Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
23/08/2013 at 15:51
Thank you everybody so much I think you've all said pretty much exactly what I was thinking but with added advice so I really appreciate it. Will definitely look into the things mentioned.
My mum and dad don't think I will be moving in with him but they haven't done anything because they're happy to wait for my brother to do something about his things and they've been busy with other things.
With regards to his wife, I know they had split up, and she was in a new relationship or I never would have got together with him. I don't know why she moved back. We were spending 4 nights a week together and the other three he had his son then there were a couple of weeks I hardly saw him and he said she'd moved back. As they both still owned the house she had as much right to live there as he did as nothing official had been sorted. That was in April and I remember posting a very confused bfp. If I hadn't been pregnant I think in all honesty I would have ended things then at least until he got his act together. She doesn't know about me, she's not the nicest person in the world (we have met a few times before).
I think this is doubly hard because he was my best friend for so long before we got together and in the past he's always been there for me but the last few months he really hasn't come through at all. He says he wants me and baby but there's always an excuse for not doing anything.
I really appreciate all the advice you've given me. I'm just hurting so much at the moment I'm struggling to think straight. Doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping and work are being awful and I just feel like I have too much to face all at once.
23/08/2013 at 16:58
Hope all is ok!
23/08/2013 at 19:21
What a cliff hanger! Hope everything is ok.
23/08/2013 at 22:59
Sorry just a bit of a tough time. Then i got home to a house full of people and not made it to the laptop yet. Will repost in the morning
23/08/2013 at 23:00
Hope you're ok Jem
24/08/2013 at 09:18
Thanks hattrick. Physically I'm ok, just an emotional one!
24/08/2013 at 09:52
Big hugs Jem xxx
24/08/2013 at 09:59
Jem, I'm sorry you are going through this, I hope you manage to work out a solution that suits you and baby. Remember you two are the most important things in your life and must come first xx
24/08/2013 at 10:21
So sorry you are going through this Jem. I know how you feel just wanting the three of you to be together, my OH left when my LO was two months old and tbh I wish everyday we were a family even though a lot of things are easier without him!
I hope you get things sorted. Only you know what is best for you and your baby. Take care x
24/08/2013 at 12:39
Really sorry your going through this, i dont think you OH has been honest with you at all and doesn't sound like a relationship. Try talking to your parents about the bedroom. I think it would be unwise to pin your hopes on your OH when he's been so unreliable. Your main priorities are you and your baby right now, maybe go to the CAB and see what they can do, your council should beable to house you pretty quickly and local charities may be able to help aswell. Where abouts in the country are you? Maybe some mumdrummers can help?
24/08/2013 at 13:11
Sorry to hear that your going through this, You have had good advice given :)
Sending some hugs :)
24/08/2013 at 14:40
Wow, I'm not really sure where to start.
Firstly I spologise if I come across a bit harsh, it's not intended but I'm not sure just telling you I hope it all works out is really enough.
Does his wife know about your baby? if so how has she dealt with it?
This is far from a normal situation, I couldn't imagine only communicating by e-mail if my H (even before we lived together) was admitted to hospital. Is that normal for your relationship? Not allowed to be friends with him on fb? you're having his child ffs. As for the holiday, that would be a deal breaker for me, not only the fact he went but he lied about it to you.
I understand he is ill (I'm sorry, I can't remember all the details but recall it being quite serious?) but it seems he is taking the pee having both you and his wife - he needs to decide once and for all which of you he wants to be with. Ill or not he's a grown man and has to live with the consequences of his actions and decisions.
I can see how if your parents think how you are moving in with him that they may not need to clear the extra rooms.
Honestly, if I were you I'd start thinking about making plans for you and baby alone, whether that is living with your parents or somewhere else (as someone else said, you may be entitled to state help with housing).
As I said I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I really can't see the situation getting any better based on what you've said, so I think you need to start making alternative arrangements. It may be enough to shock him into manning up, and if not, well you're in the same situation but perhaps better prepared for it.
24/08/2013 at 15:30
I agree with what BG said, plus wanted to add babies are very demanding and can put a strain on the healthiest of marriages / relationships. Trying to deal with your scenario once baby arrives sounds like a recipe for stress at the very least.
I say cut your losses and plan for it to be you+baby. A lot easier said than done however. We are all here when you need to rant etc :-)
With the parent / brother room clearing situation - propose a weekend (deadline?) where everyone is free to tackle the stuff and gear them up all week, saying you will make tea, whilst they move xyz to garage / bro house etc.
24/08/2013 at 15:33
I have to agree with BG, you need to put yourself and baby first. You really don't seem like a priority in his life when he's lying about his holiday and the limited contact you've had with him. Is he divorced from his wife or separated as it just looks weird that he's playing the happy family with his ex in his cover photo. You do need answers but I'd be preparing for just you and baby. Big hugs lovely as you're in a tough situation xx
24/08/2013 at 15:44
I'm another that agrees with BG.
I'd be planning ahead that its just you and baby. Contact the council/housing association as you are technically homeless. There will be a local Woman's Aid or similar who could help you with baby equipment.
Again, I hope that's not to harsh but I think once you start being more in control you can start straightening out your head.
You are in a horrible situation and I really hope it works out for you xx
24/08/2013 at 16:29
I hate to say this but you need to cut all ties with him. To me, someone who isn't involved, he sound like a total 'end of a bell!' I honestly believe he's playing happy families with his (ex?) wife and kid and taking you for a ride. You either need to tell your parents you need help getting things sorted or you need to visit your local council to see if they can help.
I'm sorry to say this and I'll be here for all the handholding but I feel that first you need to read the OP and pretend it was someone else that said it and think about what you would tell them to do x
24/08/2013 at 16:34
What an awful situation for you, I really, really feel for you Jem and think you probably already know - and agree with what people have said. It's such a shame that that is how it is and I can understand that of course you want things to be different and can't just cut off your feelings for him but from what you've described, I'd be quite surprised if this house he has spoken on even exists. His lack of contact, support, financial help and the fact of course that he is still living with his wife speak volumes.
Again, I'm really sorry, hugs.
On a brief practical note, there are fb groups giving free baby stuff in most areas so definitely worth joining plus think net mums have the same.
Thinking of you and baby - just make sure you put yourselves first x
24/08/2013 at 17:14
BG has said what I was trying to say much better than I did.
24/08/2013 at 17:17
Also, JRJ - Am really sorry to hear about your OH, I hope you are as ok as can be, sounds like you are managing brilliantly x
24/08/2013 at 19:53
I've edited the OP now.
JRJ sorry to hear your news, hope you're ok
BG you don't sound harsh at all, you've just put into words so much of what was already in my head.
HF my brother is never ever free for anything, his fiancee has him run ragged!
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