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10/02/2014 at 06:31
I am writing this after finding myself frustrated by the lack of straight-forward, honest, real life information available from professionals to help me understand what i would be going through with my impending miscarriage.Miscarriage is sadly, still such a taboo subject... But as those who have gone through this know... There is no such thing as TMI... i just wanted to understand as much as I could so I could be prepared. I will below share my experience... In as much detail as I can... In the hope that this may help others who may come to be in this sad position.So I'll start with a bit about myself: I am 30 years old, married, eat a fairly good diet & work out 2-3 times per week, planned pregnancy & this was my 1st pregnancy.We found out at Christmas that we were expecting & were both very happy about this. Had confirmation HCG blood test on 7th Jan.My pregnancy symptoms from the start were very mild... I had absolutely no sickness, I had a 'full' feeling in my breasts & an increased sense of smell but not much else.At about 7 weeks pregnant my breast feelings started to fade. Tbh at first I didnt think too much of this... Assuming my body was just getting used to the hormone changes.On Jan 27th, at 8 weeks 6 days pregnant I had a mild backache all day... Not even as bad as period aches... But I can honestly say I just 'had a feeling'... I cant explain it really... Other than just feeling like I wasnt pregnant anymore. I told myself I was being paranoid, a hypochondriac & tried to focus my mind on other things. By the time I got home in the evening, the ache was still there & when I went to the bathroom, i saw 3 very small, very watery spots of blood in my knickers. That for me was enough to tell my husband that I wanted to go to the ER... I wanted to get checked out & reassure myself that things were ok. Well, sadly, my intuition was right.... After various exams, bloods & a vaginal ultrasound, we were told the sad news that our baby had died. I should have been 8w6d pregnant but the doctor explained that the baby only looked about 6weeks sized & there was no heartbeat. My blood HCG levels this day were 15,000.We were given pain medication (Vicodin) & sent home to wait for the miscarriage to happen.My blood HCG was re-tested on 29th Jan... They do this to confirm a decrease (& therefore a miscarriage). My level was 14,000 so had not dropped as much as the doctor would have liked (although they did not explain to me why this was a worry).The following week (4th feb), being concerned that my miscarriage had not started yet (& to be honest, feeling that I wanted it to do so in order that I could begin to grieve properly & begin to get some closure) I was sent for another ultrasound scan. The scan showed as we suspected.. That everything was still 'in place' in my uterus (& there was no heartbeat). The helpful thing on this day was that I was given more information which although hard to hear... Was helpful. The sonographer showed me my scan. She showed me the gestational sac (which she said actually looked about 8 weeks big) & then the very small baby inside. She explained that she could see there was no yolk sac there which may explain why the baby died. She explained that the size of the gestational sac was large enough that I would definitely know when my miscarriage was properly happening & that it would likely be quite painful with heavy bleeding. This was helpful to me as I had started having some very light bleeding (like the very start of a period) with very small clots (maybe the size of a fingernail) & I didnt know whether this was 'it' or not.My HCG levels were checked again the following day (5th feb) & had come down to 3,000.On 6th feb I finally saw an OB for a follow-up......
10/02/2014 at 06:33
... She was great, talking me through the stats & info for miscarriages (& future pregnancies) & what my options were going forward as I still hadnt started miscarrying. I chose to have medication to start the process (cytotec). I was reassured that unlike a D & C procedure, the medication does not remove any additional endometrial lining, causing a thinning which can slow down the process of ttc again. I was also given hydrocodon for the anticipated pain & an anti-sickness medication as apparently many women feel very sick during the miscarriage.
That night (thursday) at 7pm I took the 1st cytotec (1st of 2). It took a couple of hours for the pain & bleeding to start. The pain was like a bad period cramp & the bleeding was similar to a heavy period day with slightly larger clots (about thumbnail size). The blood was also being more fluid & bright rather than the brownish dark stringy substances I had been passing up until then. I took some Hydrocodon & this eased the pain enough that I was able to get some sleep that night. I bled heavily overnight. At 7am (12 hours after the 1st tablet as instructed) I took the second pill. All day that day I felt fine... No pain & only very light bleeding. I asked the nurse if this was normal as I was expecting the second pill to cause pain & bleeding like the 1st. She told me that if I had passed everything then the 2nd pill would not make me cramp up so I happily thought that I was over the worst of it.I was wrong! At about 2.30am on saturday I woke up in excrutiating pain... This pain is honestly nothing like I have experienced before.... Infinitely worse than my worst period pains ever (which are pretty bad!). I took the hydrocodon but this did absolutely nothing to ease the pain of the contractions that felt like they were tearing my womb up. Nothing was helping & no position was comfortable. I tried standing, sitting, crouching, fetal position, all fours, rocking, back rubbing, flat out... No relief. I kept also having to run to the toilet as I felt gushes... Passing blood & tissue which looked very different to the clots... It was about the size of a small chicken egg & was pinkish grey & spongy like a blamonge. After 2 1/2 hours of this awful pain, & soaking through 5 sanitary towels in this time, I decided I needed to go to the ER. I was given some IV pain meds (which helped a huge amount but made me feel very 'drunk') & also had a pelvic check, blood count check (to monitor blood loss.. Which was ok) & another HCG test (levels now down to 1200). I was sent home with even stronger pain meds (percocet this time). That day (saturday) was a blur really due to the meds & lack of sleep... But I was just so thankful that the pain had eased. The bleeding continued (although lighter than it had been leading up to the ER visit) & I continued to pass larger bloody clots (not like the blamongy couple I had in the night). By the nightime on saturday I had started to come out of my drug induced grogginess & the pain had started to come back (although not as severe). I took a percocet before bed & managed to fall asleep until 5am when I was again awoken to pretty severe pain (although not as bad as prior to the ER trip). I took another percocet & tried staying in bed but the pain didnt ease so I gave up & got up at 5.30... This actually turned out to be a good decision as within half an hour the pain started to ease,., something to do with sitting up really helped. Sitting up also, obviously, started the blood flow more & that was fairly heavy again... Accompanied by waves of contractions when the 'gushes' came out. At about 8am I had a bad contraction & ran to the toilet. I felt a gush then a significant 'pop' followed by a massive blood clot about the sizeof the palm of my
10/02/2014 at 06:39
hand. Immediately following this the pain disappeared!!... & I remained pain free (stomach wise) for the rest of the day. I had some muscle aches which i put down to all the tensing they had been doing over the previous nights & days & generally just felt very 'drained'. I also in the afternoon / evening developed a pretty severe pounding headache & neck ache which was not eased with percocet & lasted about 6 hours.Thats as far as I am!... Its been a roller-coaster but I think Im over it now! (Physically anyway... The emotional side is a work in progress & I am blessed to have such a supportive husband to work through this with).I really hope that if you've read this, you've not been grossed out or offended... This is not my intention at all... I just know how much something like this would've helped me.I hope it can go on to help others... To understand, to know what they could expect to happen (although of course everyone is different & bodies react differently & depends on so many factors).I would love to welcome others to share their experiences as openly as they feel able / comfortable to & for others to feel comfortable to ask any questions they may ask... I will do my best to answer!.Take care everyone! X
10/02/2014 at 08:07
10/02/2014 at 08:14
10/02/2014 at 12:44
Hi SW2 im so sorry to read this and it brings back all the memories of my 1 m/c i had last july, i also went natural and can say the pain i had with the m/c was worse than giving birth, 2nd time in december i couldnt go through it all again so had a d&c 24th december.
I also feel its a very taboo subject, i had no one to talk to apart from the ladies on here and my other half, but even then he found it hard to talk to me xx
10/02/2014 at 13:04
SW2 - Soooo sorry to hear that you have had to go through this awful ordeal but thank you so much for sharing your story! I am sure it will help many others that are unfortunately in the same position. I had a mc 2 years ago and I must say I didn't really know about sites like this then as we weren't actively trying and it happened while I was on the pill. It was still an awful experience to go through and wish I had something like this site to refer to when I was going through it.
I think you are very brave sharing your story while you are still going through the process and grieving.
Hope you start to feel better soon xxx
10/02/2014 at 13:16
I am so so sorry that you had to experience this. I went through a similar thing last year and I was actually 13 weeks when I found out. Words cannot describe how I felt and it took me months to learn to deal with the matter. On the positive side, I am pregnant again and I am as scared as one can be that it will happen again. Thinking positive and telling myself that everything will be just fine but I know that I will be dreading the 12 week scan. As much as I am looking forward to it I am also terrified!
I wish you the best of luck and hope it happens for you again very soon. We are all here for you if you need to talk.
10/02/2014 at 13:21
So sorry to hear of your loss , I could have written the very same story , I have had 2 miscarriages in the last 18 months , the 1st being very emotional , not very physical but the 2nd being extremely physical with bleeding & pain like you described , I honestly could not believe how much blood I lost - it was very frightening ! I didn't go to hospital during but had gone 3 days before and once I had passed everything 2 days later , to check it had all come away , ( was still lots of blood to come away but she said this was to be expected ) like you I wish someone had told me what to expect - they told me it would be just like a heavy period !! - understatement of the year !!
Anyway , we took it one day at a time as is all you can do , we started ttc again pretty much straight away , it was taking longer than the 1st 2 times we had conceived , so started charting etc , then during my period in September I passed a rather large clot ,that was my last period as on the 5th Oct - the edd of the 2nd mc we got our bfp ,
The thing that kept me sane was talking to the lovely ladies on these forums , they truly understand what it feels like , dh tried bless him but think sometimes only another woman can truly understand , n it was nice to be able to talk freely without fear of upsetting him , I often sat typing with tears streaming down my face but I found it very cathartic , hope you feel better soon take your time to heal , we are here if you need to talk anytime , sending you a big hug x x
10/02/2014 at 15:35
Absolutely everyone... This site really has been such a great source of strength & support. I really hope I am able to 'give back' to others that same support I have received as like sarah says, as loving & supportive as our other halves can be, they'll never truly understand what its like.
Wishing all you ladies well & thankyou for sharing your stories too x x
10/02/2014 at 17:13
Sweet Judy... I understand your feelings must be all over the place... Happy & excited to be expecting again but so nervous about things!!.. Im sure that anyone who has been through a miscarriage would feel exactly rhe same. I really hope things work out ok... Please keep us posted? X
14/02/2014 at 20:39
Had my bloods re-checked yesterday... Nurse called today & told me that my hcg is still higher than they would like so i have to take the cytotec again!! that hit me hard as the past couple of days I have hardly bled at all & hardly any pain so had really allowed myself to think it was over.. Now its so devastating yo know its not over.. & Im scared about the pain again as it was so bad last weekend. I took the 1st pill an hour ago so waiting now!
15/02/2014 at 08:01
Is cytotec the drug they give you in order to pass all the tissue? Iwas worried about the drug option that's why I went for D&C. They said that morphine was available on prescription with the drug option and I though good that must be painful and Icould not cope with more physical pain cos the psychological pain was unbearable. Good luck honey,you will be ok just stay strong!
Thanks for your kind words,the midwife said that the tiredness is a good sign and I'm still feeling tired and sick
15/02/2014 at 22:06
Yes sweetjudy..,cytotec is the drug to induce contractions... Im really hoping it gets everything this time. I've got to wait until friday to re-check my blood levels so will report back then
16/02/2014 at 00:41
Hi Sw2. Wow what an incredible woman you are thinking of others whilst going through all this. Your experience sounds similar 2 my 2nd mc last July. Although I wasn't as far along as you I had the similar pains & lots of gushing with clots. It took me a few weeks for my levels to drop, not sure how high they got to as my last test result was 5000 odd, but that was a few weeks before mc happened. I had to go back to EPU for regular tests, & they finally signed me off when my results got to below 60. Best wishes to you & as the girls have already said there is lots of support on here if you need anything x x
16/02/2014 at 11:39
Hi ladies, I really can't believe I'm going through this nightmare AGAIN!!!! I had a scan 2 weeks ago which showed an empty sac measuring 7mm, she said it was in the right place and looked the right size for my dates. I had a re-scan yesterday and the sac was still empty and measuring 13mm. I'm being referred to the EPU as she thinks it's a non viable pregnancy, they will scan me next week, (what a week it's going to be!!)
I googled all day when I got home in the hope I would find some positive outcomes but not feeling hopeful at all.
I'ts all so unfair!!!
16/02/2014 at 12:19
Carioke. I am so sorry hun. Really was hopeful that you had done it this time. Have EPU said that there is some hope, or are they pretty sure its a non viable pregnancy. Sending huge hugs to you, aww know there is nothing that I can really say, but I am thinking of you x x
16/02/2014 at 15:29
Thankyou, I did too! I can't believe I've got to re-live this again!! It was a private clinic I went to; they are ringing EPU on Monday morning so I presume they'll ring me to go in for a confirmation scan sometime next week.
16/02/2014 at 16:47
Oh carioke i'm SO sorry to hear that!. I wish there was something more we could say or do for you x x
16/02/2014 at 16:57
Supastar1501... Thankyou for your kind words & for sharing your own story. Although its not nice to think that others have been through this, its comforting to speak to people who have as I think we are the only ones who can truly understand.
i have my moments of being upset but on the whole am getting better. Yesterday I was thinking about it & as horrible an experience as this has been, I thought that if 1 in 4 have to go through this, I will take it rather than my sisters... I know it doesnt work like that of course in reality but if I could tell the universe "I took our 1 in 4 so dont make my sisters who I love dearly have to face this" then I would. In a strange way I felt better for thinking that as it made me realise how strong I can be & how far I've already come so soon.
We all have, and can be this strong in the ongoing battle... And we have a good army if support around us.
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