Pregnancy & Birth Clubs <
02/10/2013 at 21:37
I used to frequent this site regularly and received lots of fantastic advice with both of my 2 gorgeous daughters back in the day of Hitched. My little girls are 3 & 5 now so I havn't been on here for about 3 years now so please forgive me for jumping in now. Thing is I don't know where to turn for advice right now or for someone to just tell me how I should be feeling.
Bit of background, after the birth of my 2nd little girl we made the decision that our family is now complete and we did not want to try for any more children a decision I have always been very happy with, I love our family unit that we have been blessed with and have got to a stage where my youngest will start school next year and we are in a really good place. A year ago it wasnt so good, my husband and I hit a really bad patch and i really thought it was over, with the help of counselling we are out the other end much stronger and I know this is for keeps and we both appreciate what w could have lost. Any way because things where bad there was no intamacy so I came off the implant as there was no need for contraception so we decided to give my body time without using anything to see if this would help with my mind set, anyway to cut a long story short 8 weeks ago we turned a massive corner and slept together for the 1st time in over a year. Completely irresponsible i know so the next day I took morning after pill and went straight back on to the contraceptive pill.
Everything has been perfect since hubby and I have been getting on amazingly until this last week I have been feeling so nauseas, I didn't expect to be pregnant at all as it has only happend the once and I took the morning after pill straight away. I took a test earlier this evening to rule pregnancy to out to be honest and was totally shocled to get a bfp instantly. I don't know how im feeling right now, im in shock. Hubby says he is behind me 100% but so many things are going around my head,im also worried to start thinking about wanting this baby incase I have harmed it in any way from the morning after pill and then continued use of contraceptive pill. My brother and his wife lost a little girl last year at 24 hours old to CDH so I feel so awful that this could happen to me why couldnt it happen to them who want a baby so much and heres me even contemplating not keeping one. Im so sad and cant stop crying I just dont know what to do I keep going from thinking how lovely it would be to have another baby but im 37 this month and worry am I just asking for trouble contemplating going back to sleepless nights and nappies now. Will it ruin our well balanced unit, will it effect my gorgeous girls that i am so lucky to have been blessed with, why I am even thiinking like this im feel like im being so selfish and need help.
Im so sorry for posting here, I know I'm so lucky I have friends who struggle to conveive and that makes me feel even more guilt that I can be caught like this and even consider not going ahead. Ive never ever entertained the thought of a termination ever and never thought i would find myself in this positiion and it hurts me so much as I know if i did I dont think i could emotionally deal with it further down the line. Sorry for waffling on and I am really sorry if this post upsets anyone in anyway that really was not my intention, Im just stuck and need any advice at all I guess im kind of looking for a realistic view of life with 3 young ones or any advice really to bring me out of this shock. TIA x
02/10/2013 at 22:01
Hello m'dear. Didn't want to not reply but I've not been in your shoes and it's hard to fully understand how you're feeling.
I think first and foremost it's important to recognise that there is no guilt attached to falling pregnant quickly or accidentally. Your pregnancy does not deprive another person of theirs. You've nothing at all to feel guilt for.
I'm glad you are happier now, both of you. It sounds like things have been very tough and you're coming out the other side. Well done!
If you don't see how having another baby can work for the 4 of you, you simply don't have to do it. I know you say you can't deal with it emotionally but people do, with the right support and tools. I think, if you can, it would be good to keep a completely open mind whilst you think things through.
It's going to be very difficult to make a quick decision and you must be feeling bewildered. Have you talked to a friend or sibling for a slightly more impartial point of view? Even better, I would say, is if you could speak with a counsellor. They can't advise you at all, obviously, but they will support you, listen to you and help you to explore your feelings and fears which would help you to understand things better and feel a little clearer and logical.
I know you'll get lots of support here, so do keep posting x
02/10/2013 at 22:11
Thank you so much Counter, I can't help but feel guilt. My brother and his wife deserve this so much and here I am in this situation. I've spoken to my mum this evening and she has been amazing I couldn't ask for more and hubby of course but he is as shocked as me. I will speak to my doctor tomorrow as my biggest concern is the risks involved in a pregnancy after the morrning after pill so until then I'm not in any fit state to even think about what to do. I guessi'm scared of wanting this baby now incase something happens because of the morning after pill, I'm scared of hubby and I getting back in that "bad place" our relationship took a turn towards and not being able to get back out again with the stresses of a new born. I just want someone to tell me what to do and I know that can't happen, i'm scared of making a decision one way or the other and regretting it further down the line and i'm hating myself for being so selfish as to be in this situation so many others would dream to be in.
02/10/2013 at 22:22
Hi please firstly dont feel bad. I am 9 weeks pg and this also was a shock I was very upset at first as I just had a promotion at work my boy is still only 15 months and we were not ready for another ...however we decided that for us it was the right to go ahead so here I am finally getting excited ....please dont feel alone in this you will have support what ever you decide to do x x x hugs x x x
02/10/2013 at 22:25
02/10/2013 at 22:27
Thanks Agentblackcat and congratulations, I really hope I can get in that place. Heres hoping tomorrow will be a bit clearer x
02/10/2013 at 22:59
Don't panic or worry about making a decision yet. You've still time on your side. One of my eldest's friends is the result of a drunken night followed by the morning after pill and contraceptive pill and she's as bright and healthy as a child could be. It sounds like your relationship is back on track, so maybe this baby could well cement that as after all he/she is a sign that things have improved. An unplanned pregnancy will be a shock to anyone, let alone when you've taken steps to actively prevent it, so don't feel bad that at the moment you're unsure about what to do. Whatever you decide will in the long run be right for you and your family. x
03/10/2013 at 07:09
Not got any advice on the pill but just wanted to say don't rush yourself into making a decision, let it sink in first xx
03/10/2013 at 08:27
Thanks Little Welsh one that is really reassuring :) and thanks for the reply bump envy and don't worry i won't. This is possibly the biggest decision hubby and I will ever have to makeand I can't rush I need to look at all aspects of it. 1st thing 1st Im calling the docs as soon as they open to check on any medical reasons for complications with morning after pill etc (besides it not working obviously) and take it from there. Hubby was away last night so we will be hashing it out tonight. I do feel a lot more relaxed after a good nights sleep so hopefully can see things clearer today. Randomly as I was getting my 5 year old ready for school she asked for a little brother as she wants one. How bizarre and weirdest timing ever, it kind of made me smile though xx
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