Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
10/04/2014 at 10:16
My sister has PCOS And was told it was unlikely that she'd conceive naturally (there's also an issue with her husbands sperm) but it turns out that she was already pregnant when she was told that news & we were pregnant at the same time having our babies within a week of each other. They're not really in a position to have another (financially or emotionally I don't think) & they've said they're not trying but then she said she had a mc a few days before we conceived this baby. I don't think she'd done a pregnancy test but had all the symptoms then the following day had a big bleed. She was upset talking about it & seemed to say it as a positive thing that at least she knew she could pregnant. I wanted to wait till our 12 week scan to tell my family (my mum knows), which is on Monday. My mum just text t say they'd had a big talk a few nights ago about everything & my sister is coping well with the birth of my sil's baby girl a few weeks ago.
I don't want to make a big fuss with this baby but obviously will be sharing our news when we see them when we visit next week (we live 150 miles away so don't see them all the time). Not as if I can hide it. I'm not particularly close to my sister at the moment & I have trouble reading her. She had a lot of anger issues when younger & still flies off the handle or gets upset really easily. Any advice on what to say when breaking the news of my pregnancy would be helpful.
(sorry for the waffle - think I just needed to clear my head). Also apologises if I don't get back to this thread until this afternoon as we're now heading out & I don't have a smart phone x
10/04/2014 at 10:19
I preferred to be told by email or text, it's hard being told face to face tbh
10/04/2014 at 10:49
I preferred being told by text or email too. Or over the phone. When my SIL called me to tell me she was pregnant, I cried for 20 mins in the car park of Sainsburys. I don't know if I could have held it together in front of her.
At the same time, I didn't want people to NOT tell me if that makes sense. One of the girls at work knew about my mc and didn't tell me when she was pregnant. In fact, it was never ever mentioned to me and then she went on maternity leave - she didn't really speak to me at all in that time, which made me feel a bit ***.
10/04/2014 at 10:50
Could your mum tell her so she has a chance to process the news before she sees you? Or email/text as suggested by TRF? I think telling her in advance is a good plan so she can react privately in her own way.
10/04/2014 at 11:26
I agree the phone's easier, you can have a little cry afterwards without feeling guilty that your upset about someone else's happy news. A friend told me face to face that she'd fallen pregnant by accident a few moths after my 3rd MC, although I was happy for her I was also gutted and spent the whole night running off to cry in loo. If she'd told me in advance I could have had my little cry and been fine when I saw her next. X
10/04/2014 at 11:33
At the time I was miscarrying my SIL was having an abortion and she attempted - in a ham-fisted way - to hide it. I really wanted to know as it felt awkward it being a secret, but hearing it from someone else (her mum as it happened) was way easier than if she'd told me in person.
10/04/2014 at 16:07
I hadn't thought about texting to pre-empt my news. Think I'll do that after I've got the all clear from my scan. & thank you ladies for sharing your experiences I'm sure it must be painful x
10/04/2014 at 16:30
I just wanted to say I agree with the others, I would have much preferred a text or email first. Then I'd have time to process it before having to face the person.
15/04/2014 at 15:09
Thanks again ladies, tonight is the the night I'm gonna text my sister & I don't think I've been more nervous of something that was in my control. Do you think text is better than a quick phone call? I'll then see her on Thurs or Frid. Thanks again x
15/04/2014 at 15:15
Late to thisfirst time around but def a text so she can deal with it in her own way and not puton the spo..I would prefer a text than a phone call..coukd always add phone me when your free.. :)
15/04/2014 at 15:17
Thanks CC, x
15/04/2014 at 15:20
Yw :) I had someone fb me to tell me before she put it on fb which was nice I had time to deal with it and come up witha response instead of shock over the phone etc :)
15/04/2014 at 15:28
Yes I've got a few others to text before I post on Sunday but with my sister it feels really important that I get it right x
16/04/2014 at 07:04
How did it go with your sister BK? X
16/04/2014 at 16:30
I wrote a long 4 message text & waited for the all clear for my mum to leave (the rest of my family meet up every Tues but we live 150 miles away so we skype) but haven't heard anything. I sent another text at lunchtime but don't want to pester her. Not sure if I should ring her tonight or if I should get my mum to do it as if she's upset she probably won't want to talk to me. It's so hard to know what to do for the best.
Thanks for thinking of me x
16/04/2014 at 17:29
Just got a text from my mum to say that my sister had text her this morning to say that she was too emotional to go to work. I feel awful. Trying to justify it in my head that my sister's (possible) mc - she never did a test - was when they weren't trying & that we'd been taking every vitamin, supplement, food & drink that we possibly could to help aid getting pregnant so this is a very much planned for baby. But then I realise that's a very selfish way for me to look at it. I feel really upset that I've upset her. but on the other hand I don't want it to spoil my birthday weekend of telling me. But then I feel like a real for even thinking that, even if my sister is very over dramatic & has a tendency to ruin a lot of family occasions by overacting to things it must be a horrible thing to go through & having a 4 week old niece & a pregnant sister probably doesn't help at all. Hope she'll be ok but I hate not knowing what to do for the best. Sorry for the whine
16/04/2014 at 19:18
Sorry to hear she's not taken it well at all.. How did she know she was pregnant if she didn't do a test? I wouldn't feel like a cow..:) Hopefully she will come around by the weekend.
Happy birthday for the weekend btw!
16/04/2014 at 19:21
Hi BK, sorry your sister took it so badly. I know it's hard for you and you probably feel in an awful position, between sadness for her and happiness for yourself.
I have been where your sister is, I have also been where you are. So I know it's not nice.?
She will, with time, come around. I'm sure of it. You've done the right thing for now and I think you have to just give her a little space. Maybe give her a few days to digest it and then give her a call. Be lead by her though, she might not want to talk about the baby yet, she might not be able to congratulate you yet. I felt at times like the words were stuck in my throat and no matter how much I wanted to say them I just couldn't spit them out.
Another thing, look after yourself and try not to stress about it too much. You and baby are the most important things here and worrying toouch won't help you.
16/04/2014 at 19:50
16/04/2014 at 20:05
Oh I am so sorry. You have done all you can. You have been thoughtful and caring. Please give yourself a break.
You aren't responsible for your sister's happiness, and you can't spend your life feeling guilty because of the differences between your lot and someone else's. Just as your sister is entitled to feel upset at your news, you are entitled to feel happy about it.
She probably needs some time. But if not, there really is nothing you can do. I know it's hard to put to one side but try not to let it play on your mind too much x
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