Hi ladies.
I don't often post on here but I really to need to talk to fellow pregnant ladies and get some advice, and I have no one else to turn to without me or O/H being judged.

Here's our background. I have been with O/H 7 years, married for one and I am 4 months pregnant (planned).
The past couple of months my husband has been getting distant, staying up late, trying to find excuses to go out without me etc, and this afternoon I finally got him to admit what's up.

He said he feels bored by our relationship and he doesn't know if he wants to carry on or not, but he feels trapped because of the baby. The bored thing I can understand I suppose as I have been on school hols for 5 weeks now and am bored at home and wait for him to get back from work. He also works abroad a lot so I do find myself sitting around and waiting for him to come home. He says he feels pressured by me and that I'm too clingy and he wants more independence.

But when I say ok, shall we work on this he says he's not sure. He doesn't know if it's a phase and will pass, or whether we've hit the end of our relationship.

So, well I'm devastated! I knew something was up but didn't realise he was sat their contemplating leaving me . We are very different people and that usually works well for us but I'm scared we're drifting apart. He says he still loves me and I still love him very much, but where do we go from here????

What on earth do i do? I love my husband and want our baby... I don't want to be going through this at all. This is my worst nightmare.

Thanks for listening, and any advice is very welcome!!

xx

oh wow, what a horrible thing for you to be going through. I know that pregnancy can have this affect on some men regarding feeling trapped etc, but thats not at all helpful for you, now you have a much wanted and loved baby growing inside you.

I know you said you don't want to be judged but i can only think that you are protecting your hubby, as the natural reaction is to think he's being a bit of an a-hole. It is so unreasonable for him to be saying this now, you must be distraught.

About him saying you are being needy, its not unreasonable for you to miss him whilst he is away, and you put up with that. Why are men so bloody difficult?

Its not the same but last year i had an friend who was telling me all about his marriage breakdown and how his wife had 'changed' and that she wasn't the women he fell in love with... get this apparently, after giving him 2 beautiful children and putting her career on hold, supporting him in his and also encouraging him in his musical hobbies, he thought she had become a bit 'mumsey'! Cheeky Git! I pretty much told him as much, and told him he was having a midlife crisis! Anyway, fast forward a 6 months and he's moved in with a mate, enjoying the single life and surprise surprise, his wife seems to be having a whale of a time also. She got angry, made sure he took some responsibility for child care, had her own fun, lost some weight, and got a new job which boosted her confidence. Low and behold, he suddenly saw her in a new light, and they are now back together. (Shame that it took this for him to appreciate her, i'm sure she will never forgive him for it, but i do understand that if you love somebody you may be willing to try)

Anyway, its a bit off topic, but your story made me think of it cos your O/H seems to have made a good job of making you question yourself. Which is crap.

I cant really offer any advice, only that you clearly have some decision to make. I guess you need to seriously consider if you can do this alone if the worst happens. Would he consider Counseling? Or maybe when baby actually arrives it will change things again, although from what i can tell those first few months are hard work and stressful, so who knows.

Do you have many family and friends around for support? Also do many of your friend have family? Maybe it would help him to talk to some other 'dad's" who may be able to offer some reassurances.

Im so sorry, i've waffled on, but really have no answers. I hope you manage to sort things out.

Gem x

first of all hun, don't ever think that you cant do this by yourself, trust me its far easier without the biggest kid and also the stress and worry of whether you are doing things right and pleasing oh is definately something you can do without. they say a baby makes or breaks a relationship, i wouldn't actively do anything about it yet, but if he still continues to feel this way after the baby is here it may be better to leave him be.

you could try doing things that you did when you were dating, or just going somewhere you used to go alot and haven't been to for years.

or he may be feeling a tad neglected (not your fault though) as once your pregnant most conversations fall towards the baby. its just a natural thing for mothers to do, i'm only 8 weeks with my 5th and already pressing hubby for name suggestions lol.

i just wish i could meet you for a cuppa and give you a hug xxxx