I just want to make the right decision and not regret anything.
I can see the pro's and the cons but then i have to think about age etc. Im not getting any younger
26/03/2013 at 13:23
We have a 27 month gap between K and A and we did have a period of around 4 months where we had two in nursery before K went to school which was pretty costly. All being good we'll have exactly a 4 year gap with A and baby 3 and so I'll have two in school and just the baby at home which I think will be lovely (A is an August baby so very young in the school year in case you were wondering about my maths!). We'll have a routine with school pick ups but lots of time for just me and baby to do groups etc.
Having said that K and A are very close and most of the time play together really nicely. I know they are going to be great big sisters though. xx
26/03/2013 at 13:28
I always wanted a biggish age gap, and when C arrived it's a good job because there's no way I'd have been able to look after him as a toddler and a baby too! He's been such hard work, plus I've not been in the right frame of mind to consider another one until more recently. I'm finally feeling ready so hopefully it should be about 5 years.
I can see the advantages of having smaller age gaps, them being so close, getting the baby days done quicker etc, but that just wasn't for me.
26/03/2013 at 13:29
Everyone I've spoken to about age gaps has said that whatever theirs is works for them. I imagine there are pros and cons to any age gap. Personally I wouldn't have been able to handle two tiny ones as my son was a real handful up until age 3 but others say you get the baby stage out of the way almost in one go and they have a companion early on. I definitely think N would have benefited from a sibling sooner than now but it wasn't possible. On the other hand there has so far been no jealousy, he loves his sister an is very caring, he understands that when she cries I have to go to her. I also like that because he's in school four mornings I get that time for just the baby like he had.
26/03/2013 at 13:30
We have a 3y2m age gap. originally I wanted a smaller gap but had 2 m/c so it didn't happen. the age gap really worked for us b/c No 1 was at preschool 5 mornings a week so I got to have some baby time. He was also potty trained and able to dress himself and 'help' with the baby (get nappies, play with her, sing her songs, etc.) He was old enough to understand a baby was coming and to be excited about it - and understand how to behave with her and to be careful. I didn't go back to work afterwards but it would have meant 2 in childcare for under a year before he would have started full time school so it would have been possible.
26/03/2013 at 13:31
Vikster79Im not getting any younger
Ooo, would you be carrying baby 2?!
26/03/2013 at 13:38
It can vary, depending on who you ask.
I have a 7.5 yr gap. Not intentionally, as C was always going to be an only child, but as it turns out, it was a perfect gap. He was at an age where he could do a lot for himself, and for me. Now, having J, I know if another was on the cards, it'd be in a few years, once J was at school. A small age gap would be a nightmare for me. I'd like to devote quality one to one time with each child.
My Mum liked having all her babies relatively close together. there's 22 months between me and my younger sister, a bigger age gap than my mum wanted, but she was still glad she had a smallish age gap.
Even with a big age gap between my boys, they are SO close.
26/03/2013 at 13:39
I would not recommend my age gap! E is harder than ever now and I wish we had waited just a bit longer. Next time I'd wait until the first has left home
26/03/2013 at 13:40
Vikster79Im not getting any younger
Ooo, would you be carrying baby 2?!
I know its a decision only I can make but just want to think things through with regard to age gaps and possible situations.
26/03/2013 at 13:42
WhiteSparklesNext time I'd wait until the first has left home
26/03/2013 at 13:43
Vikster79Well this is what we said originally but after seeing what poor Kat went through im petrified, like horrifically scared
Oh love, it must have been horrid to watch but every pregnancy and birth are different. You might be one of these "selling peas" women...
26/03/2013 at 13:44
TBH I think its a personal decision. we have 15 months gap, its hard work but I think any age gap is. As for financial I can't really comment on nursery ect but the way I saw it was to struggle on through and get it out the way iyswim. We spend alot on nappies and milk at the minute but I suppose we are used to it now. Big R wasn't affected by baby R which I like and its like she has always bee apart of the family. PJ xx
26/03/2013 at 13:51
I have a 2 year 9 month age gap between my eldest and middle, then a 12 & half month age gap between my middle and youngest. The first age gap was what we had planned as I couldn't even consider having another one until just before my eldest turned 2, had a very difficult labour with her and she was a hard work toddler, very tantrumy etc. My 2nd age gap was completely unplanned and I was absolutely terrified but actually, it's been ok. My eldest is at school now so just the 2 youngest at home. I do feel a bit envious when I see other mums who only have one child at home and the other at school as they get lots of time with the baby and I think that's where my youngest 2 have missed out - one-to-one time with me but however they've never known any different and do enjoy playing together. Personally I wouldn't want a bigger age gap than what we've got as kids get easier in a way as they get older so not sure I'd want to go back to baby days by then. Plus it would be harder to do things to entertain both an older child and a younger child if you know what I mean. I think your own age does come into it too.
26/03/2013 at 14:23
I agree that it's what you get that you make work for you (sorry WhiteSparkles!). There's 12.5 months between my two. It can be bloody hard but I don't know any different and honestly I imagine any gap is hard work. There are times when I want to pull out my hair with how much these two fight like cat and dog but at the same time the thought of having to start over the baby days after getting through the toddler phase isn't something that I'd be looking forward to! I really don't think I'd like to start over now we are through that, in fact the bigger the gap gets the less likely it will ever happen.
26/03/2013 at 14:45
My ideal gap if age wasn't a factor (older than you I'm sure) would be 4 years. I'd like to have a short while with a newborn and first born together before the first started school. That's in the perfect ideal world which will never happen because a) IF (a massive if) we have another it would need to be a shorter gap due to our age and b) because I don't conceive easily or keep the pregnancy so planning the perfect situation would be a miracle.
26/03/2013 at 14:47
I distinctly remember your 1 and only comment from the birth story too, so pleasantly surprised to see this so soon!
I originally wanted something in the region of 18 months. However, gynae issues and a wedding in India meant we had to delay ttc for a year, luckily I fell quickly and am now looking at a 28 month gap. Truthfully, now I've had an 18 months old I'm glad of the enforced wait! I think I would have found it a lot harder than I anticipated. I'm site I would have coped, a few friends did have that age gap and have breezed it.
My reason for wanting a smaller age gap is so that both children can enjoy things at a similar time. For example if we take them skiing or to Disney the oldest doesn't have to wait that long for the youngest to be old enough.
I'd also like them to be friends growing up and they're more likely to go through similar stuff at similar times.
Financially it works out ok, as A will get his funding the month I go back to work, do it'll only work out 33% increase in childcare, and I may get a sibling discount. I must admit though, that wouldn't have been a consideration stopping us going for a smaller age gap, it would have just made the decision of whether to return to work or not easier.
Age wise, H wants to be done by the time he's 35, which is next year.
Really though, I'd take shorter term pain for the longer term gain and choose a shorter age gap.
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