Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
22/07/2013 at 10:33
Morning all,This is something that has been bothering me for a while. We get the question so often, are you planning on having another? Or, A would like a baby brother or sister. The thing is, I just don't feel ready and I 100% know that for sure. However, I feel really sad that this is the case. I feel bad and guilty, as though there is something wrong with me. So many of my friends and people I know who had their first child around the same time as us or even more recently are now pregnant again with their second baby. What's wrong with me? I don't think H is ready either. We are both so exhausted all the time, disorganised and both a bit down at the moment. I do feel broody when I see little babies, emotional even! I fussed over a little 8 month old at a wedding the other day, she was such a cutie and I just wanted to squeeze her! But I just worry that I sometimes struggle as it is and can't imagine having two. I feel so sad :-(
22/07/2013 at 10:39
i cant sat i know how you feel because i'm pregnant with my first so i dont...BUT i dont want any more and people keep telling me "ohg you might change you mind when she's here". no i'm sorry. i wont. i dont want more than one child. i never have and i never will. i told hubs before we even got engaged that if he did...he was with the wrong person & he should leave there and then because i would neever give him what he wanted. when i see babies i feel nothing. i am not maternal...i want one of my own to love and care for but other peoples babies do nothing for me.
SO i dont think there is anything wrong with you at all. i wouldnt let it make you sad. focus on what you have not what you dont want :)
22/07/2013 at 10:49
I didn't want another after C (and this will sound bad, but I never even wanted C. I disliked babies and children, and had no desire to ever have my own)
If people asked when I was having another, I told them it was none of their business.
As it was, C was 7.5 when I had another. I got hit with the broody stick, after having a mc, after an unplanned pregnancy.
Nothing wrong with only wanting one.
22/07/2013 at 15:27
I worry that if we are ready in the future I'll be too old! I'm 32 now and feel exhausted! :-) I have no get up and go at the moment.
22/07/2013 at 15:42
I have only just had my first and when I say to people that's it no more they don't believe me or tell me I will change my mind.. .. Don't feel down about it.. Do what's right for you and your family... And tell others to mind their own!
22/07/2013 at 15:59
I wasn't ready for my second until my eldest was 4 and left nursery to start school full time. We have a 5yr 3m age gap and it couldn't of worked out better for us, it was the perfect age gap.
22/07/2013 at 17:10
I only have one and am now definitely not having another one. Don't feel bad about not feeling ready, or thinking you don't want to have another one at all. At 32 you've got plenty of time to think about it. You do it when you and your H are ready not when anyone tells you you should or thinks you should. There's no 'right' time to do it.
I have friends who were definite about when they wanted a second when the first was a newborn, others have taken much longer to make a decision. Some, like me, have decided to stop at one. Take your time and don't feel pressured into it.
22/07/2013 at 18:35
Aaaah, thank you everyone. I really appreciate all your responses....much appreciated.
22/07/2013 at 20:22
I am one who was on the tri threads with you who now has 2. I was as adamant that I wanted 2 and quickly as I have just turned 39. If you are not ready then you are doing the right thing. Bettr that than get pregnant and regret it.
Time is on your side if you do decide to go for it. Just enjoy what you have and tell people to sod off!
22/07/2013 at 21:28
I get it all the time too and O is only 15 months! I honestly think it's almost one of those autopilot questions, like after you marry and everyone is asking about babies iyswim
Don't feel bad about not being ready. You and H are the best judges. If you decide on more, then know 32 is young still (my Sil had twins at 38, 10.5yrs after their big sister!)..I get broody too and flit between wanting another soon and wanting a bigger gap...this makes me know I'm not ready! If you decide on a 1 and only then nothing wrong either...we all have different ideals and realities x
22/07/2013 at 22:02
Just go with what's right for you. We always said 2, with a 2 yr gap ( will be 2yr 3m) so that's what we have done. Yes, we have friends who have done similar, but equally friends who are stopping at 1 for all kinds of reasons (health/age/finances/only child themselves). At the end of the day, you and you H know what you want so don't let anyone dictate to you. Also, I think if you have 2 then people either assume you're done, or start asking about a 3rd. TTC and having babies are such a private and personal thing and yet everyone seems to have (and give!) their opinions.
23/07/2013 at 11:28
I think it's not just pressure from other people, I feel annoyed and disappointed in myself for not being ready for a second yet. Ideally, I would have liked to have been ready and it would be lovely for A to have a brother or sister. I know we are not ready in ourselves most importantly but also financially it is not the right time for us. I seem to have an underlying sad feeling about it a lot of the time. We felt pressured into having our first child for years but waited until we were ready.
Thank you everyone so much for your replies, I really do appreciate them! :-)
23/07/2013 at 11:36
I have one, 2.5 years old, and the thought of having another terrifies me. My H would like another but says ultimately it's my decision. I feel guilty for my little girl as I so want her to have a sibling but just don't know if I can do it. You are not alone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having/wanting a one and only. Don't beat yourself up, it's not necessary
23/07/2013 at 11:59
Thank you Hollywood, I'm sorry you're feeling like this too. x
A is 2 years 2 months, gorgeous but an absolute handful at times! Currently, I just can't imagine being pregnant and looking after A or having a baby as well as A to look after. :-)
23/07/2013 at 13:33
So wait until you feel more ready. My friend has a four year age gap between her two and its nice because she has time with the second child while the older one is at school, and the older one had lots of time on her own with mum and dad when she was little. They get on together mostly and are gradually playing together a bit more - the younger one is 2 and a half so not quite old enough to join in properly.
A two year old is very demanding and hard work. As A gets older the demands on your time will change and then you might see that you can manage a child and a baby. Or you may decide that you don't want to anyway. Whichever way, take your time. People will ask you just because its one of those things they do ask. Mostly they don't really care one way or the other, they're just making conversation.
And better to be feeling financially more comfortable than being pregnant and worrying about how you are going to manage the money.
It took one of my friends nearly 4 years to make up her mind to have another one. She was terribly ill with morning sickness throughout and just couldn't face doing it again. She ummed and ahhhed for several years while lots of others had second ones. And probably it was as her older child became more independent that she realised she could manage it. She did have another baby, was able to have drugs for the morning sickness, and now has two daughters with a age gap of 5 years. Its what is right for them. Not what anyone else thinks.
23/07/2013 at 15:47
I have a 4 year 2 month age gap which is perfect for us. I definitely couldn't have managed with less than 3 years.
I'm not a naturally broody type. I knew I wanted 2 of my own but am not bothered by anyone else's. I obviously adore mine but it most ways I hate newborn days a s would gladly fast forward 6 months.
Am I right in thinking you had a tough time or was that someone else? I wasn't emotionally ready to go through the pregnancy roller coaster for a long time after sammy- much like Hollywood
23/07/2013 at 16:01
My circumstances were different but for a long time after having Jude I didn't want any more, it's only know that it feels like a good time and there'll be a 4.5y age gap, I like that I'll mostly only have one child to deal with at once lol
23/07/2013 at 17:17
WH -I know exactly what you mean about first 6mnths bit. Roll on Feb 2014!!
24/07/2013 at 10:46
There's no shame in it - having two babies is HARD WORK. I should know, I have 2 under 2 . O was, ahem, a surprise package, and tbh, I only felt 'ready' for him just before he arrived. In fact sometimes I still think to myself WTF have we done?!?
I guess my situation is slightly different in that I just had to get used to my situation - only go for it when you feel ready, you still have time on your side.
24/07/2013 at 11:51
I am pregnant with my first at 37, so please don't think that you are running out of time. I think you are thinking extremely rationally and you should be proud of yourself for making the right decision for you and your family. I can only imagine how tired you may feel, but that makes the decision you have made even better as you can focus the energy you do have on your child. Please don't beat yourself up about not being ready for no 2 as there is no right or wrong time x
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