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04/04/2013 at 12:03
I'm having a bad day and am struggling again. H will be 4 weeks tomorrow and the nights seem to be getting harder rather than easier. I know it's early days and I know things will get better, but I'm struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. I find I am doubting myself and questioning everything and generally feeling like I'm getting it all wrong. I know I'm not really as he is putting weight on and doing all the things that newborns are supposed to do, and really he's not even that bad at night (which makes me feel even worse for complaining as I know others have it much worse). I went to the GP a couple of weeks ago and she prescribed me anti depressants, but I have been reluctant to take them. It seemed a bit early to be diagnosing pnd and I also wanted to try counselling or such like before taking tablets.
I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, other than my need to let it out. I know it's a bit of a piece of string question, but when will I turn a corner? When is he likely to start spacing out his feeds a bit? Any advice or reassurance, or just a virtual hug and a 'this is normal' would help.
Thanks from a hormonal sleep deprived MrsBx
04/04/2013 at 12:13
Have a huge hug, how often is he feeding? Could you get your h to help with some of the feeds at night so that you can get some rest as lack of sleep can make you feel awful
04/04/2013 at 12:25
Thanks Bailey. He's feeding roughly every 3 hours (although it all went a bit wrong last night and he only just made it 2 hours a couple of times). My H is very good at getting up if he needs changing or holding, but I'm bfing so it's hard for him to do much more. He has had the odd bottle of formula so perhaps we'll try another one tonight.
04/04/2013 at 12:27
If you are happy giving a bit of formula then maybe get your h to do one of those in the night so that you can at least get a block of sleep, I found that having a few hours in a row makes all the difference, or you could always express anything that you have left after feeds in the daytime so that your H can feed it for you
04/04/2013 at 12:50
I can give you lots of hugs, but no advice I'm sorry
04/04/2013 at 12:57
Could you try expressing so that your H could help a little? Perhaps baby is going through a bit of a growth spurt. We FF and generally F would go 3 hours between bottles but on the odd occasion it changed to 1.5-2 hours between feeds. Things did settle back down though. Big hugs x
04/04/2013 at 13:02
I had this too, at exactly the same time, which coincided with my H being offshore! Nights are really hard. We were feeding every 2 hours through the night at one point.
I had my mum stay one night, and what we did was fed him the late night feed, then I went to bed, while my mum stayed in the living room with him, so I wasn't worried about him, and could sleep undisturbed. Then when he needed his next feed she changed him and brought him through. We then all went to bed, but for every feed my mum got up and changed him before it, and winded him after.
Now my H is back he gets up, changes A, then I feed him, H then winds him and puts him back down (or cuddles him until he settles). Would that help at all - it at least makes you feel like you are not doing it all yourself.
If it helps, A is 6 weeks tomorrow and we've had 7 hour sleeps through the night the past 3 days! One long sleep makes a massive difference to how you feel!!
04/04/2013 at 13:06
Huge hugs MrsB. I would definitely go back to your GP and push for some counselling. Do it sooner rather than later; either you'll be able to nip it in the bud, or if you do need antidepressants, you'll know you tried the counselling first and will be able to take the ADs as soon as you need to.
And please remember there's nothing wrong with needing ADs, if you had a broken leg or diabetes you would take medication, and your mental health is just as important as your physical health x
04/04/2013 at 13:34
Mrs B you are not alone! Baby Lg was sleeping for 2/ hours a shot last night but i have to hold her upright for 20 minutes after a feed or she just vomits it all up and needs refeeding. Which meant I was get 20 to 30 minute naps. She was 4 weeks yesterday and her latch seems to have broken so feeding is taking an age as having to keep taking her off to relatch. We are spending the afternoon in bed with the tv.
04/04/2013 at 14:02
Do you know what, what you are feeling is totally normal. The doubting and questioning is, I have discovered, part of being a mum. It did ease as Zoe got older but it's still there now and Zoe is 4. You are going to worry that you are doing the right thing, it shows that you are really good mum and want to make sure you do the best you can ... which of course you will be.
There will be ups and downs, just as you think you are getting to grips with it and understanding your baby they go and change. I remember that at 3 weeks I was starting to feel a bit confident about stuff, by 4 weeks she had changed again and what used to work didn't and it was like having a new baby all over again.
04/04/2013 at 14:17
WJBS with bells on
This. Too. Shall. Pass. Xxxx
04/04/2013 at 14:41
WEES. Newborns are very hard work.
Sleep when you can and if you can do a bottle feed then I probably would to just get a chunk of sleep.
When I was less than 2 weeks old I was in agony with a shoulder injury. H even had to help me express and he managed it when I was virtually asleep so I got a chunk of sleep and in the morning felt so much better.
04/04/2013 at 16:58
Thanks for all your replies ladies, the hugs are much appreciated. I might see if my H can give him a bottle at some point tonight, but last time we tried it H ended up wide awake, I guess because he wasn't getting the same comfort as he does on the breast.
Thanks again Bailey. I'm sure a block of sleep would make a big difference. Will see what tonight holds!
Jem - thanks for the hugs x
WG - thank you. Good to know things are likely to settle back down again.
SC - your mum sounds fab - could she come and visit me??! My H is very good at helping out with nappy changes etc during the night, there's just a limit to what he can do. It does help to know you've had a couple of 7 hours sleeps - that sounds like heaven about now!
Saisi - thanks. I'm not bothered about taking the ADs because of what they are, there just seem to be some quite heavy duty side effects and I just don't want to rush into taking them if I don't need to. Will definitely push for the counselling.
LG - good to know I am not alone, but I am sorry you are suffering too. Fingers crossed they both start to go a bit longer very soon.
JB - yes, I should know this really given that I still feel like this most days over my 4 year old. I just don't remember it being quite this hard, but I've probably blocked these early days out!
Thanks Hep x
Thanks VE. I think perhaps I expect a bit too much of my little man and compare him to where we got to with my first LO. Must remember he is only little and will get there in his own time.
Thanks ladies. I just need to chill out a bit, I'm so useless at going with the flow and find it hard not to worry constantly. I know this will pass, I would just like a timetable!!
Thanks again. MrsB x
04/04/2013 at 21:56
Wees. Just wanted to send you a big hug and hope things get a bit easier soon. Having a chunk if sleep makes a world of difference to how you feel. If we have a broken night I feel wrecked!
Be kind to yourself and give yourself time
04/04/2013 at 22:10
WJBS too! Very wise words.
Did you know, none of us actually know what we are doing? You just get a lot better at blagging it and making it up as you go along. There is no instruction manual for babies, and they change the rules as soon as you think you have them figured out. If you are coping, then you are doing brilliantly. If you aren't then you aren't alone and things WILL improve. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't worry about getting it wrong - it's all part of being a mum.
05/04/2013 at 01:38
Oh no Mrs B, massive hugs coming your way! I know how you feel though, M only sleeps for 2 hours at a time and I get no help at all from my H(he doesn't even change nappies!) I imagine its harder having another LO keeping you busy as well. Some days I feel like we have turned a corner then the next it's beck to square one.
We have started introducing 1 bottle of formula a night to try fill him up a bit so perhaps your H could do that?
05/04/2013 at 07:38
Big hugs to you lovely Mrs B xxx
05/04/2013 at 08:08
Honestly, it is so tough when they're tiny. I underestimated it and it took lots of lovely ladies from here to reassure me that they too found it super hard. BUT it really does get better. 6 weeks was a huge turning point for us. Spend all the time you can snuggling in bed together so you can snooze between feeds, day and night.
My view is that there is no "right" way to do anything with babies and logically therefore there is no "wrong" way either! It will get better, I promise x
05/04/2013 at 09:25
LM - thanks for the hugs. I'm sure you're right, I'm just trying to rush the process and need to chill!
SL - am glad to hear I'm not the only one who doesn't know what they are doing. I suppose I just thought it would seem easier second time round!
Pinky - I know what you mean about feeling like you've turned a corner and then back to square 1. I have to remind myself that he's not a robot and won't necessarily do exactly the same thing each day - grrr, I'm such a control freak!
Lamby - thanks for the hugs lovely lady x
AP - thanks - I think sometime people don't really talk about how hard they are finding it and it feels like everyone else is doing great while I am the only one falling apart! Guess that's just not the case. Glad to hear that 6 weeks was a turning point for you, fingers crossed it is for us too.
Thanks again ladies. It's really good to have the support here. I just need to get better at dealing with things when they go wrong and not stressing out over things. Hopefully some counselling will help.
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