Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
18/02/2014 at 09:53
Am I alone in having totally irrational and generally unpreventable fears?
I keep picturing myself dropping the baby - ie after birth they reach baby to me and I am so tired I cant hold on and drop them. Or when we are home, I am trying to do too many things at once and drop them.
Is this a standard fear for a first time mum or am should I be concerned about these kinda of thoughts?
I also have too many fears to list about birth - horrific HSG experience plus many friends with bad birthing experiences. One had a perfect pregnancy yet a horror birth and as a result a very disabled youngster and they are both unable to work. Another's baby got stuck, they had to break his shoulder to get him out, she was ripped from front to back and he had to go to London for repair for several years after (from NI so quite an ordeal).
An epidural means a catheter which is what mess up my HSG so badly (tilted cervix) Yes ok they know that now but that doesnt take the pain memory or fear away from me.
Am I alone? To be honest, I know there is nothing anyone can say to take any of these fears away from me but I am just wondering if anyone else feels the same or if I need to raise this with my midwife. I started crying with my consultant last week and she asked about my moods - I said they were fine which generally they are but Ive been through a lot these past few months and sometimes it all just seems too much. I try to not to think about it but then it sometimes just gripps me if that makes sense.
18/02/2014 at 10:20
I'm not sure I can stop you feeling like this, but I think your fears seem justified. I had to have an epidural with k, unplanned as she got stuck and they had to use forceps and cut me. We were in Theatre in case they needed to do a c section, which they didn't. As unplanned and unexpected the labour experience was it was still a very positive experience. Not all labours are bad or stressful. There were a couple of women on our antenatal classes who were petrified of giving birth, but found the classes helped them by discussing options for pain relief, delivery etc and they felt more in control. One did hypnobirthing and said it helped her relax a lot. I would tell your midwife, I should think she has dealt with this lots before.
18/02/2014 at 10:26
No experience on the once baby is here front but the labour and birth I can. I built up in my head what happened badly to friends would happen to me etc. until someone said to me that people love to share their bad stories but not the good ones! Then I realised that I probably knew equal the amount of people that had good births as well as bad but is only focused on the bad ones. I think they sound like normal first fears, just because your friends had that happen it doesn't mean you will (that is the hardest thing I found to stop thinking about). An epidural doesn't always mean a catheter, in my hospital you can have partial epidurals so you can still get around and wee normally (might be worth discussing with your midwife what they do at your hospital).
18/02/2014 at 10:27
Cross posted with bunny but agree with what she said. I did hypnobirthing which did help me feel more positive about labour
18/02/2014 at 10:59
I have lots of fears about birth and my past health issues etc etc. However I do believe a positive mind helps big time. I am very much excited about going into labour now, even though I'm scared I believe that you have to go in with a totally open mind and think what will be will be. You just have to try your best to get that baby out, sometimes complications arise and there is absolutely nothing you can do. And it gets taken out your hands but to know you gave it your best shot I think accounts for a lot
That's how I am going into it anyway, I've done hypnobirthing, it may be worth you buying the book and having a read, its quite interesting
18/02/2014 at 11:17
It is normal to feel like this, especially if there are people you know in RL who have had bad birthing experiences. Definitely talk this through with your MW as they will have dealt with other pregnant ladies in the same situation, and talk here as well. Look up positive birth stories too so you don't always focus on the bad ones. Big hugs lovely xxx
18/02/2014 at 12:08
Thanks folks, I'll have a look for a hypnobirthing book.
Did anyone else have this fear of dropping the baby? Im not a clumsy person at all so I dont know why this is in my head!
18/02/2014 at 12:18
Yep, but once baby is here, you're so careful with them that you won't. Xx
18/02/2014 at 12:33
I think fears are 100% normal and agree that everyone loves to share a bad story but that you don't get to hear the good ones as much. For me, it really helped to be informed about all the options and discuss them with my H so I knew that when the time came, I was fully aware of what was happening and my wishes and H was too (this was important for me to know that we were covered from all angles!) Similarly I know some people prefer not to know anything and be led by the professionals so I guess it depends on which is more reassuring for you!
Also just to add, I was terrified of dropping my baby - still am- I'm a clumsy thing! I remember reading somewhere it's quite a normal fear - but they are so tiny and precious you honestly will be so careful that I'm sure you'll be fine!
18/02/2014 at 13:03
Bad dreams and worries about dropping baby etc during pregnancy are all your bodies way of "teaching" you to be careful with baby once they are here. Trust us, you wont drop the baby
Birthing fears - fear of the unknown is very real. Remember woman have been giving birth for thousands of years and you body is perfectly designed to do it (to continue our species!) . Being relaxed is important and I think becoming as knowledgeable as possible about everything involved would help you understand and therefore relax.
Everyone has a birth " horror story" they like to trot out when they discover you are pregnant. Ask them for positive things too!
18/02/2014 at 14:40
Thanks for the replies ladies.
Horsefan thats actually a really positive way of looking at my dropping fear! Thanks for that :)
18/02/2014 at 15:11
I sort of know how you feel... I was convinced a baby would not fit through there and get out. TMI - I would often experience pain when DTD and figured if a willy caused me issues there was no way a baby was gonna get out!!
He did get out, and actually nowhere NEAR as painful as I thought, I still don't know how I did it.
I had phases of being extremely worried and anxious and then phases where I'd think... well... it's too late now, he's in there and he's going to come out one way or the other so no point dwelling on it.
I did mention it to my MW but she just said he would come out and I didn't feel particularly reassured by that. She was right though.
It's funny looking back on it... I never gave BFing a second thought and just assumed it would be fine, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I worried loads about lack of sleep, but actually coped with it remarkably well. I used to NEED 8 or 9 hours a night, and slept well throughout pregnancy and then he was born and some nights would wake every hour but I still managed to cope and usually had a shower every morning too. I didn't find it too bad.
18/02/2014 at 15:15
Oh but in hospital I was near delirious from lack of sleep (waters broke 2 days before he was born) and I remember holding him while sitting in a chair to feed him and just falling asleep in 10-second bursts. So dangerous and I wish I'd just fed him lying down or something. I never dropped him or came close to it though. It's instinct. I don't believe it's common for mothers to just drop babies, no matter how tired you get, something kicks in. We've coslept for a while now, and although he's bigger now and I don't wake for his every shuffle any more, I used to.
18/02/2014 at 18:08
Saisi I hope I have a similar experience to you! Funny I am not worried about breast feeding either!
Just need to read up with OH I guess ..
18/02/2014 at 19:08
Lots of good advice here on the labour/birth fears so just to add that I was petrified of hitting S's head the door whenever I walked through one, or the door frame. I was so terrified that my stomach would physically lurch every time I walked through one! I completely sympathise. FWIW ive never once bashed him against one! HF is spot on, it's just us being made aware of adjustments we need to make so that we don't drop our babies or whack them against door frames!
19/02/2014 at 19:44
Thanks for that popcorn - I keep telling myself it's silly to worry about something that might never happen but as you say when you physically fear it that's makes it harder to forget! X
20/02/2014 at 09:17
No one can really take those fears away, and I can see why you have them, but just remember for all the negative births, there are positives too. My sister was terrified about birth after a rather awful pregnancy, and in the end, yes it was blooming painful for her (I know as I was her birthing partner) but it was ok. Everyone did what was needed and he arrived safely and she then had painkillers of a good kind to help ease the pain for during stitches etc. it's easy for us to say don't worry, but remember why you are doing it, you will have your baby after what is a relatively small time of pain. Please do talk to your medical team though, they may know some relaxation techniques or other things that can help in your situation.
20/02/2014 at 09:37
I think it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do, I certainly did when pregnant with Molly and the funny dreams have already begun this time. I think Horsefan is right though and it is your subconcious mind, it is normal to have all these fears. I was so scared I was going to be in labour for hours that when she was born and handed to me my first words were "is that it!? as in, am I done! I find reading up on things and planning in my mind how I am going to cope helps me, I don't like the unknown (which can obviously happen) but find if I come up with a "plan" and stick to that where I can it helps me.
It does get easier sasasi, I don't worry about it any more I can't remember when I relaxed about it? It just sort of went away x
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