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18/06/2013 at 09:57
I love my wee man dearly, but i'm at my wits end! yesterday i couldn't put him down for 5 minutes to go to the loo because he kept screaming. I do believe in a bit of controlled crying, i've never wanted him to think that he just needed to wimper and i'd be there to pick him up, but this is proper distressing screaming he does the minute i put him down. He'll be 3 weeks old tomorrow, and i wondered if he was maybe just going through a wee growth spurt? He's a very heavy boy and i'm struggling to hold him for long periods of time because i'm still healing from my section. I just don't know what to do. And to make matters worse, H just seems to leave him with me when he comes home from work in favour of the feckin' housework.
Tell me this is just a wee phase and he'll get better! I can't face another day like yesterday!
18/06/2013 at 10:02
I'm afraid its very normal for a newborn and 3 weeks is still very very young - remember he has been inside you for 9 months, its a bit of a shock to suddenly be away from you - thats why the first few weeks are called the 4th trimester - the time when baby adjusts to having been born.
i would really recommend a sling like a Moby or Close/ caboo so you can get on with things but still have him close to you
18/06/2013 at 10:30
I was going to recommend a sling too but not sure if that would be too much for you with the section. G was very much like this and would only sleep on me. A couple of things you could try - swaddling so he feels more secure. Or when you are holding him, wrap him in a blanket so when you put him down he is still snuggly and warm and the blanket would also smell of you? He might prefer a bouncy chair too as its a little upright rather than putting him down somewhere flat?
It does get easier i promise xx
18/06/2013 at 11:18
Another vote for the sling. I mastered the technique of going to the loo wearing the baby!
It does get easier but at 3 weeks they do just want to be close to you. I think you need to speak to your h though get him to help more if you need him too.
Is there anyone who can come and visit you? It just helps to break the day up and give you someone to talk to.
18/06/2013 at 11:33
It is really hard I agree, not being able to put them down for a moment, and that's without a section recovery to consider. You need to tell your h to stuff the housework though! When h gets home, unless I'm feeding he's with Sam all evening and ill do any very essential bits or have a sleep. I would rather put tea on so h gets some time with his boy, and I can have a little break and a leisurely wee! It is also my best chance to sleep and you need to rest to cope with W in the night and day.
I do keep trying to put him in his pram once asleep as well, it's very hit and miss but if he's deep enough asleep he will continue to sleep in it for an hour sometimes and I can do bits and bobs or have something to eat. Must stress it is more miss than hit though but like the others say he's only very young and obviously needs the comfort of me.
Do you have a bouncer? I've found that brilliant while he's awake in the morning but not hungry. At first he would only go in it for 5 minutes but now he'll have up to 40, I put it on vibrate, play the music and carry it round with me, usually getting a quick shower, breakfast and to put some washing on or whatever, it is definitely worth persevering with it. My friend also bought us a fisher price musical seahorse that he loves, it seems to calm him down when he's tired or gremlin like and plays for 10 minutes so again could be worth a whirl.
It's hard not to stress sometimes because as lovely as it is, it is difficult - much more so than I thought, but it won't be forever and not every day will be like yesterday xx
18/06/2013 at 11:37
Agree with Goldfish. O was the same, it's only now that I'm able to get 30 minutes or so to myself! I gave up trying to put him down to get things done, it just frustrated me when he wouldn't let me. Invest in a sling and embrace the cuddles whilst you can. I know it's frustrating when you need to get out or do something but he's just so used to being with you after so long, it's all he's known. Coming from the mum of a very clingy baby, it does get easier as they get a but more independent.
18/06/2013 at 11:46
First of all, tell your H to F the F-ing housework. Not important.
A sling can be a godsend - he is still very close to you yet you can be hands free. Something stretchy like a moby might be a good idea?
It could also be a growth spurt - in that case, get the pair of you in bed with drinks snacks and entertainment and feed feed feed.
It might also be colic - you could try infacol (though it takes a week to work so keep at it)
I found a swing chair worked wonders - we were given an old one on a stand but it has been worth its weight in gold. It has saved my sanity on a number of occasions with both my LOs.
One thing I will say is that he is still sooooo tiny, he has only just realised that he isn't actually part of you. I know what you're saying about not wanting cuddles with every whimper, but I think 3wks is still a bit early to be thinking about controlled crying, though I know there are points when you will just need to leave them to cry a bit so you can go to the loo!!!
You're doing a GREAT job x
18/06/2013 at 12:06
Also agree it is way too soon IMO for any sort of CC or training. I will stick my hand in Sam's crib to try and calm a little whimper maybe but there is no way I could leave him to full on cry unless it was for a quick wee etc. he's crying because he needs something and cuddles and comfort are important just like food is. I'm also sat here with him asleep on his boob pillow (!) thinking of what I MUST do, but really, these days are so precious and will pass so quickly, I really want to enjoy these amazing, close moments, I won't look back in fondness at keeping on top of the laundry, but I'm sure I will on these gorgeous cuddles with my son!
You are doing great lady, but don't put any pressure on you or him, just put a bit more on your H ;) xx
18/06/2013 at 12:20
WTS, however, you CAN put him down for 5 minutes to go to the loo. He will be fine x
18/06/2013 at 13:01
id just leave the house work and do it between you when you can, when my h used to get in from work id just hand over L for a while so i could get some head space (not so much I as he wasnt that fussed about always being held, but L never wanted to be put down)
he will be fine to be put down whilst you go to the loo/get a drink/snack dont worry
CC isnt reccommended until much older, a newborn baby has to get used to the outside first things will settle down, itl get easier, but for now just go with the flow, forget the housework and tell h to pull his finger out and help you
18/06/2013 at 14:27
I could've written your post myself! We had a BAD day yesterday, I couldn't put S down without proper full on crying either. He slept for about 20 ninutes a time and fed every hour and a half roughly. But the sling saved my sanity. I managed to get him to sleep by going for a walk with it, not a rest exactly but a break from the crying at least. By the time H got home I was exhausted and immediately passed him over. However today is a different day, he slept well last night and is so far today too.
Forget the housework. And definitely buy a sling! Hope he's better today
18/06/2013 at 14:38
All good advice but I will say my H wa the same with the housework and got a bit offended when I had a go at him a in his eyes he was trying to help and take the pressure off me- I wish I'd explained myself a bit more calmly when I was asking him to help with J instead of the house stuff, would have saved a lot of arguments
18/06/2013 at 15:44
You definitely need a sling! Its hands-free cuddles :-)
18/06/2013 at 18:20
Thanks ladies. I don't think i got the definition of CC right. i just meant that i don't jump to him the minute he wimpers. I hate to hear him screaming. I love nothing more than cuddles from him, but i keep thinking what an awful job i'm doing that i can't settle. I'm scared i'm over feeding him.
i want to get a sling, but don't know where to start for one.
18/06/2013 at 18:33
Have you spoken to a HV? P cried a lot in the early days and it turned out she has silent reflux so was always in pain. Is he following his line? That should let you know if you are over feeding.
Its so hard isnt it when they cant tell you whats wrong. Hang in there. You are doing an amazing job xxx
18/06/2013 at 18:35
Where are you RKB? Is there a sling library near you? Or MDer close by who could let you try one out.
18/06/2013 at 18:38
Moby's are awesome for newborns. Highly ghighly recommend them. Have a google. They look tricky to tie but i promise it takes about 2 goes and you can do it super quick with your eyes shut.
P was exactly the same when tiny and would not EVER be put down. I couldn't stand the sound of her cry, it's a natural instinct for us to protect them, and all they want it to be close to you. I promise you can do no long term habit making at all by cuddling a newborn everytime they cry. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.
A sling will save your sanity. A swing chair was also a life saver too. It does get easier. xxxxxxxxxx
18/06/2013 at 18:45
I'm near Glasgow. I've not checked to see about a sling library.
MM I don't know if he's following his line. I dont even have his wee red book from the HV yet even though I've seen her twice.. She's not said anything about his weight being a problem.
18/06/2013 at 21:55
Thats bad about the red book. I was given mine as soon as P was born in the hospital. Has today been any better? X
18/06/2013 at 22:01
RKB, there should be a sling library available to you. I went to one in the west end when R was tiny. That was almost 3 years ago now but assuming that nothing's changed, I think they meet up once a month.
I've only just got rid of my Connecta, typical!
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