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26/06/2013 at 11:46
Hi Ladies, This is a bit premature as I am not due for 18 weeks yet but was wondering if any of you have no regular family help at all? I wanted to chat to a friend about how they find it but ALL the girls I know with kids have some form of family help at least once a week. My mum has made it quite clear she will not do this and I don't think MIL will either.
Just wondered how people find it? Costs etc? How do you juggle it? Does it make full time work not worth it?
26/06/2013 at 11:56
Depends on the costs of the nursery, vs what you get paid for working. I worked three days a week from when my daughter was a year old. Costs are expensive when they are younger, get cheaper as they get older and qualify for free time. Look into voucher schemes too.
I worked it out and for us it made sense to go back to work - I made more than the nursery cost.
Both our parents work full time sounding them for regular childcare isn't an option, although they are good at babysitting on weekends. I work 3 days a week and A goes to nursery for that time. I work part time out of choice but would financially be better off if I worked FT as nursery offer a good full time discount and my travel would be proportionally cheaper as I could get a season ticket.
I do rely on H to do the morning drop off allowing me to be in the office by 8, I then leave just before 5 to pick him up before 6. If we needed to we could drop him off at 7am but as we don't have to I prefer not to.
Nursery costs £40 per day, we provide nappies and wipes they provide food.
I like him being in nursery, if I'm not happy about something it's easier to have a word with them than it would be my mum or MIL.
26/06/2013 at 11:57
Oh yes, we both claim the maximum we can in childcare vouchers, saves us around £100 a month in tax.
26/06/2013 at 12:04
Prob not what you want to hear but this is the reason I didn't go back to work. If I'd gone back full time I'd only be a couple of hundred quid after paying nursery/travel/tax etc. it's gutting.
26/06/2013 at 12:11
We have no family support at all, it's really difficult tbh. We haven't had a night out since last September , and even that was we had to be back by 11pm.
Child care wise I have moved jobs so I can work full time over 3 days as 4/5 days with the cm was crippling us financially. My h now works 5am-10am on a fri and 9-6 min-thu. I work Monday 9.30-2230, so drop L at breakfast club, he then goes to Pre school till 1145 h uses his 30 min lunch break to pick him up to take him to the cm then h picks him up at 6 that night, Isaac does8.30-6 at the cm
And similar on tue.
Although the cm picks L up at 1145 from school on tues
I then work either a fri/sat or sun when h is at home.
26/06/2013 at 12:14
Meant to say I work these hours as its a full time wage but I'm off 4 days a week. We earn more than the cm fees and use salary sacrifice child care vouchers. In all honesty I'm glad they are at a cm as my mum wouldn't do anything structured all day, it would just be playing/telly etc whereas the cm takes them places and they do messy play and go out on muddy walks etc etc
26/06/2013 at 12:19
My parents live 500 miles away and ILS wither work or are not very interested and also about an hour away, we have no siblings or other family near by. My not going back full time was more driven by my dislike of my job though. I went back 3 days a week but one of those was always a weekend day so I only needed 2 days childcare as H had them at the weekend. We used childminders as they were more local but we went through 3 childminders in 2 yrs as 1 moved away, 1 gave up childminding altogether and one sacked all her part timers to take on full timers. Eventuallly we got a place in the nursery subsidised by H's work and onsite at his office which was great.
I stayed part time after no. 2 with them both at the nursery but am now on a career break after no. 3 as now no. 1 is at school and trying to find childcare when some are in school and others not is just a bit of a logistical nightmare, and H has a new job so we can afford for me to stay at home for a few years.
26/06/2013 at 12:21
I find that the not having family to babysit of an evening is harder than daytime childcare. We hardly ever get to go out in the evening at all anymore.
26/06/2013 at 12:22
Even without family help it would be worth me going back to work, not just the money factor (although that's a huge part of it and we need my wages to pay the bills), but also personally I'm not the sort of person who could be a SAHM and need to work to stay sane - I'm sure he gets so much more out of going to nursery than he would if he stayed home with me every day.
You need to work out how much a nursery would cost compared to what you'll be earning, factoring in the tax you save having child care vouchers if you can get them and any other benefits you may lose by working.
26/06/2013 at 12:34
Our family has never helped with childcare (because of ill health and work reasons) until I came back to work full time after having C, the IL's now collect E from pre-school twice a week and I hate it as I have no control over what they do with her, what they feed her or anything. I'm grateful though as it would have made coming back to work very expensive for the first few months otherwise.
I wasn't going to come back to work after C, but I got offered a better job and decided to take it. i tried to look at the long term rather than the short term, I need something to do in the future when they're both at school and childcare costs will go down as they get older. Things are a bit tight moeny wise at the moment, but they will imrpove in September and then they'll just get better every year.
26/06/2013 at 12:41
We have no family nearby either. G went to cm the 3 days i worked. I am on mat leave till March. Definitely worth me going back as even after cm fees i bring in £1k a month. We pay the cm by salary sacrifice vouchers. We chose a childminder over nursery as they are more flexible if you are late from work. Nurseries charge a small fortune if you are late. Also as CP says even if the parents could have her she would sit in front of the tv all day. Our cm takes her to loads of groups and does lots of activities.
26/06/2013 at 12:48
I also won't have grandparents taking the baby. I earn more after tax than the cost of nursery, so will be going back full time unfortunately. I'd love to work part time, but don't think we can afford to right now. Will just have to hold out until free nursery hours kick in in a few years. We'll also be taking advantage of a childcare voucher scheme at my work. And luckily my mum can take the baby on odd days when he's ill but I need to work.
26/06/2013 at 12:52
H is going to start working 4-day weeks (but longer days so his hours are still full-time) and if work agree then I'll be going back 3 days a week, so that's only 2 days of childcare to pay for. We both get (or will start getting) childcare vouchers.
Even if I went back full time it would still be worth it to work. It won't be with 2, but I don't want to give up work, so we're saving now to cover costs of having 2 in childcare. H could always give up work (we earn the same amount) but we don't personally feel it's worth losing a good permanent job, when they are hard to come by nowadays.
26/06/2013 at 13:09
I have 3 children age 7,4 and 2 and we don't have any family living nearby. I had a year off on ML for each baby and worked part time the rest of the time, with the children in nursery. We don't get any free funding (until they start reception) where we live so it's been a long slog, I've probably paid around 40k on nursery fees, I've never added it up properly to be honest, far too scary!
Like some others have said, what I've found harder was having no babysitters for a night out. I would say OH and I have been out less than a dozen times since we had children (7+ years, works out about 2 nights out together a year!) but this is one area where we save money I guess!!!
I wouldn't manage full time work what with all the other things I need to do, I try and fit them all in on my 2 days off in the week so we can have some nice quality time together as a family at weekends when we are all off.
26/06/2013 at 13:13
It's even further off for us, but I already know that we wont be able to rely on family as they all live overseas. Therefore we will have to use a nursery or CM for whatever days we are both at work. We haven't yet calculated how many days I will be able to work/have at home, but I would ideally like to work 3 days each week, but it may have to be 4.
26/06/2013 at 13:26
There are some really interesting solutions and points here. I am so glad I asked and you all took the time to respond. It's been really helpful. I guess we could look at OH working a weekend day and having one off in the week. It might be viable next year (he is a new business but going really well) I also had not thought of doing full time hours but over less days. That could really work for us as OH is flexible and could do a morning drop while I scooted off to work early. I already start at 8am (my choice as we work flexi time) and I am done by 4ish so could tag on an hour or so each day.
Thanks girls, I really feel like it is doable now. I went into a panic thinking about it last night. And as I say I know of no one else in my situation. I do think that the inlaws and even my parents will cover odd days if I am travelling with work or really desperate so I guess I am lucky that I have that at least. :-)
26/06/2013 at 15:57
L just turned 4 this week and starts school in September when the childcare costs will drastically reduce thank goodness. He has been going to nursery 4 days a week since he was 6 months old as both my family and H's family live 300 miles away from us (in opposite directions). It IS expensive, but fortunately I am lucky enough to work in the banking industry and my bonuses have covered it. If they didn't I don't know what we would have done - as if I don't work, we can't pay the bills. This is the main factor in L being an only child.
To be honest, I miss not having family closer for evenings/weekend days than day to day. Sometimes H and I would love to go to things in the evening or have a day out somewhere "grown up" but by the time we factor in the cost of a babysitter at £7+ an hour it doesn't always seem so attractive. Saying that though, my parents have come to us a couple of times for the weekend to have him overnight (for a no children wedding a fair distance away and a concert abroad).
26/06/2013 at 16:12
I'm a SAHM, which is what we'd planned for for the last few years, but if I was to return to work part time the sums just wouldn't add up. My mum works and certainly wouldn't offer to have F for a few hours so that I could work, not that I'd expect her to anyway. Every once in a while a family member may babysit so that H and I can have a few hours out but that's the only help we get.
26/06/2013 at 17:01
I'm a SAHM by choice, which s especially good now #2 will be here soon. I do have family etc near me. One of the NCT couples doesn't, and I have happily babysat for them a couple of times so they can have a night out. They've never asked - I just offered as I realised they hadn't been out together for almost a year after their son was born.
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